Blazin' Saddles: Cav's white stuff

Eurosport - Thu, 22 Oct 13:51:00 2009

Blazin' Saddles wonders what possessed Mark Cavendish to don a gaudy white suit while picking up an international cycling award.

Mark Cavendish - 0

So, Miss Paraguay, what first attracted you to millionaire cyclist Mark Cavendish? It can't have been his dress sense, for sure.

Twenty-four hours after picking up an award in Belgium wearing a garish white suit from the Ashley Cole school of sartorial elegance, Cav put in an appearance in Italy with his new girlfriend, Fiorella Migliore, winner of a recent beauty pageant for women of Italian heritage.

More on Miss Italy in the World 2008 later - but first, Blazin' Saddles will cast a typically critical eye over Cav's threads.

Tall, good-looking film stars such as George Clooney and Clive Owen can pull off dressing entirely in white: Cav, put simply, cannot.

Maybe it's his pink face, his jowly jaw line, his diminutive stature - who knows? Certainly, it would help if he didn't appear to shop in Primark. But even if he was sporting head-to-toe bespoke Savile Row, the Manxman would struggle.

Cav's the kind of guy who only suits what he wears in the office on a regular basis: that's to say, tight Lycra. Even then, he does his best to look stupid by sporting ridiculous sunglasses which are way too big for his face. Indeed, he'd be the last person on whom the Fast Show would call for a cameo in their Suits You, Sir' skit.

Cav was in Belgium to collect the prestigious International Flandrian of the Year prize after an explosive season that saw the 24-year-old amass 25 victories, including six Tour de France scalps and the Milan-San Remo classic. BS would say chapeau, but it may give Cav ideas (a white hat would really have taken the biscuit, folks).

He obviously thought he'd dress for the occasion but instead did his best impression of any given Premier League football star on his wedding day. The whiter-than-white monstrosity covering Cav's torso looked like it was made from polyester in a Bangkok factory employing workers short of sight and deprived of thumbs.

It was the kind of suit that you could pour red wine on, only for it to slide to the floor without leaving any trace. Someone once had a pop at Saddles for calling the Team Columbia maestro "Cav the Chav". Well, let's lay that all to rest now, eh?

Talking of vino tinto, such a suit would be better, er, suited for certain riders when popping to the clinic for a quick transfusion, no? ("Go ahead, Dr Fuentes - there won't be any trace of blood on this suit.")

In Cav's case, however, it could well have been inspired from his days as a child ballroom dancing prodigy (don't laugh - he did grow up on the Isle of Mann, after all). Cav once told The Times that dancing was "a good way of meeting girls" and he actually met his last girlfriend (more on whom later) through a dance partner.

Anyway, if the suit wasn't bad enough, it was made infinitely worse by the addition of not only a white shirt, but a thin (and what looked to be plastic) white tie. The only rider in cycling history who could have pulled off this fashion faux pas would have been Mario Cipollini.

With Cipo in mind, maybe Cav's stylist simply got his/her timing wrong - for it may have gone down a treat in Italy a day later when Cav picked up another prize at a Gala near Venice alongside his new girlfriend.

"THE BEST THING IN MY LIFE"

On the back of his road-race success this year, Cavendish released his snappily named autobiography Boy Racer' in June.

The book itself was as so-so as you would expect from someone about as articulate as Wayne Rooney's armpit, containing the expected scattergun of arrogant boasting and one rather bizarre suggestion that rival rider Filippo Pozzato "just fancies me".

Perhaps the most telling part, however, was the book's dedication in which Cav admitted to being both a "charmless scally" and an "arsehole" during a seemingly heartfelt message to his then-girlfriend Melissa.

"Lissie, you were there when I was a 16-year-old scally with no money and sometimes even less charm, and you're still there for me now that I'm a lot older but unfortunately, on occasions, no less of an arsehole," his ghost-writer wrote.

"I won't make it up to you with this book or this dedication; I can only hope that I might by loving you and thanking you for being the best thing in my life."

Well, forget the book and dedication. He didn't make it up to her at all, full stop. So good was Lissie in fact that Cav ditched his childhood sweetheart of eight years at the same moment that the pair were meant to be planning their autumn wedding.

While Lissie was there when Cav was moneyless, it seems that now Cav is rolling in cash he has no need for the previous best thing in his life and can move on to bigger and better things - namely Paraguayan models of Italian provenance.

Signorita Migliore must feel rather special now she has bagged herself the hottest property in cycling - although if she's read his book she'll presumably take everything that Cav says (via an interpreter) with a pinch of salt.

It's not hard to see what Cav sees in his new squeeze - she may have an "outie" bellybutton but even BS would come to terms with this if placed in Cav's Sidi Cycling Shoes. But just what she sees in Bingo is hard to pin-point.

We've already established that it can't be his dress sense or his articulacy or his romantic tendencies or sense of decency or humour. What could it be? BS is well and truly flummoxed here. Any ideas?

Whatever the case, White Suit-Gate has capped Cavendish's transformation from brilliant sports star to wannabe media celebrity. The signs have been there for a while now.

First there was the book, then the bizarrely close friendship with Lance Armstrong and the cringe-worthy, rather star-struck internet video appearance alongside the Texan on his Livestrong website during the Tour.

Now he's got the ubiquitous model girlfriend and hanging out at award ceremonies dressed like P-Diddy, BS fears for the future. While Cav suggested himself that he's no less of an arsehole, his latest antics has BS questioning whether he could he be more?

