Well, what an FA Cup draw - Havant and Waterlooville versus Liverpool! Of course, the non-leaguers must first beat Swansea and the Reds have to see off Luton. But what a tie!

It sets things up perfectly for a dream final for the Conference South outfit. They will meet Manchester United at Wembley in May.

Provided they first beat Swansea, Liverpool, then probably Middlesbrough, West Ham and Arsenal. And obviously United have to defeat Tottenham, Watford, Portsmouth and Chelsea. But wow, what a final in store!

If the Hampshire minnows do make it through, they will face Jamie 'Mad Dog' Carragher, who is pictured on the front of the Sun climbing into the stands at Luton on Sunday.

The Liverpool defender was allegedly challenging some Luton fans to a fight after they threw a drink at him.

The twist? Said fans were dressed in shell suits and curly wigs like the Scousers of Harry Enfield fame. Calm down indeed.

One such japester, having hurled abuse and beverages at Carragher, sniffed: "This is a Premiership player behaving like a thug."

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It is at times like this that Early Doors wishes it could step in and mediate in these interminable transfer sagas.

Early Doors's negotiating skills are well-proven, having only this Christmas persuaded its belligerent grandmother to relinquish a bottle of port that threatened to spark an all-out intergenerational donnybrook.

Such skills are lost on Chelsea chief exec Peter Kenyon, whose ability to strike a deal lags some way behind his talent for being pictured on TV with a smug grin.

During his days at Old Trafford, Kenyon panicked into paying an extra £4.5 million for Juan Sebastian Veron when Lazio hinted that Inter Milan might be interested, and was no more successful when he tried to play hardball, losing Ronaldinho to Barcelona.

His record at Chelsea has been no more distinguished, paying massively over the odds for the likes of Paulo Ferreira and Andriy Shevchenko.

Even the decent signings, like Didier Drogba and Michael Essien, cost a pretty penny - nearly £50 million between them.

It is claimed that the last time he went to a car boot sale, he ended up paying £2,000 for an 'Allo Allo box set and swapped a brand his brand new Plasma TV for a ceramic model of a cat playing the piano.

Do us all a favour and stop the posturing, Pete. You'll either pay top dollar or you'll cock it up. So why don't we say £20 million, take it or leave it?

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Jermain Defoe has also raised the ire of a particularly cantankerous Early Doors this morning.

The squirt in a Spurs shirt has 'opened his heart' to the Sun, refusing to be forced out of the club he loves by big bad Juande Ramos.

Hold on. Isn't this the same Jermain Defoe who has spent the last season and a half rejecting offers of a new contract?

Essentially, Defoe's gripe is this: he would love to stay at Spurs, but only if he gets to play every game. Ergo, Ramos is "forcing him" out by picking 15-goal Robbie Keane and £30m-rated Dimitar Berbatov ahead of him.

It takes a very special sense of self-entitlement to complain when a manager snubs you in favour of players who are clearly better than you.

"Every time I pull no a Spurs shirt, I have always tried my best," he wailed. Well, that's good enough for Early Doors. Come on Juande, have a heart.

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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "He called me into his office and told me [I could leave]. At first I thought it was a joke. I thought he was going to say I would be starting against Arsenal in the Carling Cup, which was why he didn't give me a game against Reading at the weekend. But he just said 'You can leave if you want to'." More from Jermain Defoe. Grr...

FOREIGN VIEW: Barcelona president Juan Laporta is to end his feud with Jose Mourinho and will sound the former Chelsea boss out as a possible replacement for under-pressure coach Frank Rijkaard. Or at least that's what AS reckons.

COMING UP: We've got live coverage of Chelsea versus Everton in the Carling Cup this evening. Follow our minute-by-minute text commentary from 7.45pm.

Alex Chick / Eurosport