What better way to get the 100th edition of the Grande Boucle off to a flying start than with the kind of pun that will be a staple fixture in this daily musette of Tour de France blog fun?
With the world's most famous bike race starting on the island of Corsica and visiting the only two departments of Metropolitan France yet to be graced by the Tour's travelling circus, Chris Froome, last year's runner-up, is the logical favourite to take the yellow jersey into Paris, at dusk, in three weeks' time.
In the absence of defending champion Bradley Wiggins, it's his team-mate Froome who carries the baton for Britain on the back of a season every bit - if not more - successful than Wiggins' pre-Tour campaign of 2012.
Put simply, Froome has been pretty much untouchable this year; slipping to second in Tirreno-Adriatico aside (tut tut), the 28-year-old has won every race he's entered since securing only his first ever stage race win in Oman back in February.
In doing so, Froome has done it pretty much the same way as Wiggins: with the support of an unforgiving Sky team that has stifled and strangled their way to total domination. Wiggo's engine has been replaced with the purring motor of Richie Porte, and what's more, he and Froome actually get on, famously so.
But there is another big difference this year - and that is Alberto Contador.
Despite the Spaniard's toiling in the Criterium du Dauphine, Eurosport analysts Sean Kelly and Stephen Roche have both recently come out in support of Contador over Froome in recent weeks - and Saddles is going to have to follow suit.
Last year, it was generally accepted that Wiggins won a Tour that was ideally suited to his strengths at a time when all the ingredients were in his favour (that's to say, both Contador and Andy Schleck, the previous patrons of the race, were either banned or injured).
If this was the case, then many also said that Froome, too, had probably missed his only chance of winning a Tour; with Contador back, order would be restored and normality would return.
It certainly looked that way when Contador topped a Spanish podium in the Vuelta, with a heavily fatigued Froome finishing fourth.
Granted, Contador's 2013 season has hardly been the stuff of legend (unless that legend is the decidedly average Will Smith in the film I Am Legend) - but the 30-year-old has never been a man to churn out killer results throughout the year, usually reserving his best form for July's Tour and peaking at just the right moment (post Pau, admittedly).
He claims he rode at 75% during the Dauphine and will start the Tour at 90% with a view to hitting triple figures when the race arrives in the Alps for a fearsome deciding week of uphill action. Contador has also promised a more attacking and exciting race - alleluia! - than the one Sky dominated pretty much from start to finish last year.
And herein lies the key. For all Sky's success in 2012, they did not have to contend with Contador and nor did they even have to deal with strong opposing teams. Having lost key lieutenant Mick Rogers to Bjarne Riis's Saxo-Tinkoff, Sky won't have it all their own way.
Saxo are also bolstered by Nico Roche, Roman Kreuziger and Contador's Hispanic trio of Benjamin Noval, Jesus Hernandez and Sergio Paulinho (Daniel Navarro, alas, has upped sticks to Cofidis - but could yet be Bertie's 10th team-mate).
Sure, Sky and their swimming scientists will still win the numbers game, and Froome will no doubt calculate his way into a strong position. But an in-form Contador is one of the only riders capable of shedding his big rival on a bad day - and if he attacks alongside fellow countrymen Joaquim Rodriguez and Alejandro Valverde (like we saw on the Vuelta) then we could be in for a real treat.
Saddles's Top Ten Predictions For Paris
1. Alberto Contador - Sky's tactics have only ever worked in a Grand Tour when the Spaniard has been absent. It's a massive punt, because he still looks some way from his best, but Bertie has a knack of producing the goods this time of year.
2. Chris Froome - It may take just one bad day in the Saddle for the man who everyone expects to win the 100th edition of the race. One thing's for sure - finishing second this year would be more of a pleasurable experience than last year.
3. Richie Porte - It's hard to see much separating the Tasmanian from his Kenyan-born superior, although the second ascent of Alpe d'Huez may be a game-changer.
4. Joaquim Rodriguez - The Spaniard is wearing Wiggo's 101 dossard from last year and has grown his sideburns especially. But Dani Moreno won't prove to be as solid as Froome in support, and Purito will struggle in the time trials.
5. Alejandro Valverde - Like J-Rod, Valverde stands little chance of winning, but his Movistar team have strength in numbers on the mountains and it will take a lot to distance the Green Bullet when the road heads up into the clouds.
