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The wait is over. After 341 days staring balefully at the calendar the moment most grown men have been waiting for is finally here: yes, the Tour de France is back - and with Blazin' Saddles, our own daily ribald take of the 2008 race, our coverage is better than ever.

By gum, a lot has happened in the last year, eh? Floyd Landis may have a new hip but has finally been given the hop; two Spaniards have been confirmed de facto Tour winners; one of them was banned from defending his title so went and won the Giro instead on what seemed like a whim; the leisure pursuits of April's Paris-Roubaix winner were ostensibly put on the line; Frank Schleck devised a new way of direct descending; Cadel Evans' dimple got bigger; Cadel Evans' jaw got squarer; Cadel Evans' voice got ten decibels higher; Cadel Evans (add cheap jibe here) etc and so forth.

Mustn't be too harsh about someone as affable and honest as Evans, mind. He may be about as passive on the cols as Superman in his later years, but the squeaky-voiced Aussie is the race favourite of the most open Tour since, um, last year.

Not that being backed by the bookies counts for much. Blazin' Saddles remembers how last year, when working under a more prosaic pseudonym, he predicted the imminent crowning of Alexandre Vinokourov and the subsequent rise of the Kazakh pedalling empire.

Donning his green mankini and cultivating a moustache so sublime it would make even David Zabriskie weep, off he sauntered to the Kazakhstan embassy in London to verbally copulate with the animated ambassador about the significance of Vino and Astana to an expectant nation. He did not spot any bags of thick, blood-like substances in the lavish halls, but somewhere along the line something went askew.

Anyway, this year will be fine. It's (probably the tenth race in succession since the Festina scandal to be dubbed) the clean, doping-free Tour that will make even the most cynical of beings fall back in love with the sport.

ASO, the Tour organisers, have promised 'No Mercy' for offending teams and it is a good tactic: who would want to sit through that little-known Cajun cop caper starring Richard Gere and Kim Basinger? No Mercy was bad enough in 1986, and unlike French wine, it's not going to get any better.

And race director Christian Prudhomme, doing his worst not to conjure up images of soiled nappies/diapers, says the Tour has a 'parfum d'enfance'. Which is bizarre because last time Blazin' Saddles checked the rostrum, he saw the names Evans, Menchov, Moreau, Mengin, McEwen, Zabel, Sastre etc and *yawn* so forth.

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Like many of Blazin' Saddles' moves in the bedroom, the race will start with some Brest action. Being the furthest most point from both the Alps and the Pyrenees - the nipple of the West coast if you will - sprinters are quite partial to a bit of Brest.

But Blazin' Saddles is wondering whether Fabian Cancellara was caught in a series compromising and quite frankly foul positions with Prudhomme's wife, because for the first time since England were crowned world champions in football - that's 1966 for those ladies out there - the opening day of the Tour is not a prologue time trial.

Stage one is not all that flat either. The udderlating, sorry, undulating 197.5km jolly over the narrow roads of the cycling hinterland that is Brittany culminates with the Cote de Cadoudal, known rather complimentarily as the Breton Alpe d'Huez.

78-year-old Teutonic veteran Erik Zabel - riding his 54th Tour this year - had the legs to triumph when the Tour last finished in Plumelec back in 1997. And who best from which to derive a tenuous prediction for Saturday's winner than Plumelec's finest nautical ensemble, 'Sacrée Bordée'?

The six-piece Celtic strummers headlined Friday night's pre-Tour bonanza in the Plumelac town hall, hoping to bring a smile upon the weather-beaten faces of the agricultural town's 2,400 inhabitants.

It's going to be a blast. Blazin' Saddles will do his best to get wired on some of the action. It could even beat the time when he allegedly went off-season clubbing to that infamous Antwerp night-spot Pot Belge with Jan Ullrich and Tom Boonen...

Anyway, open as he is to a healthy modicum of naval folk music, Blazin' Saddles checked out the group's website and was intrigued to see amongst their vintage back catalogue a song called 'Le Grand Coureur'. Surely the lyrics of a song called 'The Great Rider' by a band heralding from the farming finish-line town will contain a clue as to who will win Saturday's stage?

Well Scoobs, the song's about a bunch of Breton sailors who try and hold a hostile British boat at bay. It also boasts the bafflingly suspect chorus: "Let's go guys, gay gay... Let's go guys, gaily!"

That is about as much mystical evidence that Blazin' Saddles needs to come to the rushed but glaringly obvious conclusion that local Breton boy David Le Lay (sounds like 'Gay') of the agricultural tools Agritubel team is going to brand off the dastardly attacks of Briton Mark Cavendish over the high road finale to be crowned the first yellow jersey of the race. Go place your bets!

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Plat du jour

The culinary delights of Brittany are far from ambrosial if Sacrée Bordée are anything to go by, the crooners intermittently singing about 'local beans and rancid lard', 'vinegar instead of wine', 'rotten biscuits' and a redolent insect repellent resin called camphor.

But don't be mislead by this rum Breton red herring for the local fare is actually quite pleasant: if you're not brave enough to sample cuckoo egg omelette, braised cuckoo wings or sting-ray soup, then do at least try a delicious Breton Gallette - a pancake stuffed with béchamel sauce, cream, cheese, lardons, spinach, mushrooms - washed down with a pottery flagon of local cider.

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Lanterne Rouge

Today's last word goes out to Damiano Cunego, who confirmed on the eve of the Tour that he will be wearing a fake tattoo on his arm throughout the race bearing the words 'I'm doping free'. Rumour has it is based loosely on last year's model, allegedly sported by two unnamed Kazakh riders, which contained the same catchphrase but with the suffix 'ly' tagged on for good merit.

A demain, mes amis!

Watch live coverage of every stage on your PC via the Eurosport player - click on the link under the picture to subscribe.

Or watch the action on British Eurosport - available in the UK on Sky channel 410 and Virgin Media channel 521 or British Eurosport 2 - available on Sky 411 and Virgin Media 525

Felix Lowe / Eurosport