Slovak Sensation™ Peter Sagan racked up another win — and no doubt could have bedded a podium girl too — after a typically bullish performance in the opening road stage of the Tour.
A debut Tour win at the first attempt is just what we'd expect from the man some call The Terminator and others, the Velvet Samurai.
As the 22-year-old crossed the line after hitching a final-kilometre taxi ride from chauffeur extraordinaire Fabian Cancellara — who looked a bit like a New York cab in his yellow jersey — Sagan cheekily celebrated with a nonchalant hand-on-hips routine, followed by a sheepish bicep-tensing jig and then a right-finger point to the sky.
Once again, it's what we have come to expect from a rider who is amassing quite a collection of quirky celebrations (Saddles' personal favourite is still his dance-floor outstretched point with a full right-to-left sweep through the eye-lines of the watching Tour of California crowd).
Sagan's Seraing celebration was so playful and camp it was as if he was taking the mickey out of not only Cancellara but the rest of the professional peloton — as if the 22-year-old was asking them, 'is that all you have for me?'.
In fact, in interviews afterwards, Sagan described his 11th victory of the season as pretty straight-forward. "It was very good that Cancellara was there," he said. "It was good to take it easy behind him."
And take it easy he did, leaving it till the last few hundred metres to surge clear after taking the back seat up the punchy final climb — unashamedly refusing to come forward and tug his opponent after Spartacus urged him through with an elbow flick.
We've seen similar scenes before. Cancellara is so used to employing the redundant elbow flick that he might as well attach some kind of automatic mechanism onto his bike which he can operate by a simple press of a button.
The Swiss maestro told reporters how he tried to get Sagan to come through and contribute, but how the Liquigas youngster had played his cards right and bluffed being tired. "Next time I'll play poker better," said Cancellara.
But Sagan wasn't playing poker. It was far more simple than that: he was merely playing a game of snap — copying Simon Gerrans's Milan-San Remo tactics with aplomb to take what will surely be the first of many stages on the Tour.
Afterwards, Sagan said sorry for winning in the manner in which he did — yet there was no need for apologies. He won fair and square — and did so showing tactical nous that most riders do not develop until their early 30s (if at all).
It's scary to think how many podium girls Sagan could pick up this July. It could be an orgy of Tiger Woods-esque proportions. A vivacious Bacchanalian feast of one Slovakian tyro drinking from the pleasure cup of French fillies the length and breadth of the country.
Sagan will be in the green jersey on Monday's third stage — but it will be his fellow pros who will be green with envy. The Terminator has become the Tourminator — and one thing is certain: he'll be back.
ASO not using their head over helmets
Team Sky looked like a right bunch of helmets out there on the Belgian loop that was stage one. Usually, with their blue and black jerseys, Dave Brailsford's men melt into the background. But a strange decision by the Tour organisers to force the leading overall team to wear yellow helmets backfired ridiculously.
Sky's headgear clashed horribly with the lime green helmets of Liquigas and the pale yellow of Movistar. What's more, the influx of yellow on the front of the peloton belittled the prestige of the yellow jersey itself.
It's bad enough having Saxo Bank's new yellow Tinkoff strip on their jersey. It's a lucky thing Farnese Vini were not invited on the Tour, or it would have been utter chaos out there. (Although God knows how they will look if the Giro follows suit with a plan to introduce pink helmets.)
Poor Bradley Wiggins had to wear a yellow helmet together with black shorts and the green jersey. He looked more like Jamaica's only white professional cyclist — or as David Millar tweeted: "Not cool that ASO made Bradley Wiggins look like a Liquorice Allsorts today. Not very mod."
It didn't help that, unlike his team-mates, Wiggo chose to wear a helmet with no air vents - making his fashion faux pas stand even further out (it certainly seemed more domed than the others').
Sky's back up man for the GC, Chris Froome, picked up an untimely puncture in the final five kilometres and lost over a minute at the finish. But the ploy didn't work: Sky still top the team standings and will have to wear those fluorescent beacons for at least another day in Belgium.
Dad's Army taking it easy
Jens Voigt, 40 years old and father of six children, was RadioShack's chief pace-setter on Sunday as the team of race leader Fabian Cancellara combined to hold the six-man breakaway at bay.
During the afternoon, we learnt that the 198-kilometre ride had the slowest average speed of an opening road stage of the Tour since 1982 — which didn't come as much of a surprise when you considered that the chase had been entrusted to the oldest team to enter the Tour since World War II.
Jens spent most of the time smiling and waving at the cameras, no doubt dreaming about coffee and madcap things to tweet once in the team bus (that, and his slippers).
The lackadaisical attitude spread through the ranks and into the team car, where instructions came through on the team radio addressing local boy Maxime Montfort, who earlier at the feeding zone was allowed to ride up the road and say hello to his family.
Directeur Sportif Alain Gallopin reportedly told his RadioShack riders: "Maxime, you know the route better than us, so just tell the others how it is."
After his second-place, Cancellara thanked his team-mates and stressed that attacking was the best form of defence — but there was no sign of any attacking verve from RadioShack until Spartacus himself stepped on the pedals in the thrilling finale. By this time, Peter Sagan was so fresh after such a sedate day in the saddle that the outcome was only going to go one way.