For all those at Upton Park on Saturday, it may come as something of a surprise to find out that Frank Lampard's sending-off was only the second worst decision of the weekend.

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• The return of Billericay Dickie

Lamps was dismissed against his old club for ersatz tag-team wrestling with Luis Boa Morte, bringing back an old Saturday afternoon tradition without the aid of Big Daddy, Kendo Nagasaki or Kent Walton

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