If Carl Pettersson was to give Tiger Woods some advice on how to get back into the winners' circle he may say something like: "Find the nearest cocktail waitress and do what comes naturally."
The big Swede won his fourth PGA title at the Canadian Open last weekend and revealed afterwards one of the key reasons why he has returned to form after a disastrous 2009 season.
"After 2008 I had one of my best seasons on Tour... and I kept thinking 'what am I going to do to get better? Obviously I was a little overweight," he said.
"I thought, well, I'll get fit. So I actually lost 30 pounds, and my game completely left me.
"I guess the timing of the swing and everything was thrown out and I really struggled in '09.
"I'd love to be fitter but I'm not going to go down that road again."
Why is this pertinent to Woods? Well because Pettersson tried to be the model professional and it backfired on him big time.
He went from being a big fatty who earned more than $2 million and qualified for the Tour championship in 2008 to a trimmed-down loser who dropped to 136th on the money list in 2009.
People keep citing Tiger's personal problems as the reason for his mediocre form since his return to golf. They mention all that media intrusion, the breakdown of his marriage, losing all those endorsements etc etc... but maybe there is a simpler reason why he is not producing the goods.
Has anyone thought that the reason why he may not be at his best is because he ain't getting any in the bedroom?
In modern sports the idea of what is, and what isn't, the 'professional' thing to do has become so narrow that there is now no flexibility to account for different personalities.
Look at the England football team at the World Cup. They were locked down in a South African bunker with nobody but the bloodthirsty English media and a dartboard for company. It all ended in predictable tears.
It might work for the Italians, but being shunted to the middle of nowhere and eating pasta for breakfast, lunch and dinner just does not suit the English psychology.
It is no coincidence that the last English team who played with a sense of freedom and style were the Euro 96 side. Back then Terry Venables allowed his team a few drinks and a good time - remember Gazza in the 'dentist chair' in Hong Kong? - but when the time came to play, his players were ready.
Pettersson's win last weekend again shows that while there is a right and wrong way to do things, that correct way differs from person to person.
Just look what happened to him on the Friday of the event. After his second round Jay Williamson - who was on the same score as him - had worked out that they were both almost certain to miss the cut, and so said to Pettersson: "Grab a beer."
"Before you know it, I had seven beers, and my caddy had to drive me home," admits Pettersson.
What happened on the Saturday? The no doubt hungover Pettersson shot a 10-under-par 60 - the lowest score in the tournament's 101-year history.
Maybe Tiger just needs to follow the Pettersson arithmetic, swapping the seven beers for seven ropey-looking porn stars. A 'ménage à huit' could be just the thing that sees those putts start dropping again.
Woods's return to golf has so far turned into a bit of a damp squib and he has yet to win a single event since that chilling press conference in March when he announced his comeback.
But the day he announces his return to sex is the day his rivals will again be worried.
Scorecard of the week: Pettersson's incredible 60 after a night on the beer has to take it, but an honorary mention must go to Louis Oosthuizen's first-round 67 at the Scandinavian Masters. The South African was the star attraction at the event after his Open win, but he didn't let all those prying eyes and a no-doubt distracted build-up get in the way of producing more quality golf.
Quote of the week: "This right here is my dream. When I get out on the golf course it's all business but off the course I kind of have to pinch myself and think: Is this really real? Am I really doing this right now?" - Aahh - isn't that cute? US PGA Tour debutant Adam Hadwin after shooting 68 and 66 at his home event the Canadian Open. The 22-year-old followed it up with 70 and 71 to finish tied for 37th. Not a bad start.
Shot of the week: Richard S. Johnson ended an eight-year run without a title in fine style as he sunk a 30-foot birdie putt at the last hole to claim the Scandinavian Masters title in front of his home fans in Stockholm.
Rankings: Luke Donald's third-place finish at the Canadian Open sees him become the second-highest-ranked European in the world as he leapfrogs Rory McIlroy and Paul Casey into seventh. The sex-starved Woods remains top of the world rankings ahead of Phil Mickelson and Lee Westwood. The Swedish winners over the course of the weekend also enjoy big jumps: Pettersson is up a whopping 98 places to number 109 while Johnson has gone from 329th position to 189.