The opening chapter to Richard Moore's Slaying the Badger is a bit of a stinker, if Saddles is to be perfectly honest.
The tale of the spectacular Lemond-Hinault rivalry over the roads of the 'greatest ever' Tour de France in 1986 is hardly unknown for most cycling fan - and yet Moore magnificently offers a fresh perspective, bringing alive this supreme tussle by resorting to some vintage toilet humour.
From the outset, the reader knows he's in for a treat: "The stench was overpowering: a rotten, putrid smell, so bad that several riders looked around, their faces screwing up as though they were sucking on lemons."
Well, it wasn't lemons they were sucking on, but the contents of Lemond's upset stomach - somewhat runnied by "a bad peach" - which was now trickling down his leg and into his cycling shoes.
Some desperate improvisation involving a team-mate's hat helped out the suffering American in the short-term, but with 60km of the stage still left to ride, it was going to prove one of Greg Lemond's trickiest (stickiest?) days in the saddle.
Now BS won't spoil the table-turningly ironic conclusion to this peach of an anecdote - but suffice to say that Bernard Hinault finished with, at least metaphorically, ample egg on his face.
This tiny asterisk in that famous '86 Tour had been all but forgotten by the protagonists - and it only resurfaced (like a belated s*** that refuses to flush, if you will) thanks to a series of interviews carried out by the cycling journalist Moore while researching his latest book, the launch of which took place last week in London.
Saddles was the lesser known of a whole host of cycling personalities who gathered at the popular bicycle bar Look Mum No Hands for a special Q&A session with the author last Wednesday.
The illustrious crowd boasted the likes of ITV's Ned Boulting, out to promote his own book 'How I Won The Yellow Jumper', and Irish doping journo extraordinaire Paul Kimmage, the former rider who spotted Lemond's smelly soiling back in '86 and informed Moore about it before he interviewed the protagonists for his book.
Saddles had toyed with going incognito, but instead, blowing his accustomed cover, told the Twittersphere that he was "the tall guy in the checked shirt".
Moments later, one of BS's followers replied: "You've just ruined the mystery for me! Surely you're not THAT guy." Another said: "Saddles you write as though you're considerably older than that!!" Neither of the two stepped forth to introduce themselves.
ITV's Boulting, wearing bright blue trainers and a rather loud purple floral shirt, was equally honest over a handshake: "Wow, so you're 'Saddle Man' (?) ... You're much taller than I expected."
Kimmage said nothing - he just spat in Saddles's soup before leaving via the backdoor, presumably to pen another vicious tirade against Lance Armstrong.
Saddles digresses. Back to the book and the Q&A session. Moore described Hinault as an uneducated farmer with no airs or graces who only went to school for the fights afterwards in the playground - which sounds about right.
During their chat in Hinault's austere Breton house, the Badger told Moore that, in the '86 Tour, "if I wanted to s**g Lemond up the a**e then I would have done".
It makes a nice soundbite, but given Hinault's advanced age when he and the fresh-faced Lemond rode together at La Vie Claire - on top of the shock revelations the American made during his nasty run-in with Floyd Landis - it was probably not the best choice of words from the Frenchman described by one colleague as "Hitler, Stalin and Mussolini rolled into one".
Lemond, apparently, was harder to track down than Osama Bin Laden (prior to his death, of course) - and Moore had to resort to Facebooking his daughter (as you do) to secure an interview. The travails of being an investigative journalist, eh?
It was clear from Moore's passion on the stage - plus the classic opening page he dictated to a grimacing crowd - that his book is a gripping read. If the Scot made one thing abundantly clear, it was that the rivalry between Hinault and Lemond during that legendary Tour was something unparalleled in the sport, and something we'll probably never see again.
Having promised the year before on the podium in Paris to support Lemond win his maiden Tour, the 32-year-old Hinault went about trying to break the fragile 25-year-old with mind games throughout the race.
This made Saddles think of the more recent rivalry between two other team-mates, Lance Armstrong and Alberto Contador, during the 2009 Tour. Then, the returning seven-times champion had used the same tactic in trying to defeat his younger rival - despite both men wearing the blue of Astana.
But the Armstrong-Contador rivalry was small fry compared to this one - as is the Tour's current sham 'rivalry' between Contador and Andy Schleck. Remember the Tourmalet, when the Spaniard let Schleck take the win in the wink of an eye?
You would never have caught Hinault doing the same - even when he and Lemond rode alongside each other up Alpe d'Huez, and seemingly called a truce, agreeing to cross the line together, Hinault still managed to sneak ahead over the finish first.
And would you have seen the Badger gift so many stages to other riders as did Contador in this year's Giro? No chance.
The launch party Q&A ended with a cardboard cut-out of Lemond (fetched by yours truly from a high ledge behind the bar) presiding over a badger-shaped cake as it was cut in two (slain, if you will).
Saddles then did the right thing and purchased a copy of both Moore and Boulting's books (at a discount £11 apiece) before hurtling across town for his weekly game of five-a-side football.
Somewhat invigorated by the timeless tales of Hinault and Lemond, Saddles knocked in a hat-trick after just five minutes, and ended up netting eight of his winning team's 12 goals that night.
He just wishes he hadn't eaten that peach on the tube before kick-off...
Richard Moore, 'Slaying the Badger' & Ned Boulting, 'How I Won The Yellow Jumper' (both Yellow Jersey Press / Random House, £12.99).