Must leave you guys. Still haven't got Mrs ChrisT a­ Christmas present and unless I go now you can guess­ what'll be on the menu!
Normally in my house I have­ the last word.

...Yes, dear!

The family is sitting at the dinner table. The son asks­ his father, 'Dad,
how many kinds of boobies are­ there?' The father, surprised, answers,
'Well­ son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her­ twenties, a woman's
breasts are like melons, round­ & firm. In her thirties & forties, they­ are
like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. After­ fifty, they are like
onions.' 'Onions?'­ 'Yes, you see them, and they make you­ cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the­ daughter says, 'Mom, how many
types of­ 'willies' are there?' The mother,­ surprised, smiles and answers,
'Well dear, a man­ goes through three phases. In his twenties, his­ willie
is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his­ thirties & forties, it's like
a birch tree,­ flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like­ a
Christmas tree.' 'A Christmas­ tree??'

'Yes dear, dead from the root up and­ the balls are for decoration only.'
Ill go now­ before i get pulled:-)

Árdsay, you nicked it yourself by saying Middle East­ Énd - there, it's not a bit funny now ! Good one­ MGA - as long as you know your place !

Or this one
Chav Christmas Story

There's this bird­ called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?)­ She's not married or nuffink, but she's got­ this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He's a chippy an'­ that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.

One­ day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like­ 'Oo ya lookin at?'

Gabriel just goes 'You­ got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally­ gobsmacked.

She gives it to him large 'Stop­ dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I­ never bin wiv no one!'

So Mary goes and sees her­ cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz is­ largin' it. She's filled with spirits,
Barcardi­ Breezers an' that. She's like 'Orright,­ Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon­ I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits­ an' that we are gonna get.'

Mary goes­ 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'

Mary­ an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to­ ponce a donkey, an' go dahn Bethlehem on an'­ that.

They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop,­ yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that. But there­ ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an'­ Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only­ it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an'­ that.

Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper­ bling, wiv crowns on their 'eads. They're like­ 'Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say­ they're wise men from the East End.

Joe goes:­ 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this­ Frankenstein an' myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold,­ Adidas and Burberry?'

It's all about to kick­ off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's­ got another message from this Lord geezer. He's­ like 'The police is comin an' they're­ killin all the bay-bees. You better nash off to­ Egypt.'

Joe goes 'You must be monged it you­ think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on on a minging­ donkey'

Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But­ it's your look out if you stay.'

So they go­ dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the­ first-born an' it's safe an' that. Then Joe­ and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus­ turns water into Stella.

Heres one for you

A man asked his wife what­ she'd like for her birthday.

'I'd love to­ be 10 again' she replied.

On the morning of her­ birthday, he arose early and made her a bowl of Coco­
Pops and jammy toast

He took her to Alton Towers and­ put her on every ride in the park:
*
The Death Slide­
*
The Wall of Fear
*
The Screaming Monster Roller­ Coaster

Five hours later she staggered out of the­ theme park.

They went to a McDonalds where her loving­ husband ordered her a Happy Meal
with extra fries and­ a chocolate milkshake.

Then it was off to the movies:­ the latest Kiddies three hour epic cartoon,
a hot dog,­ popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, her favorite­ lolly and
M&Ms!

Finally she wobbled home with­ her husband and collapsed onto the bed
exhausted. He­ leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and­ lovingly
asked 'Well dear, what was it like being­ 10 again?'

Her eyes slowly opened and her­ expression changed to one of total­
realisation...'I meant my dress size, you f***ing­ idiot !!!'

The moral of this story: Even when a­ man is listening, he's still gonna get
it wrong

Mine haven't disappeared for a while now!
Which is­ strange as I don't think I'm any nicer! In fact­ I'm quite grumpy really.

m.e give us the joke.

682 - that's the vital clue MGA !!!!!

Oh that's not fair, I was going to make the­ extremely witty remark about the Middle East End only­ to be pipped at the post (bit like Brazil really -­ dragging it back to F1).

Mouron, your post
.
ARDSAY, the exsistant is there,­ like i said its not what you think you know, it is who­ you know, now you be a good boy and your airwaves will­ be safe.
.
thanks for that mouron - adding to the list,­ as instructed.
.
Tell me mourontoot why are you so­ nasty lately, I can remember a time I quite liked you.

How do people get your posts removed?
had mine removed­ last night must have upset some one.
No change there­ then:¬)

ARDSAY, the exsistant is there, like i said its not­ what you think you know, it is who you know, now you be­ a good boy and your airwaves will be safe.

I said desert, not deserted!

Toury's criticism of Elan's post was the­ b0ll0cks!
Haven't laughed so much since ...well,­ last time I laughed really hard.

Chris don't talk about Brands Hatch like that.

Morning mourontoot, yesterday I collected all of your­ insults and threats and sent them in an email to­ BTYahoo.
In their reply they mention that they have had­ issues with you before but they do not believe you have­ anyone inside BT wiping posts. But they are keeping­ tabs on my account.
Now as some of my posts have just­ disappeared I do hope it was not your BT friend because­ BT point out in the email that this is "A Grade 1­ Disciplinary Offence". You might like to mention­ that to him, if indeed he exists.

Yes. I'd guessed that by a comment about footy­ sometime ago!
But I can just see you perched on your­ camel watching Formula One on one of these desert­ tracks.

Chris I am from the Middle East End.

It's difficult to understand some of the posts by­ the nutters.
.
Elan - It's OK to take a bribe­ because if it was offered to someone else they would­ have taken it. No it isn't.
.
Golf - It's­ simply appearance money that no one was told about. Oh­ right.
.
Mouron - well this is what he said
.
ELAN,I­ belive like all other teams ferrari wanted more share­ off the money generated by the sport. What other teams­ , put it right ,the mclaren team of supporters. and­ your spelling is worse than mine.
.
Anyone with any­ idea of the meaning of this sentence means then please­ let me know? The only thing I can pick out of it is­ that he was saying his spelling was bad. No don't­ believe it mouron old mate.
.
I am not a McLaren­ supporter I am an F1 supporter who enjoyed watching­ Lewis win last year. It was great to see a Brit win,­ but of course that is a really bad thing being proud of­ a fellow countryman they don't do that sort of­ things in other countries, do they?

Ang' on So Long Marianne has just started. Sublime.