From the moment in the first half when the ball sailed through Marques Colston's hands and clanged off his helmet, Early Doors realised its bet on the New Orleans Saints was not going to end well.

Then something odd happened. The 'Aints' started to put points on the board while the Indianapolis Colts' receivers took turns to impersonate David James attempting to catch a cross.

It was all over when Peyton Manning, the best player in the game, flung one down the throat of a Saints defender, leaving ED ever-so-slightly better off and feeling well-disposed towards the curious game of American

You just couldn't make it up, could you?

The news that Ashley Cole could miss the rest of the season with a fractured ankle means that Wayne Bridge is set to be called into action alongside John Terry for England when they play Egypt next month.

It means that Fabio Capello will have to deal with the nightmare scenario he was so keen to avoid, courtesy of a twist that would have been seen as wearily predictable had it cropped up in a soap opera storyline.

'BBC 1, 7:45 - Englanders: Sworn enemies Wayne and John are forced to work together after Ashley goes to hospital. Meanwhile, Rio's

Early Doors has always had a soft spot for Neil Warnock. Well, not a soft spot exactly, but it's always been grateful for the endless stream of great copy that, win or lose, he gives journalists.

In much the same way, ED can't abide the weekly prime time car crash that is ITV's Take Me Out, and will tell anyone who'll listen exactly that, but it couldn't live without the feeling of superiority it gets from a sneaky peek at Paddy McGuinness and his cackling harem.

Warnock was at it again last night after his beleaguered Crystal Palace side put administration behind them and almost knocked Aston

Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti has denied quotes attributed to him saying that every neutral in Italy will want Chelsea to beat Internazionale in their Champions League clash in Milan this evening.

That may well be a correct assertion, had it been said in the first place, but Italian football fans should really be hoping the Nerazzurri can beat the Blues and reach the last eight, for the good of their national game.

Just as it was with David Beckham's reunion with Manchester United last week, all the talk in the build-up to this match has been about Jose Mourinho. The Portuguese has shrewdly

Say what you like about Jose Mourinho, but he certainly knows how to make a statement.

The Portuguese manager did not celebrate either of his side's goals as Internazionale beat Chelsea 2-1 in their Champions League second round first leg in Milan, as a mark of respect to his former club.

Just when a fresh dose of canny sound bites and sly digs at his opposite number in the pre-match build-up was in danger of veering into self-parody, Mourinho gave a magnanimous display in the Inter dugout as his team put the quarter-finals in their sights.

He is too shrewd to do anything that might dent his

Just in case you hadn't noticed, Portsmouth have been in a bit of financial bother of late.

Pompey are set to confirm today that they are going into administration, the first Premier League club to do so.

Subsequently, they will be docked nine points, in effect guaranteeing the relegation that they were nailed on for anyway.

Since winning the FA Cup less than two years ago, a catalogue of mismanagement, unpaid wages and the keys to Fratton Park changing hands four times have brought the club to its knees, as this timeline of events shows.

Pompey's administration is sad for the club, the city

Yet again, Wayne Rooney scoring a header has sent people into frenzy after the striker came off the bench to win the Carling Cup final for Manchester United against Aston Villa.

Eight of Rooney's last nine goals have been aerial ones. Admittedly that's noteworthy, but hardly headline-making. Yet, once again, he's described as 'head boy' on at least one of today's tabloid headlines.

When you have a winger like Antonio Valencia pinging in such great crosses, you're going to score your fair share of headers. When you lose a player like him, you stop scoring altogether. Just ask Wigan.

Had Rooney

Early Doors isn't saying the England squad are a bunch of scruffy oiks, but when a manager who makes his players put on a shirt and turn off their mobiles for dinner is accused by an insider of creating "a military camp", you have to wonder.

Fabio Capello's other "boot camp-style" rules include turning up on time for meetings and not stuffing yourself with room service. Blimey. Early Doors would rather take its chances at Abu Ghraib.

The Italian's old-fashioned love for order and responsibility must be good news for the captaincy hopes of Rio Ferdinand: Party Liaison.

Rio was the brains behind