Along with 'come-and-get-me pleas', putting clubs on 'red alert' is a favoured way of linking players with foreign moves.

But as the song of the same name says, don't worry, don't panic, as Transfer Talk is here to make sense of it all.

First up we have Lyon forward Sidney Govou. Being French and a bit tasty, our Sid has been linked with a move to Arsenal on several occasions, and after helping Les Gones to a seventh straight league title he expressed his desire to finish his career at the club - unless he leaves.

He said: "I know now that if I do not leave this season, I will finish at Lyon."

Such well-versed double-speak is sure to feed the interest of some of Europe's top clubs.

Then there is Dinamo Zagreb midfielder Ognjen Vukojevic , who fancies following his pal Luka Modric to Britain. The best way to do that? Simply say how much you would like to play for a club even though they have shown no interest in you, just to let other clubs know you fancy a move.

He said: "I would be thrilled to join a club of Celtic's standing. They are well known throughout the world and it would be an honour to play for them."

Something that could really have the vultures circling is the news that Real Madrid captain and Spanish PFA vice-president Raul is threatening a player strike if measures are not taken by the league to protect players from going unpaid, as has happened at Levante this season.

Raul said: "If there is no agreement and the debts are not overcome, the league won't start."

It's a long way off, but that instability could lead to plenty of 'come hither' gestures from the Premier League's big boys.

If there is an opposite to red alert (green alert?) then that is what Barcelona wonderkid Giovani dos Santos has put everybody (nobody?) on by saying that he is not willing to be loaned out next season, as Manchester City had hoped to do.

Everton are set to break their club record by paying £18 million for CSKA Moscow's Brazilian striker Jo, whose strength and skill would make him the perfect foil for star striker Joleon Lescott.

Across town, Liverpool are set to sign left-back Andreas Dossena from Udinese for £8m, presumably because he never tries to head the ball at ground level.

Tottenham Hotspur are close to completing the signing of 16-year-old John Bostock from Crystal Palace after the midfielder completed a medical. Apparently the teenager will be put on an 'accelerated development programme', which brings to mind to all kinds of science fiction-type procedures involving big metal chambers and cyborg soldiers.

Rangers defender Carlos Cuellar is being heavily linked with Newcastle United after technical director Dennis Wise attended the UEFA Cup final in Manchester. It's good to know he's leaving no stone unturned in his quest for new talent for the Toon, watching a British-based player in a showpiece event happening in England.

Somewhere between its front page declaring "Alice: What a hot bot she's got" and the advert for mail order brides, the Daily Star tells us that Tugay has signed a new one-year deal with Blackburn Rovers.

Rovers boss Mark Hughes has been eyeing up several of Espanyol 's players, including winger Albert Riera. A club source said, with vaguely erotic connotations: "We know Mark Hughes has been watching."

The Welsh manager is looking to bolster his squad after releasing goalkeeper Peter Enckelman (he was still a Rovers player?), defender Stephane Henchoz (he's still playing somewhere?) and Bruno Berner (?).

Meanwhile Wigan Athletic fancy Le Mans midfielder Hassan Yebda, who will join if he doesn't move to Benfica instead. The player's agent said: "If we don't get a good proposal from Benfica he will sign." Nice.

Ivan Campo could join Hull City after being released by Bolton Wanderers. Goalkeeper Jussi Jaaskelainen could join him as his contract up this summer.

So who will become next season's Jari Litmanen? Or the new Lassana Diarra? Alan Hutton or Robbie Savage? Stay with us throughout the summer to follow all the latest transfer rumours and gossip, every weekday during the off-season!

Tony Mabert / Eurosport