Stage 12 of the Vuelta was no ickle test for Tom Boonen, who picked up a ballsy sixth place despite a gaping hole in his nether regions that wasn't - erm, how to put this? - his anus.
After Wednesday's throbbing ride through the Galician mountains, the Belgian powerhouse explained to one of his national newspapers - in great detail - just why he had been struggling for form in this year's race.
It didn't make for pleasant reading. For those of you with a queasy disposition, please avert your eyes; for those who like a bit of Triple XXX gore, keep on reading.
"Because of the friction of the pants with the saddle, I am suffering from an injury to the scrotum," Boonen admitted frankly, as if he were a patient talking to the blond TV doctor Christian Jessen in that ghastly programme Embarrassing Bodies (that Saddles' girlfriend, the Bike, watches relentlessly).
"The extreme heat and excessive sweating caused a heavy irritation in that area," Boonen continued, before further qualifying his predicament with the shockingly succinct declaration: "There is a hole."
Apparently, it's not the first time the two-time Vuelta stage winner has "suffered in this place, but never as bad as now".
The reporter of newspaper Het Nieuwsblad presumably then showed scant compassion by continuing to press the national icon with probing questions, for the 30-year-old did not let up.
"I got a 'second skin', and glued it to a kind of nappy," he said, before explaining - just in case we weren't already au fait with the intricacies of the human body - that "the perineum, the area between the scrotum and the anus, is simply the most delicate part of the body."
That's enough, Tommeke, put a sock in it - although not literally. Even Saddles isn't that much of a sadist.
That Boonen is still riding the Vuelta - let alone picking up sixth-place finishes in fiercely contested bunch sprints - is quite something.
Saddles can't think of any worse sport than cycling - except, perhaps, horse racing - for such a hellish injury.
Boonen's personal description of his injuries makes the Quick Step rider sound more like a victim of the evil German doctor in The Human Centipede rather than a professional cyclist.
It's no surprise he rode most of Monday's ITT on the tips of his toes. That he finished more than 10 minutes down on winner Tony Martin should be celebrated as an epic achievement rather than smirked at.
Saddles is no doctor, but his only suggestion to Boonen in his time of need is to go to bed at 8pm and hit the sack early...
In non-scrotal-related news on Thursday, Slovakian sensation Peter Sagan took his second win of his debut Grand Tour - but quite frankly, given that the 21-year-old didn't do it with a hole in his perineum, he doesn't get half the praise he probably deserves on this here humble blog.