What have Dimitar Berbatov and Thierry Henry got in common? Quite a lot it would seem.
You thought another transfer saga on the scale of Henry's epically protracted move from Arsenal to Barcelona last season would never be seen again? Think again.
The gossip-mongers have got a new champion, his name is Dimitar Berbatov and it seems that there will be no avoiding a month of overly-excessive transfer speculation over the gifted Bulgarian's future.
Will he? Won't he? Does to he want to? Do Spurs want to? Who wants him? How much? Who is prepared to read about it?
As with all 'massive transfer stories' the answers are, and will be for some time, fairly ambiguous - possibly; perhaps; probably; maybe; everyone with a sackful of spare cash; £31 million; and finally, anyone who is bored enough with their office job to want to delay starting work in the morning by a further five minutes.
We went through it all with Titi last summer and there can be few out there who were not thoroughly bored with the whole ordeal. So, Dimi, please, please sort out your future one way or another as soon as possible, and allow us to concentrate on QPR's pursuit of Marton Fulop instead. Thank you.
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What next for Early Doors regular Joey Barton (apart from a three-week stay in a luxury countryside spa masquerading as a rehab clinic)?
Well, with things looking pretty bleak up in Newcastle for the headline-hungry (alleged) scrapper, he could always just get away from it all, cut his losses and move to a new club where he would be given the chance to convince another boss he has put his problems firmly behind him. If he's lucky, he might even pick up a sizeable transfer fee in the process, and as for the England caps, he never really wanted them anyway, did he?
What do you mean, this is a well-worn track Barton has trodden? He's done this before? Dear, oh dear.
Okay, so with any further pleas of turning over a new leaf now sure to fall on deaf ears, a new line of attack (no pun intended) is needed.
And what better way to be taken more seriously in football than to make your name sound more grown-up? It worked (sort of) for Andrews Cole and Johnson, so why not the nation's least favourite scally from Liverpool? Absolutely no reason at all.
So stand up, Joseph Barton, and prove to us all that a longer name does indeed lead to greater credibility (Titi and Dimi excluded, of course).
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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "On a scale of one to ten, Chelsea is a ten in terms of importance. My family comes first, but Chelsea is second." Frank Lampard fails to see the point in rating things out of ten, and not 11.
COMING UP: A bumper pre-weekend edition of Transfer Talk will be winging its way towards you 'toot sweet', as Thierry would say. Just let us have a cup of coffee first and we'll get right on it.
FOREIGN VIEW: Hidden somewhere in between photos of Britney Spears and what appears to be her OJ Simpson-style car chase with an ambulance (but may not actually be that), Germany's gloriously tacky Bild already has Jose Mourinho lined up to take over at Bayern Munich in the summer.