Eurosport - Tue, 02 Jun 13:23:00 2009
Far from a study on the IQ of South African rider Robbie Hunter, this week's Blazin' Saddles is dedicated to quick-witted Denis Menchov and his favourite hobby.
After witnessing the Russian's dramatic fall in the closing stages of Sunday's individual time-trial in Rome, BS conjured up the headline 'Mench-off his bike', before realising that gem had been employed during last year's Tour de France.
Menchov (pictured), it seems, has a bit of a weakness when it comes to wet roads in Italy. The Rabobank stalwart inexplicably crashed when attacking uphill on stage 15 to Prato Nervoso in last year's Grande Boucle, a fall which to this day BS thinks cost the wily Russian yellow.
And 10 months on, with his first Giro scalp in touching distance, Menchov did the same, sliding on the Roman cobbles and hitting the deck at top speed with just 900 yards remaining - and for no apparent reason.
Luckily, in this case, he kept his calm and secured the win - even beating Danilo Di Luca on the day.
"The first thing you think of when you fall is to get back on your bike, but it's never good to use a bike after you've fallen," Menchov said, explaining his tactics and vehicle change. "The mechanic was very professional. I was very intelligent in that moment."
Indeed, drug tests carried out on Menchov after his Giro win show the Russian's IQ levels reached an optimum following the crash.
Organisers were quick to stress that the uncharacteristic, nay excessive, levels of IQ found in Menchov's blood stream and centred around his brain were due to legitimate hard work - even if a B sample shows thinking on a par with Einstein.
It is thought that the 31-year-old has been employing new state-of-the-art training exercises inside an oxygenated library tent with a special foot massaging bike machine dubbed the En-cyclo-paedia.
RAGING BULL: But seriously, the nature of Menchov's win was almost enough to justify his emphatic celebrations once over the finish line.
Menchov has never been renowned for his extrovert celebrations. Jens Voigt once described him as a "quiet, nice, typical Russian who will talk to you when you say hello first" - and so the scenes in Rome were quite unexpected.
Tossing his bike to the side of the road in a move that would have Bjarne Riis gurning with nostalgia, Menchov then ripped off his helmet and sunglasses, threw them to the ground, closed his eyes, roared and punched the air with all the grace of a maniac on the run from Broadmoor.
With saliva hanging off his chin, veins bulging and eyes pierced, it looked like Menchov was looking for a fight. Such a vampiric change in character is made all the more alarming if you take the trouble to log on to the Rabobank team website and see that Menchov lists 'hunting' as his main hobby and 'flesh' as his favourite food.
So perhaps 'intelligent hunter' is the best way to describe the Russian, who will now target a Tour win to go alongside his double Vuelta and single Giro palmares.
As most of you will all know, hunting is not all about attacking; it's about patience, playing to your strengths and fully understanding the weaknesses of your opponents. Menchov has all these characteristics. Far from being a 'wheel-sucker', he is an intelligent, experienced and indefatigable rider.
BS once quipped - early in last year's Tour - that "the Russian makes a Cadel Evans attack seem about as regular as a rejection on the dance floor".
But Menchov put in a stellar performance in Italy. He won a time trial and he won a mountain stage. Despite Du Luca's penchant for picking up time bonuses, Menchov kept his calm and shadowed his rival - just as a hunter trails his prey.
"I'm one of the best riders in the world," he said after his victory. How grateful the cycling world is that Menchov has finally realised this. Bring on the Tour!
LOST IN TRANSLATION: With newly found glory, maybe Menchov can get his people to improve his official website a little? They can start by employing proper translators as opposed to those dodgy automatic internet machines.
His victory was reported with this gem on www.denismenchov.ru: "Twenty-one day of fight for the victory, which didn't stop until the last meters of the distance, behind us. Strong opponents, rain, drop - there is nothing to prevent Denis to win leader's pink shirt at the finish in Rome."
The same website inimitably says that the existence of Menchov's three children is an "unbelievable achievement, mostly from the part of wife Nadezhda".
And what of Denis's supporters from Russia and his hometown of Oryol, 225 miles from Moscow? "Denis has got an enormous fan army our whole country, not only watching his performances, but being a real fan! We lose voices and automatically turn pedals sitting on the sofa and wishing little by little failure for all rivals!"
Now that's not very sporting, is it?
But perhaps worse of all are Menchov's own earlier predictions for the Giro: "I think Ivan Basso is my main opponent. Levi Leipheimer is strong too. With regard to the current leader Di Luca, he also looks very worthy, but most likely he'll have at least one crisis day." BS wonders how Di Luca felt about that assumption.
SHOUT OUT TO: Vincent Hendricks, Menchov's "professional" mechanic - not to be confused with the distinguished Danish philosopher and logician of the same name.
TALKING POINT: Menchov said his calm response to falling near the finish was thanks to being told, through his earpiece, that he did not need to take any risks or hurry because he was still ahead of Di Luca despite the crash. Is it time to ban earpieces?
QUOTE: "If you have nothing left to achieve what sense is there to do it?" Mark Cavendish explains quitting the Giro with a week left to race. Gone are the days when finishing a three-week stage race is seen as an achievement, it seems.