6. Pierre Rolland - Provided the doctors let him race, the French youngster should continue his upward Tour trajectory. Another stage win beckons - perhaps on Bastille Day on the Ventoux - but he'll ship time in all three time trials.
7. Tejay van Garderen - It will be another promising yet ultimately fruitless year for the American, who will start as understudy to his Australian team leader before proving his worth over the three weeks to ensure he will lead BMC next time round.
8. Nairo Quintana - The softly-spoken Colombian will do his talking on the bike and put in attack after attack in the mountains. He'll ride for Valverde but with a view of proving his own leadership credentials and taking a stage.
9. Bauke Mollema - The Dutch youngster has yet to prove himself on the Tour and will be eager to improve on last year's race, out of which he crashed alongside the majority of his then Rabobank team-mates. Belkin sponsorship will be a boost.
10. Cadel Evans - The Australian veteran and 2011 Tour winner wasn't in Saddles's plans, but then a strong showing in the Giro has made your faithful blogger reconsider. That said, something deep down still thinks that he'll struggle to make it even into the top 20.
Other jersey predictions:
Peter Sagan and Mark Cavendish will battle it out for green, with the Omega Pharma-Quick Step man securing it on the final day with a fifth successive win on the Champs Elysees. Ireland's Dan Martin (Garmin-Sharp) could be one to watch in the polka dot jersey competition, while Frenchman Thibaut Pinot (FDJ) looks a shoo-in for the white jersey, even if he may fail to replicate last year's top ten finish overall.
Stage One: Porto-Vecchio to Bastia, 213km
Forget about nails and tacks being thrown on to the road like last year's Tour - the riders will be more concerned about exploding cheeses. At least, those who have prepared for the Grand Depart by reading Asterix in Corsica... (More on that in the Plat du Jour section).
In reality, the only explosive thing should be the expected bunch sprint at the end - although Marcel Kittel will still be haunted by his own bib short blowouts last year (More on that in Kittel's nightmares).
Kittel will be one of a fine sprinting roster eyeing a win and the early race lead. Although he beat both Mark Cavendish and Andre Greipel in a recent bunch gallop in the Ster ZLM Toer, you'd be crazy to see beyond the Manx Missile for this one.
Last year it was team-mate Wiggins's quest for the yellow jersey that stopped Cavendish getting so many stage wins. This year, it's the thought of the famous maillot jaune on his own shoulders that will inspire Cav to open his tally right from the outset.
But try telling that to Slovak Sensation Peter Sagan, who would be pinching his own bottom on the podium should he end up in yellow after taking first blood.
Sagan may keep his wick dry for the more undulating second and third stages, so Cav may have to defy a German blitz from the likes of old foe Greipel, with his well-oiled Lotto train, and Argos-Shimano pair Kittel and John Degenkolb (who, by the looks of their 70s-style aviator-and-moustache get-ups, could be the Starsky & Hutch of bunch sprinting this summer).
A break should form early on for those vying the Tour's first polka dot jersey: the only climb of the day, the Cat.4 inland leg stretcher of the Cote de Sotta before the race returns to the coast, comes after just 45km, so we should see some action from the outset - most likely from Johnny Hoogerland or a plucky Frenchman with height issues (we're in Napoleon's birthplace, after all).
Stage one Plat du Jour
Knock yourself out with some pungent Corsican cheese - quite literally: in Asterix in Corsica, the fumes from one local offering catch fire and explode a pirate vessel.
One favourite cheese of south Corsica is 'sartinese' - a pressed goat's or ewe's cheese with a dry crust that is usually kept over the winter long enough for it to decay into a tangy, gooey mass whose texture is 'whipped' by live maggots. Needless to say, you won't find this one in the shops...
Offset the diary head-rush with some slices of 'figatelli' - a little pig liver sausage marinated in wine, pepper and garlic, described by one Corsican culinary connoisseur as "simple and rustic in appearance as a Corsican mountain". Push the boat out and grill the sausage with chestnut paste and serve in a fresh baguette. Just don't offer it to Alberto Contador - this is the kind of food that will play havoc in the post-stage testing process...
Coming up throughout the Tour...
Every day, Blazin' Saddles will bring you a Tour de France blog looking back at the day's action and forward to tomorrow's stage. As well as the daily 'Plat du Jour' there will also be a 'Hot or Not' section, the 'Move of the Day' and, perhaps, a stand-out quote. And you can follow all the fun throughout the day on Twitter by following @saddleblaze.