Early Doors was left in a state of shock yesterday after learning that Joe Kinnear’s rambling media appearances and bizarre claims to be Newcastle’s next director of football were not inspired by some piece of Joaquin Phoenix-esque performance art, but were in fact the truth.

It is quite astonishing that such a nonsensical executive appointment can be made in a league which is a global marketing phenomenon and a multi-billion pound industry, but Kinnear’s elevation to such a position of power at St James’ Park demonstrates that while amateurism in football was essentially killed off over a

Sometimes, every once in a while, there is a story that comes along that makes joyous reading for the beleaguered, disenchanted football fan, whose passion for the game is slowly being drained away by a steady drip of unsavoury stories oozing from a leaking pipe that regularly spews out news of badly-behaved, self-indulgent players, their slimy agents and the grossly inflated wages both strive for.

These all-too-rare feel-good stories help us remember just why we love this game so much. They nearly always involve an underdog, a player or a team untouched by the darker side of the modern game,

Newcastle should have given their shiny, newly-created director of football role to the fan who boxed a police horse in broad daylight after the 3-0 defeat to local foes Sunderland in April.

That would have been slightly more bizarre than handing over the keys to Joe Kinnear, a figure largely discredited in Geordieland after his previous failed attempt at the manager's job. Only slightly mind.

Newcastle owner Mike Ashley is nothing if not unpredictable. It is his toy, and he will do what he wants with it. That is hardly good news for Alan Pardew's long-term health in the manager's post when a

Phil Neville confirmed the end of his playing days last weekend but the news of his retirement barely caused a ripple.

Maybe that was because we all knew what was coming - he had, after all, said his goodbyes at Everton's final home game of the season, although ostensibly that was just his final game for the Toffees, and not necessarily the end of his career as a player.

His decision to leave Goodison, nevertheless, was largely overshadowed by other big-names calling time on their careers at the same time: the likes of former Manchester United team-mate Paul Scholes and old England colleagues

Jupp Heynckes is not only a good manager, he is a good mover. That much was obvious when the Bayern Munich coach decided to hit the dance floor of London’s Grosvenor hotel only hours after his side claimed the Champions League trophy with a 2-1 win over Borussia Dortumund at Wembley Stadium last month.

Sliding a few Bavarian beers down their necks, Bayern's post-match celebrations passed off peacefully, but imagine they hadn't? Imagine if it all got too much for some of the beaten party and the Dortmund defender Mats Hummels washed up at the Bayern bash looking to banjo Arjen Robben for

It was perhaps apt that Jesus Navas was last night signing for Manchester City in a £14.5 million transfer from Sevilla only hours before England were losing 1-0 to Israel in their final match of a wretched few days at the European Under-21 Championship.

Navas's arrival at the Etihad Stadium is hardly going to encourage an infusion of home-grown English talent into the City side under incoming head coach Manuel Pellegrini. Jack Rodwell may not be an out-and-out winger, but the addition of Navas will not create extra space for the former Everton kid - a midfielder purchased for £12m a year ago

Jose Mourinho: Crazy!

Mourinho’s back! And it’s possible we might have overestimated just how much of a chilled-out entertainer he really is.

For all the tumultuous build-up, his first press conference back at Chelsea was as tedious a 52 minutes as any football fan could hope to spend (away from the Britannia Stadium).

This wasn’t just a damp squib. It was a squib that had been pummelled by water cannon before being chained to a breeze block and thrown off a pier. This squib underwent extensive waterboarding before competing in series two of 'Splash!'

With each answer, Mourinho repeated the same tired mantras of

If the incoming Football Association chairman Greg Dyke wants to seek out a learned opinion on where the game's governing body is going wrong in relation to developing a mature and coherent attitude towards youth football, and where it stands in the grand scheme of things in contributing to the overall health of the England senior squad, he could do worse than give Martin Tyler a call.

Tyler remains a commentator without compare in the United Kingdom, but he is not just an empty voice with a microphone.

As the dust settled on a somewhat shambolic 3-1 defeat by Norway on Saturday evening that