Tour de France - Blazin' Saddles: World of their own

Eurosport - Thu, 17 Jul 12:18:00 2008

Can things get any worse for Barloworld? Mauricio Soler left the Tour before the mountains, Moises Duenas got busted for EPO and now two more riders have gone crashing out, leaving their team rostrum looking as thin as Frank Schleck's arms.

CYCLING 2008 Doping Barloworld - 0

In all honesty, Barloworld might as well pack up and go home. It's not as if Robert Hunter or Baden Cooke are ever going to win a sprint now, is it? And who exactly are John-Lee Augustyn, Chris Froome and Giampaolo Cheula??

And talk about identity crisis: the team is sponsored by a South African brand management company (the irony) which specialises in dealing Caterpillar trucks; they are British-registered, Italian-managed, and filled with a hotpotch of South Africans, Italians and the odd Brit for good measure.

One of those 'Brits' - Froome - isn't even British; he's Kenyan who has taken a British passport, making him the Kevin Pietersen of cycling if you will. Except Pietersen seems to bring something to his team.

Barloworld's caterpillar tracks hit their first snag with the departure of Soler - and with it the team's only realistic chance of glory. The Colombian dominated the mountains last year but failed to ride over any this time around, his crown firmly resting upon Riccardo Ricco's swollen pate.

The unfortunate events in stage 11 following Duenas' expulsion gave credence to the expression 'bad luck comes in threes' with first Paolo Longo Borghini fracturing his collarbone in a fall and then Felix Cardenas gashing his leg.

Even before the two withdrawals, Duenas had somewhat soured Barloworld's morale, a spokesman summing up the situation with the doleful words: "The team is in a bad mood. We are in shock."

On their website, Barloworld went to extraordinary lengths to stress their innocence in the sorry affair.

A statement that would have made Pontius Pilate proud said: "It has emerged that some banned medicines that were absolutely not supplied or prescribed by the team doctor were found in Moises Duenas's room."

Team manager Claudio Corti, sounding like a headmaster who has just discovered that one of his star pupils has a stash of dirty magazines hidden under his mattress, said: "I've asked the French police to fully investigate the case so that we can fully understand the seriousness of what Moises Duenas has done. He seems to have secretly used banned substances, hiding everything from everybody else in the team."

Blazin' Saddles loves the use of the rhetorical devices 'It has emerged' and 'He seems to' but will make no further comment except this: "It appears that some readers are putting into the mouth of Blazin' Saddles words and theories that were categorically not given or even held as his own."

Out of control

Just as Blazin' Saddles was adding the last flowery metaphor to his live comments on yesterday's stage, news broke that there had been an accident at the finish line.

It had emerged that an AG2R team car appeared to lose control 800 metres from the line, hitting spectators and inflicting "bruises and suspected fractures" on four of them, including two children.

Blazin' Saddles is asking French police to fully investigate the case so that we can fully understand the seriousness of what AG2R appear to have done. They seem to have tried a secret manoeuvre of little substance, hiding their intention from everybody in the crowd.

With AG2R's Martin Elmiger missing out from the stage win by a whisker, Blazin' Saddles can't think why the team car may have been paying so little attention to the road at that time in question.

Wish you were here

Following the roaring success of the rest day postcard rubric, Blazin' Saddles is going to bring you another lost note from a different rider in the peloton every day. Today, a former Tour champion:

Hola mama y papa,

Today was another bad day. I have had enough so I attack on the only big climb of the day. The radio go crazy. The manager he shout at me ordering me back to the bunch so I can be there for Alejandro when he next punctures. But I say no. They forget I am a Tour winner. It also has emerged that some banned reading material that were absolutely not supplied or prescribed by Pau council library were found in Alejandro's room and he is blaming it on me. So I turn radio off and try to go alone. But I soon realise that maybe this year is not for me, so I let the pack catch me. I got a little cross and shouted 'Puta!' loudly. Someone in the bunch, McEwen maybe, tell me I should give up cycle sport and become double to Freddy Prince Junior in Hollywood. Is good idea, maybe? His films I like. Don't worry, I will attack again tomorrow. If I can win 26 minutes again I might survive the last time trial and wear yellow to Paris for the first time.

Adios, Oscar

Spotted on the back of a milk carton

Highly-strung, curmudgeon cyclist called Robbie has gone missing off the back of the peloton. His friends and family are concerned because Robbie is not one to stray and he does not usually venture into unchartered territory. There have been sightings of him riding on the front of the peloton accompanied by a rather peculiar looking man dressed entirely in yellow with cuts and bruises to his whole left-hand side - although this seems rather out of character. If you see Robbie, tell him his friends are concerned and point him back to where home is back near the broom wagon.

