Premier League - Team of the Week: North-East woe

Eurosport - Mon, 04 May 19:06:00 2009

Just how bad were Djibril Cisse and his Sunderland team-mates at the weekend? Really, really bad - and our Team of the Week can prove it.

FOOTBALL 2008-2009 Premier League Sunderland Djibril Cisse - 0

HOW IT WORKS

We tot up the marks out of 10 awarded in five national newspapers - The Sun, The Mirror, The Mail, The Times and The Guardian - to create a total out of 50. The top player in each position will be rewarded with a spot in the Team of the Week, while the worst scorers will be named and shamed in our Flops XI.

TEAM OF THE WEEK (4-2-3-1)

Andrei Arshavin led by example for Arsenal in the young Gunners' romp over Portsmouth, while goalscorer Steven Pienaar was on great form for Everton in their win at Sunderland. Both take up attacking midfield positions alongside the irrepressible Wayne Rooney, who again impressed on the left for Manchester United against Middlesbrough.

Ahead of that potent trident is Nicolas Anelka, the Frenchman having given Chelsea boss Guus Hiddink a reminder of his talent in the Blues' West London derby victory against Fulham.

Liverpool duo Steven Gerrard and Xabi Alonso were imperious in the centre of midfield against Newcastle and they get the nod in our elite selection while at the back, West Ham provide the central defensive pairing of Matthew Upson and James Tomkins - both rock solid in the Hammers' win at Stoke.

Manchester City's Micah Richards and Everton's Leighton Baines fill the full-back slots with Bolton keeper Jussi Jaaskelainen completing the impressive line-up in between the sticks.

GK: Jussi Jaaskelainen (Bolton) - 40

RB: Micah Richards (Manchester City) - 35

CB: Matthew Upson (West Ham) - 38

CB: James Tomkins (West Ham) - 37

LB: Leighton Baines (Everton) - 32

CM: Xabi Alonso (Liverpool) - 39

CM: Steven Gerrard (Liverpool) - 39

AMR: Steven Pienaar (Everton) - 42

AMC: Andrei Arshavin (Arsenal) - 42

AML: Wayne Rooney (Manchester United) - 40

FW: Nicolas Anelka (Chelsea) - 39

FLOPS OF THE WEEK (4-4-2)

Amazingly - or perhaps not, considering how bad they were against Everton - Sunderland provide seven (yes, seven - that's 64 per cent) of this week's Flops XI.

Included in those shamed-faced Black Cats is a certain Monsieur Cisse who somehow managed to put in a performance so abysmal that he garnered a mere 15 points from a possible 50 - the second-worst score of all time.

Of course the dubious honour of the lowest score is currently held by Birmingham's Martin Taylor, whose record of just eight points - for snapping an opponent's leg in two and being sent off in just two minutes of action - is unlikely ever to be beaten, even by one of the current Sunderland crop.

Anyway, the Sunderland Seven (as they shall be known from now on) are joined by three Boro and one Newcastle player - Joey Barton , obviously - to complete an embarrassing and never-seen-before clean sweep for North-East clubs.

GK: Marton Fulop (Sunderland) - 22

RB: Tony McMahon (Middlesbrough) - 24

CB: Calum Davenport (Sunderland) - 19

CB: Anton Ferdinand (Sunderland) - 22

LB: Danny Collins (Sunderland) - 23

RM: Gary O'Neil (Middlesbrough) - 23

CM: Joey Barton (Newcastle) - 20

CM: Dean Whitehead (Sunderland) - 21

LM: Kieran Richardson (Sunderland) - 20

FW: Marlon King (Middlesbrough) - 20

FW: Djibril Cisse (Sunderland) - 15

TEAM OF THE SEASON (minimum 18 starts)

Alonso's display for Liverpool - at least until he was stretchered off the pitch following Barton's two-footed lunge - was good enough to oust Frank Lampard from the Team of the Season while Baines comes in for Patrice Evra at left-back. Otherwise, our Elite XI remains the same, with Gerrard still in pole position to secure the Player of the Season title.

GK: Shay Given (Manchester City) - 33.91 average

RB: Glen Johnson (Portsmouth) - 32.56

CB: Brede Hangeland (Fulham) - 33.55

CB: Martin Laursen (Aston Villa) - 33.84

LB: Leighton Baines (Everton) - 31.78

RM: Shaun Wright-Phillips (Manchester City) - 33.42

CM: Xabi Alonso (Liverpool) - 34.88

CM: Steven Gerrard (Liverpool) - 35.56

LM: Ashley Young (Aston Villa) - 33.08

FW: Wayne Rooney (Manchester United) - 34.96

FW: Robin van Persie (Arsenal) - 33.00

FLOPS OF THE SEASON (minimum 18 starts)

Despite the best efforts of Sunderland, Newcastle and Middlesbrough, there are no new additions to the Flops of the Season. Jose Enrique continues to lead the way, even though the Toon full-back did not feature at the weekend.

