Real Madrid forward Robinho's agent has been spotted in the capital, which can only mean one thing.

No, not that he fancies a go on the London Eye. That the stepover-crazy Brazilian is England-bound.

Manchester United, Arsenal and Tottenham are the three randomly-selected suitors, it says here.

As rumours go, it is marginally less stupid than the one that has Spurs signing Thierry Henry. Juande Ramos spilled the beans to a Spanish taxi driver, so it must be true.

Xabi Alonso must have felt slightly nostalgic watching the Champions League final last night.

Three years ago he played a leading role in Liverpool's frankly ludicrous comeback against Milan. Nowadays he can hardly get a game.

That could all change if Juventus get their way. They want to take the Spaniard to the Stadio delle Alpi. Liverpool's response: Not without depositing £16 million in our bank account, you won't.

Liverpool are also playing hardball with Aston Villa over Scott Carson. They won't lower their £10m asking price for the keeper, possibly exacting revenge for Villa's hysterical response to their approach for Gareth Barry.

Transfer Talk reckons they're just cutting off their nose to spite their face, but there you go.

The Reds can content themselves with the signing of Paul Ince's young lad Thomas who, like his father, fancies himself as a striker.

Arsenal look nailed on to sign French midfielder Samir Nasri from Marseille for £12m.

It should hardly need saying that Arsene Wenger likes the fact he is young, skilful and quick. Even more inevitably, everyone is calling him the new Zinedine Zidane.

Nasri's agent is cannily keeping his options open but despite his protestations that talk of a deal with Arsenal is "premature", it's going to happen.

It is hard to believe that anyone thinks Ibrahima Sonko might help a team stay in the Premier League, but it seems West Brom and Stoke want the Reading misfit to show their boys how to get comprehensively outclassed.

Nicky Shorey is better than Sonko, but not better enough to secure a move anywhere better than West Ham, who will shell out £5m for the England (sic) international.

If you had £4m, you would probably buy a big house, double glazing for your grandmother and go on a three-month holiday to Mustique. Wolves manager Mick McCarthy would rather buy Burnley's Kyle Lafferty.

The most Irish manager in football will then tie up a deal for Sam Vokes of Bournemouth, who has been described as a 'wonderkid' but almost certainly is not.

Middlesbrough want to spend a similar sum on Newcastle's Shola Ameobi and face competition from, in increasing order of ridiculousness, Stoke, Norwich and Toronto FC.

And in case you missed it, Mark Schwarzer has signed for Fulham.

CRISTIANO RONALDO UPDATE: Spanish daily Marca has Manchester United chief exec David Gill telling Real Madrid not to f*** with him. No, really. It's their front-page headline. Rival paper As has Real settling for Klaas Jan Huntelaar instead.

Alex Chick / Eurosport