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Anyone who has read Gossip Shop will know how keen it is on comparing itself to a real shop as a grossly-overused semi-comic prop.

It normally goes like this:

'What's that jingling noise? Is it the clank of golden coins in the deep pockets of Mark Hughes? Is it the chains that still shackle Roque Santa Cruz to his unloved employers? No - it's the clink of keys as Gossip Shop opens for one last day before Christmas' (December 24)

'In 2009 we will be launching GossipShop.com, an online marketplace for lazy Premier League managers to buy their over-priced, over-hyped and over-paid footballers on.' (December 16)

'The Gossip Shop peddles a wide variety of wares on its shelves, from fancy goods imported from exotic foreign shores to home-grown produce barely within its sell-by-date.' (December 1)

'It is international week and as focus turns towards England's seismic clash with Germany, transfer tittle-tattle on the Gossip Shop shelves is harder to find than someone willing to buy Newcastle United Football Club.' (November 18)

'There might still be 43 shopping days left until Christmas, but the Gossip Shop aisles are already overflowing like a fat lady's shoe.' (November 12)

Here's today's: Like most retailers, Gossip Shop offers a reduced service on Sunday.

But then, if you have managed to get to this point in a so-far gossip-free article, you probably knew that.

The problem is, the Sunday papers have little need to make up unfounded tittle-tattle when their pages are full of actual sport - particularly on this bumper weekend.

How are rumours going to spread when everybody is banging on about how useless England are at cricket, how useless England are at rugby and how useless England must be at football if Carlton Cole can get in the squad?

Consequently, today's top billing goes to an incredibly tenuous rumour from the Daily Star Sunday, found in a strangely familiar-sounding column called Early Doors.

Kasper Schmeichel recently spent one full hour at Old Trafford with his dad Peter, sparking rumours he could move across Manchester from City to United.

However evidence-free the assertion, it might actually make sense. Schmeichel certainly isn't getting anywhere near the City first team with Joe Hart and Shay Given in his way - and neither Tomasz Kuszczak or Ben Foster looks like a convincing heir to Edwin van der Sar at United.

Meanwhile Hart is also looking for a move away from Eastlands as he attempts to salvage his dream of going to the 2010 World Cup - he is hoping to catch the eye of Tottenham whose boss Harry Redknapp is rarely backward in coming forward.

City are merely reaping the consequences of signing the world's best goalie. Even Given admitted it was "a bit awkward" meeting Hart and Schmeichel, and hardly surprising considering his arrival pretty much guarantees neither man will ever play for the club again.

Didier Drogba's move from Chelsea to Internazionale was one January move that didn't happen but really should have.

The Drog will now mope his way through the remainder of the season before leaving in the summer.

Inter are confident that their free loan of Ricardo Quaresma to Stamford Bridge will mean the Blues look kindly on any offer for Drogba. Yes, because honour and fair play often make a big difference in transfer dealings.

LA Galaxy are tiring of this David Beckham-to-Milan farrago. Or, in the words of their chief executive Tim Leiweke: "We need to end the distractions, the circus and the zoo."

Despite rejecting a £6.7 million bid from the Rossoneri, Galaxy are keen to sell. "If David's in a position where he wants to finish the season in Milan, and Milan in turn compensates the Galaxy so that we can suffer no damages to our fans or to our team, then we'll take a look at it," said Leiweke.

Milan vice-president Adriano Galliani in turn revealed why everyone at the club likes Becks so much, and it has nothing to do with his performance on the pitch.

Galliani said: "Beckham is well brought up, he carries his own bags, he cleans his own boots, he opens and closes the water bottle and hands it back rather than throwing it away." Nice boy.

Staying stateside, is has emerged that Chicago Fire put the kibosh on a dramatic (?) loan deal that would have returned 62-year-old Brian McBride to Fulham.

And finally, the news every Sunderland fan has been wanting to hear - Michael Chopra isn't coming back. His loan to Cardiff is expected to turn into a £4m permanent deal.

Alex Chick / Eurosport