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The crackdown has begun in earnest. Yesterday Tottenham Hotspur became the first Premier League club to ban vuvuzelas, and this morning Arsenal followed suit.

The Gunners made the announcement via an article on their website cheerily entitled: 'Vuvuzelas not welcome at Emirates Stadium!'

'This decision has been taken to ensure the enjoyment and safety of supporters on matchdays, which is of paramount importance to the club,' intoned a club statement.

They illustrated the edict with a picture of a South African fan tooting away on the offending horn. No fun for you, Sir!

This despite the fact the man was clearly going about his business safely and while enjoying himself immensely.

And he was doing it at the World Cup. The biggest event in football. You may have heard there were one or two vuvuzelas there. They didn't compromise safety one iota. Yet when brought to these shores the things became a hazard of almost unimaginable proportions.

Either the reasons for banning vuvuzelas are entirely disingenuous, or English football clubs have disappeared en masse up their own backsides. It's a tos-up.

Tottenham cited discussions with the police and fears the tannoy could be drowned out, but since when did announcements that the owner of a V-reg Cavalier has left his lights on represent vital listening?

In any case, it's a sad state of affairs if you're worried about the crowd being too loud. Why not ban cheering altogether?

It would certainly avert those occasional catastrophes when the home team scores as the attendance is read out. Thirty-eight thousand, two hundred and... we may never know. Tragic.

Preston North End recently outlawed them, with the club's safety officer David Asbridge arguing:

"At Preston North End I have gone with having no vuvuzelas in Deepdale on the grounds that it may cause problems with fans objecting or experiencing hearing damage.

"Also, the vuvuzelas could distract the stewards from ensuring the health and safety of the fans. The enormity of the sound created by the instruments could cause problems when hearing for instructions or receiving radio messages."

So they are safe for Soccer City but too dangerous for Deepdale? Nonsense.

But the health and safety jobsworths are just the hatchet men for a crackdown based entirely on money.

Vuvuzelas are a big turn-off for fans inside the stadium and, crucially, those watching on TV.

The BBC and ESPN both toyed with the idea of a vuvuzela-free audio feed during the World Cup, which tells you just how much of a turn-off the things are to viewers.

Football clubs think vuvuzelas could hurt their television audiences and cost them money. That is the real reason.

I was happy to have the things blaring away during the World Cup, but was petrified they would take over in Europe.

I'm pleased clubs are banning them, but wish they would be honest about it.

They could take a leaf out of Dana White's book. The president of UFC (a mixed martial arts series) had this to say on outlawing the things:

"This decision was pretty simple for me. Vuvuzelas make the most horrific sound I've ever heard. I'd rather let Brock (Lesnar) punch me in the face than hear 15,000 people blow on those things."

And that is the point. They are a pain. Simple as that. Why not just say so?

It would have been horribly imperialistic for FIFA to storm into South Africa and ban the locals from using their preferred noisemakers, particularly when they obviously pose no safety risk other than being a bit loud.

But taken away from their natural habitat they just become irritating plastic tubes, a pest to rank alongside laser pens and N-Dubz ringtones.

Ban them, and don't pussyfoot around. Don't couch your interdiction in the language of health and safety. Just get rid of the things.

Of course, you can bet your bottom dollar some clubs will go the other way. How better to boost the noise level of a half-empty stadium than with the inescapable din of a million dying bees?

My money is on Wigan or Bolton to become the Premier League's first vuvuzela haven.

Eurosport