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Step right up Antonio Cassano you are a winner! Yes, cue lots of loud noises and flashing lights, because the Sampdoria striker has become the one millionth customer to enter into the Gossip Shop who has been linked with Manchester City.

Not content with being linked with Ronaldo for a number weeks, City's chubby chasing antics have moved to Genoa where another famous fatty lies in waiting.

Cassano is an undoubted talent, but has always struggled with his weight, with Real Madrid resorting to fining him on a gram-by-gram basis when he was at the club; while those witty fans at the Bernabeu also gave him the rather enduring nickname of "Fatty."

However, credit where credit is due, Cassano has been exceptional since returning to Italy, and says that he put his wild ways behind him when he met his current girlfriend - water polo player Carolina Marcialis.

So it seems that all Cassano needed was a nice, mature, homely woman to add discipline and balance to his life. Oh and did I also mention that Marcialis is only 17?

A GS cheque book and pen wings its way to Mr. Cassano for being the millionth man to visit our Manchester City aisle, with Rennes striker Stephane Mbia coming in just behind.

He has been linked with a £9.6 million move to Eastlands, while City are also still "tracking" (whatever that means) long rumoured targets Thierry Henry and Roque Santa Cruz.

If even a small percentage of these rumours come true then Mark Hughes will officially have the biggest army of strikers under his command since Arthur Scargill.

Elsewhere, Chelsea chairman Bruce Buck (who is American) has said: "one of our priorities is finding English players, they settle quickly and understand the English game."

Oh that's good to hear, so I guess it is no surprise that the latest player that Chelsea have been linked with is a 14-year-old who plays for Barcelona. Gerard Deulofeu is the kid's name and apparently he is the "new Ronaldinho" - better see a dentist then.

GS feels it is harsh to make such comparisons so early in a player's career, but better to be called the "new Ronaldinho" than the "new Steve Sidwell." Although at least Sidwell "settled quickly," on the Chelsea's bench that is. Very good posture that boy.

Meanwhile, Ruud van Nistelrooy has reminded us all that "one day, yes, (Cristiano) Ronaldo will come to Real Madrid." And how we pray it comes soon so we don't have to mention this rumour ever, EVER again.

Calm down Manchester United fans though, as you can replenish your side by paying £18 million for Wigan's Wilson Palacios , who has forged a successful career as a midfielder after playing a starring supporting role as the volleyball in Tom Hanks's 2000 snooze-fest "Cast Away".

GS feels Wilson was robbed of an Academy Award for that role, but West Brom are hoping to get their hands on an Oscar - Mallorca striker Oscar Trejo - who they will bid £5 million for in January.

Tottenham's Kevin Prince Boateng is nicknamed the "Ghetto Superstar," but even he doesn't fancy a loan spell in Birmingham, he will move back to Germany instead.

While across North London, Arsenal's inability to get things done in the transfer market has reached a new low, with a failed bid for Millwall's deputy executive chairman Heather Rabbatts being their latest set-back.

It is being wildly reported that QPR want to see Leroy Lita and his crazy celebrations down at Loftus Road, while Ghanaian 'whizzkid' (what does that mean - he is good at computer games?) Tawrick Jibril could be off to Portsmouth.

Finally, the Daily Star has been speculating as to how much debt each Premier League club is in and rejoice Tottenham fans! Here is one table you're not bottom off.

The Top Five

Manchester United (£764 million)

Chelsea (£736 million)

Liverpool (£350 million)

Arsenal (£318 million)

Fulham (£182 million)

The Bottom Five

Hull (£200,000)

West Brom (£2.6 million)

Stoke (£7 million)

Tottenham (£17 million)

Blackburn (£20 million)

Seán Fay / Eurosport