It's the easiest job in football: drink Cristal champagne, drive your BMW X5 to nightclubs at three in the morning and scoop up 10 per cent of everything in sight.

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But the life of a football agent is set to get more uncomfortable as The Guardian reports that the FA is set to publish details of exactly how much agents get paid for brokering transfer deals.

As of next month, the eye-watering millions no doubt hoovered up by Premier League agents will be made public, prompting endless pub conversations about how these leeches suck money out of the game for the sake of making a few telephone calls.

It's not the making phone calls that's the difficult part about being an agent, incidentally. The true difficulty lies in avoiding the temptation to boom out a "Mwah-hah-hah-haaahhh!" laugh every time you're asked in public about what exactly you do to earn your 10 per cent.

Still, it should be fascinating. In the murky world of football agents, full financial disclosure is about as welcome as a group of Manchester United fans at the Oakwell Stadium cleaners' Christmas party.

Speaking of which, Manchester United stalwart Gary Neville has played down the crowd trouble that United fans caused at Barnsley, leading The Sun to declare that Nev is "soft on thugs" - and presumably also soft on the causes of thugs.

"United fans get boisterous," said Neville. "But anything that happens with us gets blown out of all proportion."

Absolutely. So what if things got a bit messy when the fans helped themselves in those Oakwell kiosks? You can't make a sandwich without spilling a few crumbs, right?

The Sun also reports that Ruud van Nistelrooy is angling for a January return to the Premier League - assuming he can find someone to stump up his £100,000 a week wage demands considering his age and dodgy fitness.

Tottenham are on "red alert", over the former United hitman's availability - but surely there's another club out there, quite a large club in fact, who might be in the market for another striker. But if the 'Kop Crisis' special investigations that fill two pages of almost every paper this morning are to be believed, if Liverpool signed the Dutchman then it won't be Rafa Benitez lending him a pen.

Chelsea have been all over the back pages with the news that they might 'do a Newcastle' with Stamford Bridge's naming rights - but the Star and Daily Express both pick up on a different line from chief exec Ron Gourlay.

The Stamford Bridge club might be banned from entering the transfer market at the moment, but that didn't stop the club's new head honcho from gloating about the £50 million transfer war chest they will use in January, assuming that the suspension is lifted.

Considering FIFA officials get uppity about free handbags these days, his presumptive statement is the least well-calculated public speaking since that idiot from the BNP machine-gunned himself in the foot on Question Time.