It was a day which had every bespectacled, ginger beer-swilling
statistician purring over their homemade scorecards as Jonathan Trott and Stuart
Broad became record breakers.
Aside from merely eclipsing his father Chris's highest Test score,
Broad also scored double the amount of the entire Pakistan side as the tourists
wilted woefully like a Bangladesh tail in the final two sessions of the day.
The lanky seamer fell just four runs short of the best score by a
Test number nine with his 169, but his exploits earned him a meal at "the
most expensive restaurant in town" on Paul Collingwood's debit card.
Broad and the painstakingly methodical Trott set a new world
record eighth-wicket stand of 332 to enthral Lord's, while England's nine other
batsmen made just 51 runs between them.
The previous highest partnership for an England pair against
Pakistan was made by Michael 'of course it's Pimms o'clock' Vaughan and Graham 'Nasser
would have dropped it' Thorpe, but Broad and Trott were punching gloves every
hour on a joint vigil of epic standards.
England's tail-enders did their best impression of the top order as
Anderson played Saeed Ajmal as if he were batting with a stump on a marble deck
and was snaffled at close quarters by specialist fielder Yasir Hameed.
Trott's dreamy knock was only brought to an abrupt end when he
suddenly broke out of his 'bubble' to look up and see a mattress wearing Steven
Finn at the non-striker's end, and realised he had to get going at a fair old
lick if he were to reach his double ton. He fell 16 runs short.
The Pakistan batsmen played as if they were encouraging their kids
in the back garden as they tentatively prodded at the ball and adopted such a
meek approach that you wondered if they were being coached by a sleepy Inzamam-ul-Haq.
The master of ceremonies then ushered in the Graeme Swann show as
the spinner took four for 12 in eight magnificent overs, then sent the
beleaguered, but ever classy, Salman Butt back to the hutch second time around.
Finn was also unplayable at one point as the seamer proved too
tall for the sightscreen and both Kamran Akmal and Mohammad Aamer were left
gesticulating in despair at a cluster of helpless blazer-sporting spectators
sat in the upper tier.
As well as England bowled, Pakistan showed about as much grit with
the bat as one D.I. Gower playing in a Graham Gooch testimonial as they
imploded spectacularly with just the shaky Butt making it past 13 in either
innings.
The day could not have ended any better for the hosts either as,
with dark rainclouds loitering ominously overhead, Mohammad Yousuf
uncharacteristically attempted to pick out the beer tent over square leg with
what proved to be the final ball of the day.
The Bearded Wonder was snaffled by Trott at deep backward square,
and his misery was compounded as the white coats suddenly decided that, yes, it
was rather dark after all.
There was no more fitting a sight to sum up the day than the
England players sprinting off in preparation for the weekly 'Swanny Karaoke'
offering at the local boozer, while Yousuf and the portly Azhar Ali trudged off
with their sweaters sodden from a heavy bout of rain.
SHOT OF THE DAY: Broad was so impressed
with himself for unfurling a glorious drive through extra cover, that he
proceeded to give an utterly peeved Mohammad Asif two action replays of the
shot in successive balls.
STAT OF THE DAY: Broad and Trott's
partnership of 332 became the new record eighth-wicket stand for an England
pair, surpassing the previous record of 246 held by Gubby Allen and Les Ames
dating back to 1931.
USER COMMENT OF THE DAY: "What are the odds on Broad's
first innings score being enough to beat both of Pakistan's innings combined? I'd
say about even money." (David
E assumes the role of a satchel swinger as he notes England's overwhelming
supremacy.)