Eurosport - Wed, 08 Jul 19:19:00 2009
Trust the cast of the Tour de France to put on a display of comedic buffoonery and coltish intensity on the second day actor Ben Stiller rolled into town.
Twenty-four hours after the star of Zoolander was responsible for making Astana check in late at the start of stage four, Stiller was back again with his new best friend Lance Armstrong, warming up on his rollers and reprising his role as Team Lance-Stana mascot.
On the roads, the riders looked as if they were auditioning for a part in one of Stiller's trademark slapstick capers.
Denis Menchov reminded the world of his reliability by surprising no one with a frantic tumble into the barriers. World champion Alessandro Ballan then proved he could stand in as the Russian's double by repeating his exact fall.
Four of the Bbox Bougyues squad showcased the true genius of French humour by falling into the same ditch on the same bend - but in entirely separate incidents.
Milram pair Peter Wrolich and Niki Terpstra got in on the act too before Silence-Lotto's Jurgen Ven den Broeck showed off his stuntman abilities by getting up after a painful high-speed road-rash crash.
To be fair to the riders, the route was pretty ropey. If Stiller was hoping for some Hollywood Blockbuster-style motorways he was to be disappointed. Instead we got tracks equivalent to art house Eastern European cinema, with winding plots full of holes.
But Stiller only had eyes for his new best friend Armstrong as he continued his bid to get the Texan onboard for a proposed sequel to Dodgeball.
Ignoring the cynics who claim There's Something About Lance, Stiller is pushing the seven-times Tour champ to come out of movie retirement after four years on the sidelines.
With Dodgeball II now tipped to be infused with cycling influences, George Hincapie is touted to take on Vince Vaughn's role as the good guy, while Chuck Norris, who played himself in the original, is set to be snubbed for a man much harder, Armstrong's friend Jens Voigt.
(Incidentally, fresh evidence came to light on Tuesday that those nasty crosswinds on Monday were in fact caused when Voigt farted. He's that tough.)
Back to the racing, where Astana tore the field to shreds much like the film Dodgeball (except the fact that the only Underdog amongst the Kazakh-funded team is the sole Kazakh representative, Dmitriy Muravyev, who must feel a bit of twerp lying in second-last position in the GC while his other team-mates razz it up in the top 10).
Unlike a feel-good Stiller movie, however, there was to be no happy ending for Team Lance-Stana after pantomime villain Fabian Cancelthefun rather parsimoniously clung on to the yellow jersey by a fraction of a second thought to be equal to a prodigious chin's worth of time.
Talk about messing up the script. Stiller looked as if he had just been told that the Night at the Museum franchise was to become a trilogy as he climbed the podium and huffily handed over the maillot jaune to some Swiss guy who wasn't Roger Federer.
Quite what he was doing there in the first place is anyone's guess, but one thing's for certain: there was no Blue Steel from Stiller, just a sense of Yellow Stolen.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Swiss timing. Precision timing. I defended the yellow jersey like a lion." Spartacus may live to fight another day, but BS is keen to know where these Swiss zoos are where lions scrap over yellow jerseys.
PLAT DU JOUR: Due to Perpignan's proximity to the Spanish border much of the food has a Catalan influence. Try meat balls in a sauce made with local tomatoes and olives. Fougasse aux gratons (a Catalan brioche with pork) goes down when accompanied by another regional speciality - a glass of vin doux (sweet wine).
STAGE 5 PREDICTION: Much of the 197km route hugs the coastline so there will be more of those difficult winds which could favour a breakaway. But here's hoping we finally have a bunch sprint between all the fast men. Haussler or Hushovd to win.
Don't forget to follow Blazin' Saddles throughout the day on www.twitter.com/saddleblaze
STAGE FIVE LIVE on Wednesday 8th July at 1pm on British Eurosport (Sky 410 / Virgin Media 521); Also available on your PC via the Eurosport Player - click on the link under the picture to subscribe
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