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Kazakhstan are ranked 131 in the world and have nobody you've ever heard of. Surely England can't slip up at Wembley on Saturday. Can they?

Eurosport-Yahoo! attempts to ward off complacency by plumbing the depths of England's murky past to find the worst home performances of all-time.

The conclusion? No matter how mediocre the opposition, England can cock it up big time. Fabio Capello beware.

England's roll of shame

England 0-2 Ireland - Goodison Park, 1949

This was England's first home defeat to anyone outside the UK and set the trend for decades of failure to follow. Walter Winterbottom's men made a dominant start but failed to score, then sat back and got walloped. Con Martin scored the opener, Peter Farrell finished the job five minutes from time.

England 3-6 Hungary - Wembley, 1953

"Look at that little fat chap," said one England player as they lined up for the anthems against the Magyars. "We'll murder this lot." The little fat chap was Ferenc Puskas, and it was he that did the murdering. Puskas scored twice, Nandor Hidegkuti grabbed a hat-trick and England were humbled. Hungary, it turns out, were good.

England 1-1 Poland - Wembley, 1973

Brian Clough never got the England job, but got some revenge when he infamously called Polish keeper Jan Tomaszewski "a clown" before this must-win 1974 World Cup qualifier. The thing about clowns is they have big hands, and Tomaszewski used them to great effect, ensuring England did not qualify.

England 1-2 Scotland - Wembley, 1977

Of all England's home defeats at the Tartan Army (and there have been 18), this is probably the most humiliating. Goals from Gordon McQueen and Kenny Dalglish secured the Home Championship and the visiting fans celebrated by ripping up the pitch and breaking a crossbar - which now resides in Rod Stewart's garden.

England 1-2 Uruguay - Wembley, 1990

Given how Italia '90 went, it is hard to recall the sense of depression that hung over England going into the World Cup. England produced a god-awful performance in their final home pre-tournament friendly against Uruguay. It was so bad it might have caused a riot had Wembley not been less than half full.

England 0-1 Germany - Wembley, 2000

Germany's visit presented England with the perfect chance to give the original Wembley Stadium a rousing send-off, but instead it descended into a soggy farce. Amid torrential rain, Didi Hamann beat David Seaman with a long-range free-kick and Kevin Keegan resigned during his post-match interview. Shambolic.

England 2-2 Macedonia - St Mary's, 2002

If there really are 'no easy games' left in international football, it's only because of the major countries' rank incompetence. David Seaman had a nightmare, England trailed twice and then, having drawn level, spent a futile hour trying and failing to break through a paper-thin Macedonian back line.

England 1-3 Australia - Upton Park, 2003

Nothing hurts like a sporting defeat to the Aussies, particularly when it is a sport at which they are meant to be rubbish. England's capitulation came in humiliating fashion and featured 11 substitutions at half-time when trailing 2-0. Still at least Francis Jeffers got his international career off to a great start with a goal.

England 0-0 Macedonia - Old Trafford, 2006

Ah, this lot again. This was the moment when the nation realised Steve McClaren's appointment might not have been the masterstroke it appeared when England thrashed Greece 4-0 in a meaningless friendly. Even worse than the first Macedonia draw - England never even looked like scoring.

England 2-3 Croatia - Wembley, 2007

So awful for so many reasons. England should have been out already but Russia lost to Israel and gave them a lifeline. Scott Carson replaced David James in an all-too-literal sense as England fell 2-0 behind early on. Having pulled level, McClaren's men drew on fresh reserves of incompetence and lost the game all over again.

Follow live minute-by-minute coverage of England v Kazakhstan and all matches featuring Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and Republic of Ireland on eurosport.yahoo.co.uk!

Alex Chick / Eurosport