Predictions and Plat du Jour

It will emerge that some washed up riders that were absolutely not expected or suggested to win by any pundit will find room on the podium on Thursday.

As such, it's got to be Barloworld's Cooke followed by a Ricard on the seafront as the Tour hits the Mediterranean for the first and last time. To eat, maybe some local Lucques olives, renowned for their oblong shape, a nice swordfish steak and some Narbonese honey.

Lanterne Rouge

Oh, the fringe benefits of being the yellow jersey. Here, Cadel Evans gets all excited about a stuffed toy: "In Australia, it would be a kangaroo, but for a rider, the small lion is something else." Blazin' Saddles wishes Cadel would say what else it is. But it has emerged. . . etc and so forth.

Watch live coverage of every stage on your PC via the Eurosport player - click on the link under the picture to subscribe.

Or watch the action on British Eurosport - available in the UK on Sky channel 410 and Virgin Media channel 521 or British Eurosport 2 - available on Sky 411 and Virgin Media 525.

Felix Lowe / Eurosport

Comment 1 - 11 of 11

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  1. Dear jane_sm72,
    You really are proof of what a few more years of education is worth.

    From quentino_70, on Thu 17 Jul 8:40PM
  2. I wish Euro sport would have a proper journalist review the tour rather than some muppet who knows very little about the sport.
    The wit of twit and should be judge by his peers for the lack journalistic ability!

    Please Euro sport, there must be someone / anyone more capable than this?

    From quentino_70, on Thu 17 Jul 2:18PM
  3. I wish Euro sport would have a proper journalist review the tour rather than some muppet who knows very little about the sport.
    The wit of twit and should be judge by his peers for the lack journalistic ability!

    Please Euro sport, there must be someone / anyone more capable than this?

    From quentino_70, on Thu 17 Jul 2:18PM
  4. I love the Tour. But, are these riders not just the most stupid atheletes in the world? Don't they get it? How can they inject banned substances and think they are not going to get caught in this highly charged atmosphere? That is just plain stupid, and they should be thrown out permanently and sent back to the 1st grade of school. Beyond belief!

    From William K, on Thu 17 Jul 1:23PM
  5. I agree with the harshness of kicking drug users off the tour. But when it comes to putting people down like felix has done in the article I think he should think about the people who train all year long to get to the tour and want to ride, not just blast them all because they happen to be in the same team as a "cheat". I happen to know one of the riders mentioned in this article and your copinion should rather be kept to yourself don't you think.

    From slg_101, on Thu 17 Jul 12:26PM
  6. mhead73nz i agree wi9th you whole heartily. what the organizers of cycling is doing is a good thing, each cheat that gets caught is making the sport cleaner and thus better.

    as for the blazing saddles blog, hilarious as always.

    From timvandenheuvel, on Thu 17 Jul 9:58AM
  7. Ian Campbell, you are right, cycling is the only sport with a drug problem. Actually, not the hole cycling, but Le Tour... That's because they are testing everybody and they throw them out when they have a tiny-little sign, even if the man in question is a Tour winner or a favourite. I hope you realise that althletics and swimming don't do that and it would be interesting if they did.

    From Razvanica, on Thu 17 Jul 9:27AM
  8. Nice Job Felix Lowe, this @#$% is funny. Finally someone put some humor into all this.

    From chad w, on Thu 17 Jul 9:07AM
  9. What drugs would be needed to benefit a golfer? Well quite a few actually!

    From drugs that calm peoples nerves to those that enhance stamina and power. All these can be beneficial.

    Cycling gets such a bad perception in peoples minds because the organisers are actually trying to do something about it. You just have to look at other sports such as Athetics to see that they have not done and some still don't do that much to eliminate the cheats.

    The real fans of cycling still love the sport and are actually glad when the real cheats get caught as it can only make the sport cleaner and more real than most others.

    From mhead73nz, on Thu 17 Jul 9:03AM
  10. What drugs would be needed to get a surly american round a golf course with a broken and battered knee obviously cycling is the only sport with a drug problem

    From iancampbell11, on Thu 17 Jul 8:49AM
  11. Rather peeved at having woken up so early while on holiday, I sat down to read this; and I'm so glad I did. Excellent stuff! Put me in a great mood for the day. I'm always "sad" when the Tour finishes, but will be twice as sad this year when Blazın' Saddles finishes too.

    From nigelgbsn, on Thu 17 Jul 5:59AM
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