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Faithful readers of this blog have been spared the old 'Sonic Boom' headline thanks to an astonishing face-off between top cyclists and a little-known TV celebrity chef.

Lars Boom's breakaway victory in Monday's stage 15 of the Vuelta may have been a sub-editor's wet dream - especially one with tender memories of playing Street Fighter on his Super Nintendo - but let's be honest, there's not much to say about the Dutchman apart from that lame pun on his resonant surname.

You're always in trouble if you're writing a blog simply to fall in line with the title - it's a classic case of the tail wagging the dog - so you can imagine Blazin' Saddles' glee when he became a part of cycling's most unlikely scuffle since Lance Armstrong was taken out by a mussette on the way up to Luz-Ardiden.

James Martin, a TV chef with the BBC's Saturday Kitchen programme, was perhaps the last person you would expect to incur the wrath of the cycling community. Until you read the rather pedestrian article he wrote in Sunday's Daily Mail, that is.

Reviewing a Tesla Roadster, the car-loving chef confessed to a profound hatred of "herbal tea-drinking" cyclists, claiming he drove two off the road before triumphantly basking in "the look of sheer terror as they tottered into the hedge in my rear-view mirror".

In terms of playing with fire, Martin's words were cycling's equivalent of Emmanuel Adebayor running the length of the pitch to goad Arsenal fans just moments after kicking a former team-mate in the face.

It was certainly a crass thing to write - even if it was probably an attempt at shock humour in the Jeremy Clarkson mould - but it might have passed under the radar had bike magazine Cycling Weekly not posted a link to the provocative article on Twitter.

Robbie McEwen, the flowerpot-crocked Australian sprinter, led the fightback from the cycling community, imploring people to "either key his car or punch him in the face".

The pocket Titan then gave a link to the website of "cyclist hater James Martin" with the instructions for IT wizards to try and "**** it up" or at least "leave him nasty messages".

BS thought he'd oblige and logged on. Greeting him was a picture of a posing man wearing a pinstripe suit and looking rather like a banker while holding up his latest cookbook.

Now BS says banker, but Bradley Wiggins would say something else. The irate Brit took the baton from his fired-up Antipodean colleague with a succession of succinct put-downs.

Gems included: "James Martin TV chef, the word **** springs to mind, stick to Ready Steady **** mate", "Meal suggestion for this Saturday Kitchen: Spotted D**K!" and "Hey James Martin, how about C**k au vin this Saturday?"

Interested to find out more about Martin, Saddles went down his tried-and-tested means of investigation and pulled up his Wikipedia page.

Here, BS was staggered to learn that "James Martin is an English **** who first appeared on TV in 1996". Apparently, "Martin was brought up on a farm and had managed to retain the manners, ability and sexual appetites of the lowest of farm animals".

The entry continued with a series of slanderous comments about the chef's manhood before concluding, icily, with: "Rumours of his alleged celebrity are greatly exaggerated."

First things first, BS breathed out a huge sigh of relief in the knowledge that he doesn't yet have a page on Wikipedia for people to defile in such venomous fashion. (If he had, the moderators would surely have their work cut out.)

Then BS did the good thing and told the Twitterati to read the hilariously updated profile before the whole thing got censored (as it did an hour later - but not before screen-grabs of the page had been posted on Twitpic.)

Meanwhile, Martin's own website crashed because of incoming traffic while the Daily Mail was forced to disenable the readers' comments tool underneath the offending article for fear of all hell breaking loose.

The latest development is the creation of a Facebook group - unimaginatively named "I hate James Martin" - whose tally of members has just overtaken the number of followers yours truly has on Twitter (that's to say 805).

If ever there was a case of social networking sites giving power to the people and flagging up topical events, this is it. Martin must be feeling like a right plonker now and will no doubt have to perform the same kind of PR stunt that Boris Johnson was forced into after offending the "deeply unattractive" people of Liverpool not so long ago.

But you know what, Martin deserves it; he must be accountable for his actions. Ironically, the anecdote probably never happened, but the chef's lame attempt at subversive humour has come back to slap him in the face - and if anyone can recognise that, Saddles can.

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In other news today, it emerged that gold jersey Alejandro Valverde had been fined after spectators were seen trying to push the Spaniard up the Pandera prior to his explosive comeback on Sunday.

On the surface of things, it's a bit harsh on Valverde - especially seeing that he was clearly irritated by the fans and tried to swat them away with his arms. How would Robin van Persie feel if he had been yellow-carded for being on the receiving end of Adebayor's boot at the weekend?

Still, considering Valverde's proven involvement in Operacion Puerto, some might say he's kind of got off lightly with a fine.

Not so lucky for Italian rider Maurizio Biondo, second in the recent Tour of Denmark, who looks set to pick up a two-year ban for EPO.

BS is still amazed at riders who get caught out using EPO. Ethical issues aside, it must be like being spotted on the bus listening to a Walkman. Someone should tell the likes of Biondo that EPO is so last century.

Follow Blazin' Saddles and the James Martin fall-out throughout the day on www.twitter.com/saddleblaze

Stage 16 of the Vuelta LIVE on Tuesday at 3pm on British Eurosport (Sky 410 / Virgin Media 521); Also available on your PC via the Eurosport Player - click on the link under the picture to subscribe

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