Jose Mourinho had lunch with Phil Neville yesterday, and if you've ever so much as peered through the Gossip Shop window you know exactly what's coming next.

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Yep, it's pretty clear the Special One has fallen head over heels for P-Nev and has designs on bringing him to the San Siro.

The Everton skipper is being lined up for a creative attacking role at Internazionale in support of Adriano and Zlatan Ibrahimovic - and Mourinho is prepared to do whatever it takes to get his man.

"Neville is everything I admire in English football," Mourinho may have said. "He is the second best player in the world behind Frank Lampard but nobody else can see it. I will shine my light on him at Inter and then you will see his magic."

Back on planet Earth, Newcastle United's Sebastien Bassong has issued a spectacularly cliched 'come-and-get-me-plea' to Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger.

Newcastle are prepared to quadruple the French defender's salary, but Wenger has filled a suitcase with £6 million and should win that argument rather comfortably.

Wenger is also looking amorously towards 19-year-old France Under-21 defender Mamadou Sakho. If you believe the Guardian - and who doesn't? - Sakho will arrive from Paris Saint-Germain in the summer.

Down on the South Coast, Portsmouth gaffer Paul Hart has been told to cut the payroll by 25 per cent - prompting predictably exaggerated rumours of a 'mass exodus'.

According to The Daily Star, Sol Campbell, Kanu, Lauren, Sean Davis, Herman Hreidarsson, Linvoy Primus, Noe Pamarot and Jerome Thomas are among the mercenaries eyeing an exit if their salaries fall to a level that would impinge of their capacity to buy sports cars.

Alternatively, they could raise the necessary funds by auctioning Fratton Park's rather incongruous mock-Tudor frontage.

Meanwhile, Liverpool and Chelsea have literally entered a race to sign Palermo's Danish defender Simon Kjaer - according to the Daily Mirror.

The 19-year-old apparently has an £11m get-out clause in his contract that could see him land a fat salary in the Premier League this summer.

Speaking of transfer races, Aston Villa and Everton are reportedly involved in a tepid long-distance encounter to procure the services of Southampton midfielder Andrew Surman. Who knew?