It's as petty as a famous heartbreaking American singer-songwriter, but apparently an environment group in Belgium has lodged a criminal complaint against three riders for throwing away their rubbish and bidons during last week's Fleche Walloon.
Team Sky's Chris Froome, Ag2R's Blel Kadri and Benjamin Gourge of Landbouwkrediet have been targeted by La Coalition Nature for littering during the one-day race.
Throwing away empty food packs and water bottles technically violates Walloonian law, which says: "Any person who holds waste is required to provide or make the management conditions to limit the negative effects on water, air, soil, flora, fauna, to avoid inconvenience in general, without adversely affecting the environment or to human health."
So, if Blazin' Saddles farted in Wallonia - an action which certainly amounts to adversely affecting human health of the nearby environment by dropping previously held waste - would the cretins at La Nature Coalition have him flushed out?
The United Kingdom Independence Party's Nigel Farage looked a bit of a wally when he recently labelled Belgium pointless and petty during a European Parliament summit - but La Nature Coalition hardly does anything to counter this outlandish claim.
Quite why the group decided to pick on that particular trio of riders from a whole peloton of ostensible perpetrators is anyone's guess.
Perhaps Messrs Froome, Kadri and Gourge are such small-fry that no supporters fought over their bidons when they had tossed them to the side of the road. Water bottles may well be prized collectables for fervent fans, but you're not going to gain a hundred Facebook friends by boasting about a Blel Kadri limited edition bidon or one of Benjamin Gourge's gel wrappers now, are you?
The French have an expression for something which, like this, is a load of tosh - and funnily enough it's "c'est du bidon". Anyway, the whole episode got Saddles thinking of other petty crimes which could see riders made an example of.
For participating in noise pollution and shouting unnecessarily loudly while climbing in the Alps, Bradley "That's what I'm talking about!" Wiggins could surely be given an Anti-Social Behaviour Order. An ASBO could also be dished out to Cadel Evans for general loitering in the peloton during the Tour.
HTC-Columbia could be brought to the sword for not promoting equal opportunities in the workplace, clearly favouring reputation over form while working on their sprinting portfolio.
Cycling's unimpeachable pair Lance Armstrong and Johan Bruyneel would give any employment tribunal a field day with their bullying of Alberto Contador last year at Astana, while in any office around the world Team Sky's Edvald Boasson Hagen could be done for inappropriate toilet breaks.
Denis Menchov could be targeted for vandalism to both bikes and roads, Filippo Pozzato for graffiti and Robbie McEwen for trashing old ladies' flower pots with his knees. Twitter could hold Ivan Basso to rights for damaging their product.
And who could forget Marcus Burghardt's treatment of stray dogs? BS is sure the RSPCA would be keen to press charges. Talking of man's best friend - maybe Alejandro Valverde could finally be charged for not cleaning up the mess left behind by his own dog, Piti.
NEWS FELTCH: German sprinter Andre Greipel has had enough playing second fiddle to Mark Cavendish and has hinted he will leave HTC-Columbia at the end of the year to "ride in a team where I can realise my ambitions".
Speaking to German magazine Sport-Bild, the 27-year-old said he wasn't prepared to wait forever to make a splash on cycling's main stage. "At any other team I would be set for the Tour de France," he harrumphed.
The would-be green giant Greipel has refused to react to Cavendish's disparaging remarks about him in the UK press and last week told an inquisitive Matt Rendell of the excellent Real Peloton podcast in no uncertain terms: "Can we talk about something else? I don't need to talk to the media if I have a problem with someone on the team."
He added, with typical Teutonic logic: "I don't ride my bike for the rest of my life and I would like to compete in the big races next year. If I don't have goals, it's hard to be focused. I need to do more."
Of course, HTC-Columbia could still be the team to match his ambitions - provided his currently toothless British rival joins Team Sky in the autumn. Far stranger things have happened.
Alberto Contador has taken advantage of his geographical location for the recent spring classics races by testing the cobblestone sections that feature in stage three of this year's Tour de France.
Guiding the two-time Tour champ through his first real taste of cobbles was none other than the professor of pave Peter van Petegem, a Paris-Roubaix winner with two Tour of Flanders scalps to his name.
It has to be said that one-on-one tuition with the Belgian classics specialist over the Arenberg is a bit like facing up to a phobia of ghosts by enlisting the help of Peter Venkman. In short: a great call.
"In this stage nobody is going to win the Tour but you can lose it," said the Spaniard.
Meanwhile, Contador's rival and previous team leader Lance Armstrong has become a part-owner of Honey Stinger - a Colorado-based company than makes energy gels, bars and organic chews made from honey.
You have to fear for Honey Stinger's future: like bees, the Texan is surely a force on the verge of extinction.
THE VINO CONUNDRUM: So much has been written about Alexandre Vinokourov since his recent wins in both Trentino and Liege-Bastogne-Liege and, to be perfectly honest, BS can't really be bothered to jump on the bandwagon with a lengthy critique. Just a few thoughts, then.
Many people felt betrayed when Vino was done for blood doping in 2007 - primarily because the explosive Kazakh was a rider they wanted to believe in - but few people could rightly hate him for what he did.
Cheating at a time when most of your peers were also embroiled in Operacion Puerto is one thing - but showing no remorse is another. That put Vino in the slippery category of Riccardo Ricco rather than the angelic David Millar or Ivan Basso.
What's more, Vino still often gives the impression that he truly thinks he did nothing wrong and that he willingly chose to fall on his sword to do cycling a favour.
"The suspension of two years, I accepted without denigrating my sport," he told the Astana official website this week. "My return to competition in 2009 was also made to prove who I am. And I'm not a cheater. I knew that my response to this suspension would come on the bike, with my results and nothing else."
Vino's behaviour is in stark contrast to another rider brought to the sword this week, BMC's Thomas Frei.
Now Frei must be congratulated for being entirely transparent and confessing to everything. Knowing that he has been doping for the last two years, Frei wavered the chance of having a B sample tested.
Instead he spoke frankly to the authorities and the media about how he got caught and how his fellow athletes try - more often than not successfully - to avoid being caught. In fact, Frei underlined that he only tested positive for a micro-dose of EPO because he didn't drink the required litre of water afterwards, which would have flushed traces out of his urine before his drug control at 6am the next morning.
While stressing he acted behind the back of his team BMC, Frei claims his inner circle was always aware of his doping, which started when he was an Astana rider back in 2008.
Frei's honesty is to be lauded - but it also shows just how easy it still is today for riders to get away with doping. Vino may claim he has cleaned up his act, but Frei's testimony shows just how murky the waters still are.
We have no reason to believe Vino any more than we did back in 2007. He remains an unpredictable rider who cannot fail to entertain with his tactical acumen and ballsy riding. But a cloud will always follow the Kazakh snow leopard.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: "I have turned the page. What I want to show from now on is that I can win without doping. Because Vino is all about class. And a lot of hard work. And through this work I want to regain the confidence of the media and of the public. Today is a good turning point." The jury is still out on Alexandre Vinokourov.
Follow Blazin' Saddles throughout the day on www.twitter.com/saddleblaze.