The guy has forgotten his roots quicker than a peroxide blond after a trip to the local hairdresser. 

See Cav's white suit and new girlfriend on www.twitter.com/saddleblaze

Eurosport

Comment 1 - 17 of 17

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  1. If you don't like BS don't read it. Personally­ I like it. At least the writer has a job unlike the­ mountains of pieces of s**t that steal from the­ taxpayer.

    From Calum, on Sat 24 Oct 12:45AM
  2. If only Cav had a yahoo account and could respond to­ this article, especially the last line, to set people­ straight like myself who suspects BS has a point.

    From demi162, on Fri 23 Oct 11:19PM
  3. Check out Blazin' Saddles' Twitter account for­ a glimpse of Cav in the offending suit. He looks ready­ to deliver a sermon on the GOD channel.

    P.s. on the­ BS. It really shouldn't be taken so seriously.

    From CR, on Fri 23 Oct 4:17PM
  4. Normally enjoy reading these articles but this one is­ pretty petty.

    From seanghehir, on Fri 23 Oct 3:28PM
  5. Very funny, BS. Fame + money = new girlfriend +­ dramatic decline in 2010 TdF...
    '
    Please­ Cavendish, keep it all together with the training etc. ­ By 30 years of age you might well have beaten­ Merckx's number of TdF stage wins record. ­ That's better than any new girlfriend.

    From p, on Fri 23 Oct 10:35AM
  6. This article really does trawl the depths of­ desperation. Does the writer really not have anything­ better to do than to sit on the sidelines taking cheap­ shots at one of the few sportsmen who isn't­ media-managed to the minutest detail?

    The Cav wears a­ suit that some tragic lowlife doesn't approve of­ and has to rush off to belittle .. so what? Is the­ author really so stupid that they can't see that it­ says infinitely more about them than it does about Cav?

    From ormin, on Fri 23 Oct 10:26AM
  7. You lot get a life. I am sure Cavendish would laugh at­ this article. If you can't laugh at yourself then­ you have no sense of hunour. Its true if Cavendish­ wasn't a cyclist would this girl be interested. NO.­ But she is so go on Cavendish fill your boots. I would

    From kellyseamus43, on Fri 23 Oct 9:42AM
  8. BS this is BS! Tongue in cheek humour, sarcasm, and wit­ are fine. But pointless character assassinations don’t­ bother. Why should we knock someone for living dream?­ As long as it doesn’t negatively affect his form or­ winning ability he can do what he likes. We can still­ laugh at the white suit ensemble without starting a­ hate campaign. BS – to the back of the class with you­ and think about your actions.

    From Paul, on Fri 23 Oct 8:57AM
  9. However tactless Cav has a propensity for being, at­ least he achieved his success through respectable­ means. If he desires acclaim from the wider media, so­ be it.

    Much prefer climbing specialists myself. If­ only British cycling had the antithesis to Cav, a­ reclusive climber.

    From CR, on Thu 22 Oct 11:35PM
  10. blazin saddles your pathetic, rippin into our best­ cycling talent all because of relatinship issues, and a­ white suit. Next time dont bother and actually comment­ on some cycling

    From djwiners, on Thu 22 Oct 11:06PM
  11. Cav dressed in white, I don't know. Want to see him­ in green? Most of next July.

    From terrytrudgian, on Thu 22 Oct 6:45PM
  12. Anyone who saw the Madison would agree that Cav was not­ the weak rider of the pair. Wiggins was simply greedy.­ Sprinting and endurance are two different sports theres­ not a man on Earth that could win the pursuit, team and­ madison.

    From Calum, on Thu 22 Oct 4:56PM
  13. I don't think he will waste his talent.
    Always­ makes me laugh these holier than thou journo's and­ forum commenters, He did say that in his book and i am­ sure meant it at the time, however we have all been in­ relationships and all had break ups. Things change­ feelings change.
    He is a young bloke who has just had­ the best season of any british road pro ever. He comes­ in for a lot of stick however i like the fact that he­ isn't some media gurus dummy like the modern day­ footballer who comes up with predictale answers. We­ all wore risky clothes when we were young so what

    From mpl1971, on Thu 22 Oct 4:48PM
  14. Let's go with more sarcasm and biting commentary. ­ Leave the news to others.

    From triathchris, on Thu 22 Oct 4:04PM
  15. Thankfully getting his arse kicked in Beijing might­ keep him focussed on the dedication required to reap­ the pleasures of success!

    From mattinson.richard, on Thu 22 Oct 3:32PM
  16. Sometimes I wish you would tone down the criticism. All­ in all it's nice to read about riders in general,­ but this article makes me think I'm reading a­ gossip column in Cosmopolitan rather than a cycling­ news column. Back off a little. You don't have to­ try to be so bitingly sarcastic and critical all the­ time. It sounds like you're trying too hard to­ insult the people you write about.

    From Enid, on Thu 22 Oct 3:26PM
  17. Cav went from being a good promise into being a star in­ a year and half. From now on he will be constantly­ followed around by the media as he is a celebrity.­ There have been a few other sportman in a similar­ position and some of them got carried away by the quick­ success and media exposure and have compromised their­ career. Let's hope that Cav can deal with it­ without wasting his talent.

    From alexmn85, on Thu 22 Oct 3:06PM
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