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So who was the dummy that asked Alex Ferguson for his reaction to his FA charge?

The first rule of attending a press conference chaired by the Manchester United overlord is that under no circumstances do you ask him anything, repeat ANYTHING that could possibly, vaguely, sort of rile him a little bit.

But some inquisitive buffoon nevertheless decided - in error - that a question-and-answer session constituted a legitimate opportunity to ask him, you know, a question.

"Silly question, doesn't get answer... good night," rightly responded a harrumphing Fergie, consigning said journo to a status within the press corps comparable to that enjoyed in Liverpool by the scally who chucked the beach ball.

And what of the Reds' sudden demise? If there's one man qualified to assess the failings within Rafael Benitez's crumbling empire, it is Graeme Souness - a man with such foresight that, during his own spell as manager, he thought it would be a good idea to give an exclusive interview to The Sun.

"There was no spark without Fernando Torres and Steven Gerrard," he said in his role as pundit on Sky. "It was plod, plod, plod. He has signed 67 players but if he is missing two or three it doesn't look anything like a team that can win big games."

Paper Round won't even get into the signings he brought to Merseyside.

The latest twist in the Emile Heskey transfer saga is speculation linking Blackburn with a move for the out-of-favour Aston Villa striker, or as the papers put it a "World Cup lifeline".

Rovers are worried that Chelsea will recall Franco di Santo in January and, with £6m Croat Nikola Kalinic struggling to settle, big Emile could be just the ticket to top-class route one football at Ewood Park.

The Blues are in for Ghana's U20 World Cup star Dominic Adiyiah - if their transfer ban is lifted. He is rated at £4.5m.

Arsenal are looking at Ajax right-back Gregory van der Wiel, a Netherlands international who would cost £7m. If he's anywhere near as good as summer signing from the Amsterdam outfit Thomas Vermaelen, they should snap him up. Atletico Madrid and Barcelona are also interested.

North London rivals Tottenham are to move for Internacional's £14m Brazilian star Sandro, with Barca again linked as well as Real Madrid.

Birmingham manager Alex McLeish is expected to spend £3m of his £40m pot in January on Spurs flop Gareth Bale, who has only won a single league game for the club - and that recently, as a late substitute.

Now that Paddy Kenny's appeal against a long-term ban has been thrown out, Sheffield United will sign on-loan Blackburn keeper Mark Bunn on a permanent basis.

The Sun screams that Harry Redknapp is to "read the riot act" to Peter Crouch and Jonathan Woodgate after their trip to a nightclub at the weekend. Their source is quoted: "Harry is very annoyed; he will quiz them about it." They must be shaking in their boots.

An unhappy man at present is Martin Allen, placed on gardening leave by Cheltenham after an alleged racist slur directed at a bouncer. Gloucestershire Police are to investigate the claim.

"I wish to confirm these allegations are untrue and deeply hurtful to me - and I will now be taking appropriate steps to clear my name," the boss said.

The ref who sent off Nottingham Forest injury-time game-winner Guy Moussi for celebrating has apologised. Nigel Miller showed the Frenchman a second yellow card as he ran to fans at the City Ground after scoring against Barnsley.

"The ref said sorry afterwards, but the rules gave him no option," Forest boss Billy Davies said. "It must be the most pathetic regulation ever, penalising a player for two or three seconds of pure emotion."

It was Moussi's first goal for the club.

Crystal Palace manager Neil Warnock has accused the officials overseeing his side's game against Leicester of... who cares, Neil?

Jonathan Symcox / Eurosport