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We don't know for sure what you're thinking, but if we had to guess then we'd pop five quid on it being one, or all, of the following:

(a) Look at that clunking great typo in the headline, can't those idiots even spell the name of the world's second most famous football manager.

(b) Hah! Another ridiculous, stupendously implausible story from the tittle-tattle-mongers who run the Gossip Shop.

(c) How exciting, but David Moyes is one of the most sensible, decent managers in the Premier League, why on earth would Everton want to replace him?

All of which would be sensible reactions on a day when 'The Special One' is back splashed all over the media - but the man we're talking about is Senor Joao Moutinho rather than Senor Jose Mourinho.

Moutinho is a Portuguese midfielder who plays for Sporting Lisbon, and apparently the Toffees are chewing over the idea of tabling an enormous bid - of up to £20 million - to bring him to Merseryside as a replacement for the long-term injured Mikel Arteta.

Moyes was keen on the playmaker last summer, but unwilling to meet Sporting's price tag. Yet the thought of nine months without Arteta - or Aarghteta, as The Sun dub him this morning - has prompted him to have another root around the back of the Goodison Park sofas to rustle up the extra cash.

Trying to replace injured players seems to be one of the biggest problems managers face these days, but that could all be a thing of the past... because indestructible non-human players are coming soon to a pitch near you!

"It's Roy of the Robots!" cries The Sun this morning, alongside a picture of that robot from the Honda adverts apparently kicking a football. By which we mean a picture of a robot standing on one leg with a picture of a football crudely photoshopped beside it.

"Is that C4-3-3PO?" they also cried, apparently so pleased with themselves for having come up with two such plum headlines for an utter non-story that they decided to go with both.

Hmm. Looking back up this page, we should probably avoid further criticism of spurious headlines for mediocre news stories - though in our defence we'll just point out that The Sun costs 30p while this website is absolutely free.

In case you hadn't guessed, genuine transfer chit-chat is a bit thin on the ground today. But for those of you who are new to this feature and are perhaps, rather ludicrously, expecting some genuine news, here's a quick run-down of what's out there:

Andre Oijer is set to head to PSV Eindhoven when his Blackburn contract runs out this summer; Nottingham Forest's manager Billy Davies is trying to get hold of Stoke winger Michael Tonge and Manchester City striker Ched Evans on loan deals; Danny Shittu is lining up a move from Bolton to either Wolves, Reading or Birmingham; and Brighton have put Paul Ince top of their shortlist for a new manager.

See what we mean? The cheap puns on similar-looking Portuguese names and poking fun at multi-million pound football robots were far more interesting.

There's one other piece of news that's worth a mention: Japan are apparently determined to bid for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups, even if they don't win the 2016 Olympics. Previously, the two bids were to be tied together as a package for stadium-building purposes.

If their bid were to succeed, Mexico, Japan and Germany would each have had two World Cups in the time since England last hosted the event.

The way things are looking, by the time the sport's greatest showcase returns to these shores those robot footballers might not be so fantastical after all.

Toby Keel / Eurosport