The advent of the World Cup got Saddles thinking. What if, by some quirk of fortune, every participating nation's footballers were replaced with a compatriot cyclist racing the Tour de France - who would emerge victorious?
For starters, it's a rather unlikely scenario - but such trivialities have never stopped Saddles in his stride before. Of course, cycling isn't exactly big in Africa, nor can BS think of any Koreans in the peloton, so many nations fall at the first hurdle before the group stages even get underway.
Such gripes aside, here's how it would work out in the group stages:
Davide Moncoutie (France) edges Robbie Hunter (South Africa) in Group A.
Representing Argentina (the more established of two footballing nations boasting a pair of brothers in their squad) Frank Schleck gets a bye from Group B.
Despite early promise, Slovenia's Janez Brajkovic misses out to Group C winner Lance Armstrong (USA) and runner-up Bradley Wiggins (England).
Group D sees Cadel Evans (Australia) pip Andreas Kloeden (Germany) after Henrich Haussler (Teutonic Socceroo) can't decide where his loyalties lie.
Robert Gesink (Netherlands) and Nikki Sorensen (Denmark) progress from Group E despite the efforts of Japan's Fumiyuki Beppu.
Reigning Serie A champion Ivan Basso (Italy) storms Group F with Julian Dean (New Zealand) surprising Peter Velits (Slovakia) for second.
Brazil get kicked out of Group G for match fixing, opening up places for Andy Schleck (Ivory Coast - the lesser footballing nation boasting a pair of brothers) and Sergio Paulino (Portugal).
Finally, Fabian Cancellara (Switzerland) motors to the knock out stages but comes second in Group H to former La Liga champion Alberto Contador (Spain).
Now, if we follow the official FIFA draw, we get an interesting quarter finals set up after the Last 16.
France (Moncoutie) get a bye where they face the USA (Armstrong), who manage to pip an ever-hard-working Germany (Kloeden). The Netherlands (Gesink) absolutely whip New Zealand (Dean) to set up a mouth watering clash with Argentina (F Schleck) after they manage to switch off the Swiss engine (Cancellara).
In the bottom half of the draw, we get the Ivory Coast (A Schleck) teaching hosts South Africa (Hunter) a lesson in safari on their way to lining up against England (Wiggins) who manage to see off the ungainly persistence and rainbow flags of Australia (Evans).
Finally, holders Italy (Basso) coast past minnows Denmark (Sorensen) while Spain (Contador) thwart Portugal (Paulino) without breaking into a Sidi sweat.
So, the quarter-finals are like this: France v USA; Netherlands v Argentina; Ivory Coast v England; Italy v Spain
France's World Cup comes to an end when Moncoutie surrenders to Armstrong (USA). With a fully fit squad (and no broken wrists) for a change, the Netherlands (Gesink) pull off a coup in beating the poorly managed Argies (Schleck senior).
A rather lacklustre England (Wiggins) crash out on penalties to the Ivorians (Schleck junior) before Italy (Basso) - old and worn out - capitulate to the classy Spaniards (Contador).
On to the semi-finals, and the USA (LA) are finally sunk by Gesink (Netherlands) while Spain (AC) sends the last remaining African nation (A Schleck) packing.
In the third place play-off, the Elephants totally trample on the Yanks, but all eyes are on the final where, in another one-sided encounter, Spain beat the Netherlands by a record margin.
So, there you have it. Go place your bets on the top four nations in the World Cup being Spain, Netherlands, Ivory Coast and the USA. And if you don't think that's very likely, how about a Tour podium of Contador, Gesink and Andy Schleck?
LANCE BASHING: There's an interesting video doing the rounds which shows Lance Armstrong signing autographs at the Tour of Luxembourg despite the persistent booing of one (ever so slightly tiring) cycling fan.
At first, it has to be said, the repeated boo is pretty funny - primarily because of the anticipated reaction of the American. Usually so serene, Armstrong soon snaps and climbs up a barrier to look his tormentor in the eye.
It's a thrilling stand off: Lance's assailant booing at the top of his voice and shouting the word "menteur" (liar) while the enraged RadioShack leader points his finger and invites the man to "come here and boo in my face".
But watching the video, what becomes infinitely more annoying than the non-stop drone of boos are the repeated cries of "Lance!", "Thank you Lance" and "You are the best!" from one over-awed spectator trying to catch his idol's attention for a photo and an autograph.
If Saddles ever comes across that pathetic man, he wishes to rip out his voice box with his bear hands and stuff it down Piti's throat. There really is no room in sport for complete one-dimensional idolatry like that.
That, however, is the Lance Armstrong phenomenon in a nutshell: both his most ardent supporters and his most vocal detractors are complete and utter bores, equal in their blinkered obsession.
Thank God for the comic sideshow played out towards the end of the video: while Lance tells one of the Shack media men to "call the police, take him away", a small girl can be heard snivelling and whining in the scrum.
"Why are you crying?" asks a lady, presumably her mother. "I just want to get out of here!" shrieks the girl. BS knows how you feel - the same thing crossed his mind.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: "At the Giro I re-found the enthusiasm to ride solo on a climb, dropping the world champion. Now, I am curious to see if the Ivan of Zoncolan and Mortirolo can stay with Contador and maybe put him in difficulty." Not if he continues to refer to himself in the third person…
Follow Blazin' Saddles throughout the World Cup and the Tour de France on www.twitter.com/saddleblaze.