Armchair Pundit
  • A very French controversy

    More bad news for England fans. Despite the woeful performance against Algeria, despite the players' obvious emotional constipation, Fabio Capello's increasingly poisonous relationship with the press and Wayne Rooney's sarcastic barb at the 'supporters' booing him off last night, England are not even the most dysfunctional team at the World Cup.

    That honour goes to France, holding off competition from Australia and Cameroon (both reportedly in open dispute with their manager).

    Les Bleus got one player lighter today after Nicolas Anelka was sent home for insulting coach Raymond Domenech and

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  • A diary of despair

    With the nation gathering in its collective front room for the Algeria game, I chronicled the unique torture that is England at the World Cup by keeping a running diary.

    18.00: After a week of hysterical gnashing of teeth after the draw against the USA, it seems nothing short of a demolition job will mollify the critics.

    Personally, this is my five-point wish list for tonight, which we'll revisit after the game:

    1- A win. Obviously. But I don't care by how many. What I really need is to see improvements in four aspects of England's play:

    2- Wayne Rooney needs to see more of the ball further up

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  • World Cup cheat sheet: Day eight

    After Argentina sparkled and France flopped, England take to the field again as they face Algeria.

    - - -

    Thursday's action

    Argentina 4-1 South Korea - Group B - Soccer City

    Two wins out of two now for Diego Maradona's side, who played with real swagger and togetherness, and have been installed as co-favourites along with Spain and Brazil. Park Chu-Young deflected a free-kick into his own net early on, before Gonzalo Higuain headed the second just after the half-hour mark. Bolton's Lee Chung-Yong pulled one back against the run of play just before the break. Higuain tapped in from close range

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  • Top World Cup marketing tie-ins

    The World Cup is a marketing man's dream. No creativity required - just align yourself with something that already exists and is extremely popular, and bingo!

    I ventured a full quarter of a mile from my house to a local supermarket to check out the best and worst World Cup related (official or unofficial) products.

    While there was nothing to beat the limited edition Cross of St George wheelbarrow on sale in B&Q, World Cup tie-ins were in abundant supply.

    Walkers Flavour Cup

    In the old days, if they were feeling bold, Walker's might release a new flavour for the World Cup (impala and onion,

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  • World Cup will come good

    This morning I sat,
    sullen-faced, in the reception area of a major automotive parts replacement
    specialist in Slough, surrounded by fellow mugs waiting to be told the grim
    truth about the shabby state of their cars.

    As I flicked through
    a 16-month-old copy of Good Housekeeping, scanning the page for top tips on
    uses for left-over asparagus, 12.30 could not come soon enough.

    Fifteen hours might
    not be a long time to develop withdrawal symptoms, but I was desperate for
    World Cup football. Give me anything, I thought, even an absolute clunker.
    Uruguay-France, Slovenia-Algeria, I don't care. I'll

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  • Battle of the broadcasters

    Like it or not, the people presenting the World Cup on TV are as much a part of the tournament as the players themselves.

    So let's have a look at the team sheets for rival broadcasters BBC and ITV.

    The BBC have shown customary restraint in spending the licence-payers' money, sending a team of just 295 to South Africa - 15 per cent fewer than they had in Germany four years ago but still absurdly bloated.

    The TV talent is led by Gary Lineker, with regular studio honchos Alan Hansen, Alan Shearer and Lee Dixon.

    Special guests include Emmanuel Adebayor, Harry Redknapp (who until recently refused

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  • World Cup cheat sheet: day three

    First match, first psychological trauma for England. And that second-round meeting with Germany appears ever-more likely. Here's today's essential information.

    - - -

    Saturday's action

    South Korea 2-0 Greece - Group B - Port Elizabeth

    If there were any justice in the world, Greece would be expelled from the tournament after this abomination of a performance, and FIFA would invite Ireland to play the Greeks' remaining games against Argentina and Nigeria. Woeful marking allowed Lee Jung-Soo to notch the opener from close range, before a shocking blunder by Loukas Vintra sent Park Ji-Sung on his

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  • World Cup cheat sheet: Day one

    In case you haven't heard, the World Cup starts today, and it is hard not to leap out of bed with the enthusiasm of a six-year-old on Christmas morning.

