It's amazing how much less transfer activity goes on when the papers have got 30-odd FA Cup ties to report on.

Monday's gossip is thinner than a catwalk model in a hall of mirrors, with most of the speculation surrounding, bizarrely, Bolton.

With Nicolas Anelka on his way out the Trotters, like Bonnie Tyler, need a hero. They are apparently under the impression that Marseille's Djibril Cisse will arrive at the Reebok Stadium, wearing his underpants on top of a leotard, and save them from relegation.

Cisse's record at Liverpool suggests that, come May, he will still be milling around the streets of Metropolis looking for a phone box to get changed in.

Sam Allardyce was rather adept at pulling off 'not in a million years' transfers at Bolton - re: the signings of Youri Djorkaeff, Jay Jay Okocha and Fernando Hierro.

But Gary Megson must be out of his tiny mind if he thinks he is taking Javier Saviola off Real Madrid.

Should he fail, and he will, he could console himself with the £3 million capture of Matthew Taylor, who is currently on the fringes at Portsmouth.

He could, that is, if not for the African Cup of Nations, which will leave Pompey's squad thinner than oh, right, done that one already.

Didier Drogba has told Eurosport it would be great if Nicolas Anelka signed for Chelsea, even if the Drog himself is planning to escape to warmer climes in summer.

That is, Madrid, Barcelona, Milan or wherever Jose Mourinho lands.

Liverpool's chronic lack of pace at the back will be remedied by the signing of jet-heeled defender Martin Skrtel from Zenit St Petersburg.

The Slovak international's impending £7 million move is the talk of Bratislava. Skrtel's many other suitors, including - inevitably - Tottenham and Newcastle, will have to look elsewhere.

On another Slavic note, Mlada Boleslav ace Marek Matejovsky is literally gagging for a move to Reading.

"I cannot comment on anything as my contract does not allow me to. When the move is done, I will say more," Matejovsky commented.

"I would relish the Premier League. It is one of the best leagues in the world, with matches played in a great atmosphere."

Dimitar Berbatov is as fed up with speculation about his future as everybody else, moaning: "There are too many speculations around my name, but most of them are foolish.

"It's absurd and I'm tired of seeing my name in the newspapers. I want to live in peace. It is getting too much."

Tell it to your rent-a-quote agent, Dimmy.

Transfer Talk suggests something may have been lost in translation in Kaka's unnecessarily militaristic denial that he wants out of Milan.

"I reiterate that my aim is to one day become the captain of this team and I am ready to respect the hierarchy order in the club and wait until that happens," he said.

And Wigan are set to sign Birmingham midfielder Wilson Palacios for £1m. According to his Wikipedia entry, Palacios is "most remembered for scoring a stupendous goal from the half-way line against Marathon in the final minutes of a game in 2006."

Meanwhile, Juventus coach Claudio Ranieri has said he "likes" unsettled Liverpool midfielder Mohamed Sissoko which in the media world means he is on the brink of making a bid.

Alex Chick / Eurosport