While Manchester United responded with indignation to Real Madrid's attempts to hit on Cristiano Ronaldo, the ongoing saga between Gareth Barry and Liverpool is now getting soppy.

In what is threatening to turn into a tale of unrequited lust, the Reds have stooped to using captain and suitor Steven Gerrard to lure the England midfielder from Aston Villa to Anfield.

"I am good friends with him off the pitch and I am desperate..." Gerrard, seen here cheating with John Terry, cooed. "I want Gareth Barry...

"I want... to be as strong as possible and Gareth Barry will certainly make us stronger."

OK, the editing was somewhat selective, but it still makes you sick, doesn't it?

Apparently any move would be financed by the sales of Liverpool duo Xabi Alonso and Peter Crouch, whose asking price of £15 million is set to be reduced to a more Pompey-friendly £10 million.

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Like a heartless ex-lover moving swiftly to the next conquest, serial monogamists Internazionale are courting the slightly more handsome Jose Mourinho while the teary, jilted Roberto Mancini still sleeps on the couch downstairs.

The Special One - seemingly oblivious to the callous nature of Mancini's betrayal - has been openly flirting with Inter chief Massimo Moratti in that lovers' paradise, Paris, and the pair are now believed to be shoe-shopping in Milan. Apparently the Devil Wears Drogba. He certainly signs pre-nups...

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Portsmouth appear to have entered a sizeable tug-of-war with Tottenham for the affections of Manchester City hunk Richard Dunne.

With City's players set to vote with their feet against "eccentric" owner Thaksin Shinawatra's attempts to marginalise boss Sven-Goran Eriksson, Dunne is expected to leave in the summer and it is claimed that he has passed medicals at both clubs.

This footballing example of American-style dating could see the beefy former Everton defender accept the suitor who offers the bigger pay packet. Who said money can't buy you love?

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In classic Madrid style, Fenerbahce have claimed the signing of Newcastle United midfielder Emre on their official website, with no-one else the wiser.

Turkey's own Darren Anderton has been linked with a move away from Tyneside for some time.

And, with the Istanbul side looking to build on their Champions League quarter final appearance last season, the ex-Internazionale and Galatasaray man is viewed as the perfect addition - despite an injury record that would make team-mate Michael Owen blush.

"Fenerbahce have reached an agreement with Newcastle United in order to sign the Turkish superstar* Emre Belozoglu," the club said on their website.

Toon have not yet commented on the move, although don't expect them to cry to FIFA or threaten legal action.

*Ha ha ha. Ha. Ha ha.

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He has an Irish name, which seems to be good enough for Sunderland boss Roy Keane, who is apparently coveting Malaysian-born Scotsman Shaun Maloney.

The former Celtic midfielder has been little more than a bit-part player under Martin O'Neill at Aston Villa and, with the trio having worked together at the Glasgow club before, a smooth path is being beaten for a £4 million transfer.

Maloney has also complained that a lack of first-team action could be hindering his chances with the national team, and given Sunderland's lack of creativity last season he would almost be guaranteed more than the 18 starts he was granted in as many months with the Villains.

Reda Maher / Eurosport