    The cars are decked out in flimsy England flags and the supermarket shelves are stacked with Crouchy-endorsed Pringoooooaaallls - everything is ready for a month-long sporting feast.

    Even if you are not a World Cup junkie who would leave his wife's bedside during childbirth to catch the second half of Honduras v Switzerland, it is hard not to get caught up in the excitement and drama of the tournament.

    Yes, it's overhyped. Yes, it's irritating

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  • We have a tournament

    Well, we've got a World Cup.

    The opening goal by Siphiwe Tshabalala (a spelling minefield right up there with Eyjafjallajokull) was brilliant, uplifting, and although Mexico snaffled an equaliser they probably deserved, it gave South Africa genuine hope of progress in the tournament.

    Tshabalala culminated a superb counter-attack by lashing a left-foot shot into the top-fight corner, then celebrated with a convoluted Macarena-style dance that was just a little too rehearsed to be truly enjoyable.

    If you were picking nits, you might say there is something deeply patronising about the way

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  • World Cup cheat sheet: Day two

    Steel yourself for the unique brand of agony that is England at the World Cup, as Fabio Capello's men take on the USA on day two.

    - - -

    Friday's action

    Opening ceremony
    An hour or so of regulation dancing, children singing an R Kelly. The show was comprehensively stolen by a giant dung beetle, who came on and managed to dribble a Jabulani ball without it flying inexpicably into the crowd. Regrettably, the beetle did not get to take a penalty like Diana Ross in 1994.

    South Africa 1-1 Mexico
    Despite the outrageous noise created by 94,000 vuvuzelas, it seemed the occasion and Mexico would

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Pagination

(163 Stories)

About Armchair Pundit

Alex Chick spent the World Cup pontificating from the comfort of his own front room, and will continue rambling about football from the dark recesses of the Eurosport office. Not so much Armchair Pundit as Swivel Chair Pundit. He has been Deputy Managing Editor at Eurosport-Yahoo! since 2007, although it took him until last week to work out how to use the photocopier.

  • Hodgson hamstrung by foreign influx

    Hodgson hamstrung by foreign influx

    Well, we know what Harry Redknapp would have said had he been appointed England manager and been in charge for tomorrow's friendly against Norway: 'We're down to the bare bones.' And Harry would have been right. As rude awakenings go, … Continue reading → More »

    Jim White - Fri, May 25, 2012 13:01 BST
  • Hodgson lowers England expectations

    Hodgson lowers England expectations

    "You don't have to use short passes. Not if you want to use your big man up front." It could be a line ripped straight from the script of 'Mike Bassett: England Manager', that affectionate yet searingly honest deconstruction of … Continue reading → More »

    Early Doors - Fri, May 25, 2012 09:10 BST
  • Over and out for Pep

    Over and out for Pep

    It's a good time to be a Real Madrid fan. Jose Mourinho has signed an extension which will contract him to the Bernabeu until 2016. Sir Alex Ferguson might think about moving on by then.  Having displaced Barca as Spanish … Continue reading → More »

    Andy Mitten - Thu, May 24, 2012 17:46 BST
  • Coaching or TV? Neville must choose

    Coaching or TV? Neville must choose

    Gary Neville's appointment to Roy Hodgson's England coaching staff surprised me, because I'm not sure he can combine the job with his punditry for Sky. If he is working as a link between the squad and the manager, he needs … Continue reading → More »

    Paul Parker - Thu, May 24, 2012 13:02 BST
  • Barton gazes into the abyss

    Barton gazes into the abyss

    Twelve Nietzsche quotes for Joey Barton to ponder during his suspension: 'If there is something to pardon in everything, there is also something to condemn.' 'Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.' 'And if you … Continue reading → More »

    Early Doors - Thu, May 24, 2012 09:01 BST
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