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The legendary West Ham striker on scoring with his knees, Russell Brand and being nicknamed Stumpy.

You're hawking your new DVD Tony Cottee's Career Goals'. Of the 306 you scored in your career, a few of those must have gone in off your backside?

I think there are a few that didn't make it on to the DVD that went in off chests and knees and things like that. But to me a goal is a goal, it doesn't matter how it goes in.

Which one is your favourite?

My favourite is my first one, believe it or not. To be a West Ham fan and score your first goal for them against Spurs was a dream come true. I was just lucky that the Big Match cameras were there to capture it.

Russell Brand's face pops up on the cover. What are you doing hanging around with the likes of him?

He's a big West Ham fan. He used to come and watch when myself and Frank MacAvennie were playing for there. He presents the DVD and does a little rap at the end, which is quite funny in his own way. He's a nice fella, and I'm pleased he got involved.

Who was your sporting hero?

The best footballer when I was growing up of course was Pele. I remember watching him in the 1970 World Cup, and in the next one I enjoyed watching Gerd Muller, who was quite a similar size and build to me. He was a great goal scorer. When I started going to watch West Ham properly, it was very much (former Newcastle and Hammers striker) Pop Robson.

What do you think you would have done if you hadn't become a footballer?

My dad was an insurance broker in the City, so I probably would have followed him into that, as my brother did.

Which opponent did you most enjoy beating?

I never really thought about it as a player, but I always seemed to score a lot against Ipswich, Coventry and Tottenham. In fact, I scored my first goal against Spurs, and my 100th, and my 200th. They were probably glad to see the back of me.

Did your team-mates ever give you a nickname?

When I went to Everton they started calling me Stumpy because of my short legs. If there were anymore they're probably not printable!

What's the best freebie you've blagged?

There wasn't an abundance of freebies around when I was playing, although I did once have a sponsored car that had my name written across the side!

What was your first car?

It was a Chrysler Sunbeam. It was my mum's car that I bought from her just to get me to training and back. Once I was in the first team and my wages went up I splashed out on a boy racer Escort XR3, stripes down the side, the lot. I was a good, old fashioned Essex Boy.

What's your most embarrassing moment, either as a player or a pundit?

Once on Soccer Saturday, it was about two minutes from the end of the show and my mind was wandering on to what was going to be on the dinner table when I got home. Jeff Stelling asked me a question that I completely missed. I passed the buck on to Rodney Marsh - he hadn't been paying attention either! Luckily Jeff is a real pro and he covered for us.

What would you save first if the house was on fire? No cop out answers about loved ones either.

It would have to be all my football memorabilia, which is all stuck in the garage at the moment. So I don't mind if the house burns down, as long as the garage is all right!

Apart from the missus, who's your ideal woman?

When I was 18 I could have given you a long list, but when you're 44 you don't think about things like that... (thinks for a while)... Charlize Theron. She's fit. Cameron Diaz too.

'Tony Cottee Career Goals' is in shops now. Go to www.tonycottee306.com to find out more.

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