GK: Scott Carson (West Brom) average 29.76

RB: Andre Ooijer (Blackburn) - 28.66

CB: Carlos Cuellar (Aston Villa) - 28.48

CB: Fabricio Coloccini (Newcastle) - 27.88

LB: Jose Enrique (Newcastle) - 26.67

RM: Keith Andrews (Blackburn) - 28.25

CM: Borja Valero (West Brom) - 28.60

CM: Amdy Faye (Stoke City) - 27.47

LM: Chris Brunt (West Brom) - 29.04

FW: Roman Pavlyuchenko (Tottenham) - 27.57

FW: Afonso Alves (Middlesbrough) - 28.00

Eurosport

Comment 33 - 52 of 52

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  1. Flops of the week was obviously a dig at the north­ east, not only have newcastle and middlesborough not­ played this week but Martin Fulop and a few of those­ Sunderland did not even play that bad.

    From rugbymad666, on Sun 10 May 9:23PM

  2. where is drogba and lampard? what is this goddd

    From nino, on Wed 6 May 3:39PM

  3. Where is Bentner on the flop of the season list ?

    From famo_joint, on Wed 6 May 1:21AM

  4. Afonso alves is a stupid lazy player who doesent do­ anything for our team no offence. Marlon king and gary­ o neil can play football but just cant be bothered they­ think its only middlesbrough were going at the end of­ the season anyway so why bother. But also i agree with­ david i cant believe yahoo puts articles about the­ north east teams on when theyr not as good i dont ever­ see them praising us for what good things we do its­ always the not so good things. and dont say we dont do­ anything good because we do. an even when there is a­ article on a northeast team all you see on the comments­ is united fans invading the pages shouting insults at­ liverpool fans. football shoudlnt work that way­ everyone should be respecting each other from a boro­ fan

    From smiley123, on Tue 5 May 4:45PM

  5. Thats not bad, all the flops from the North-east!

    From Lord Dambo of Purbrookshire, on Tue 5 May 11:52AM

  6. sunderland afc...the whole team are not responding to­ ricky....80 million on players etc, wot a pile of @#$%,­ even a sunday mornin non league team would beat­ them.....come on sunderland, give the people of­ sunderland some effort, coz ya get paid plenty....the­ way ya playin ya not only headin to championship, but­ back to division 3 as well...

    From wilkinson764, on Tue 5 May 8:22AM

  7. Whats the betting that RS will still play Cisse and­ Jones ? Our only hope for survival is reliant on teams­ below us getting beat. Hindsight is a marvellous thing,­ pity big Sam wasn't given the job.

    From johnkyle96, on Tue 5 May 7:48AM

  8. Please send a copy of this to Ricky Sb ragia, although­ I doub t even this would wake him up!

    From Paperboy, on Tue 5 May 6:00AM

  9. These so called sports writers must wearing blinkers,­ can you tell me how can you say that Van Persie better­ than Torres? Torres by far is best striker in the­ league this year.

    From starman_123, on Tue 5 May 3:15AM

  10. Post 35 you forgot Keegan

    From starman_123, on Tue 5 May 3:06AM

  11. Lets face it!!! the three North East clubs combine­ coudlnt put a premier league side together.
    Owen,­ Cisse, Butt, Viduka, Smith, Huth, etc. Jones has never­ been so you cannot count him.
    Just face facts, which­ top class player is going to put his reputation on the­ line for these wannabes.
    Franwal

    From Francis W, on Mon 4 May 8:32PM

  12. cissie is as good as the oppositions 12th man get rid­ of him now.

    From billwells47, on Mon 4 May 8:13PM

  13. freebiejeebies co uk/62944
    try this it is amazin ive­ had loads of stuff i got it off bbc news.

    From LISA, on Mon 4 May 8:06PM

  14. Does anyone really give a flying sp4nk who is in the­ 'team of the week' it's bull@#$% to replace­ serious commemt that many sports journalists are no­ longer capable of providing.

    From jack torrance, on Mon 4 May 7:04PM

  15. where is fabregas

    From andy01_badboy, on Mon 4 May 6:12PM

  16. I see Jeanette Bolan is back with her stupid Marnio of­ Peru game.

    From the real adrian, on Mon 4 May 6:01PM

  17. And Why is Brunt in the flops?

    From alisonbt38, on Mon 4 May 5:56PM

  18. turner should be in team of the season 1 of best­ defenders in league and 5 goals to his name

    From dixonjamie1993, on Mon 4 May 5:53PM

  19. Pavlychenko by far well deserves to be out of dis team,­ he has got goals more than Robbie Keane, Defoe, King,­ Mido, the list is endless

    From Donald, on Mon 4 May 5:44PM

  20. It makes me sick that the N.E. are picked on so miuch­ when we have given so much:- Bobby Robson, Shearer,­ Gascgoine, Bobby & Jackie Charlton, Norman Hunter,­ Brian Clough, Bob Paisley, Carrick, Sinton, Fenwick,­ Peter Beardsley, Trevor Steven, Alan & Ray­ Kennedy, and many many more. It's not the fans­ fault that the clubs under perform, but it's the­ fans that take the brunt. Man U this, Liverpool that,­ sod off, it's a fashion with you people, tides­ turn.

    From David, on Mon 4 May 5:22PM
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