AND FINALLY: BS couldn't contain a smirk when reading a comment left at the bottom of a recent cycling article: "Andy Schlek (sic) for the Tour time for some new blood." Not the best turn of phrase, perhaps.
Comment 1 - 20 of 20
Thanks Mark, what you say is good, the points of view regarding the detail of the course seem to be important in making such a choice. Although it has been a joke subject, if Menchov can really not crash, then I think he will do better. Though the concept of him having peaked seems to be prominent, my friend suggested that the time period between the tours, doesn't lend itself to training in the correct way or resting enough from the Giro, though this talk doesn't seem to apply to LA for some reason, with him it is a training exercise...
Difficult to separate the two for this year Tour. With only 1 shortish ITT Menchov isn't going to get much opportunity to use his TT superiority to take time out of Sastre but then with only 3 mountain top finishes Sastre is going to have to go some to take time out of Menchov. I think it could be down to how well Menchov decends off the last mountain on a number of stages such as 16 & 17 where it's downhill all the way to the finish. I don't know how technical these descents are but I can see groups going over the top together but splitting up as the better descenders get away.
In the end whilst I like the way Sastre attacks he tends to have at least one bad day whereas Menchov is so consistent so I think he'll pip him.
If you had to choose who would DO BETTER out of Sastre and Menchov, who would it be and why?
deathbybono---WOW ... You are living proof that Cadel does actually have a fan..
watching menchov sit on di luca's wheel for most of the mountain stages had me yawning in cadel evans-like fashion (but no less fascinated in the race). but i think it's quite amusing that menchov is awarded a kind of romantic "hunter" type accolade to his cycling while evans is just a "wheel-sucker". in reality, both riders are the same, intelligent riders in the mountains but without the explosiveness to ride away from more likely "mountain-goats" and more reliant on a good time-trial to make up for the couple of minutes they are likely to lose in the mountains along the way. but hey, who am i to get in the way of a few internet nerds and their evans-bashing.
ffogil- "Boonen is obviously pretty good at getting to the white line 1st." Lol.
'
*pictures Boonen celebrating his next sprint win by snorting the white finish line.*
Envy. Much envy
Plural for nuts is a "clutch" or a "handful".
Cavendish will win TdF green jersey, although Boonen is obviously pretty good at getting to the white line 1st.
Only available position on the podium is either behind or sandwiched between Evans (sigh) and Contador. I'm thinking a Schlek maybe.
Maybe this year Cav can pretend like he is on holiday so he can see France for the first time on a bike. Somehow the Tour has a way of making what you would think would be contenders look very average at best. I suppose this year wouldnt be any different for Denis and his falling uphill and Cadel and his wheel sucking ways. Everytime I see someone fall on a TT bike I flash back to Jan falling in the rain in a crucial time trial that he didnt take the time to recon or Rasmussen falling 3 or 4 times in one TT and blaming his bike which suddenly appeared to be a comedy.
useless article
Surely 'bunch' is not the correct collective noun for nuts.
Is a 'packet' better.
Not sure about one for cnuts either.
A brothel of cnuts?
jonathan.hodgkins must like nuts
I love cashew nuts, thanks Johnny boy, don't mind if I do.
Menchov was a worthy winner - the crash just added extra drama to what was a superb and engrossing race. I like the Menchov as intellingent hunter analogy - quite perceptive (even if some of it was clearly in jest). Despite the histrionics made by the mentally disturbed Jonathan Hodgkins, the message that Menchov has finally reached his potential and rightly sees himself as "one of the best in the world" was well put by BS - not merely a lame attempt at humour. As for the talking points, here are my two cents: Cav the chav should first finish a tour before he goes on about how good he is. Earpieces should be banned because it would make it all so much more exciting. And i'm not sure i like the allusion of the Andy Schleck comment... he's a bright star and must not be tainted with such slander!
"In a sport whose prime pull is its beguiling blend of suffering/elegance, there is little room for humour..." Au contraire, Master Hodgkins- YOUR head may currently be up your @#$%.
jonathan.hodgkins sound a bit tense maybe you should lay off the roids
Who or what is "Blazing Saddles??" I recently ditched my subscription to Cycle Sport in favour of Procycling. Why? Because of the former's continual insistence on lame attempts at @#$% humour. I've now realised however that Blazing Saddles makes Birne et al seem like veritable comedy giants. In a sport whose prime pull is its beguiling blend of suffering/elegance, there is little room for humour, so take your b*llocks tongue-in-cheek cleverness and stick it up your bony @#$%.
The earpiece comment brings to mind Bjarne Riis in his 1995 time trial loss to Indurain by 12 seconds. "If I would have known how close I was maybe I would have done a little more". Glad Mr. 60% didn't have an earpiece that day. Earpieces are here to stay sadly because of the saftey factor. They make racing more sterile and exacting, and remove the drama of the unsettled situations. But if you want unsettled situations find a soccer pitch.
lol re. Schleck. Gives new meaning to "an injection of pace".... "testosterone-fuelled attack".
finally somebody got it
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