Sighs of
relief all round at Old Trafford, then. For a minute it looked like Manchester
United might not be able to field a full team next season, and would have to recruit
some 13-year-old ringers from the local park.

But now
they have splashed £16 million on Antonio Valencia (pictured). Who cares whether he is the
right player? He's a player. And
given the summer they have had so far, United will be grateful to get anybody
on board.

It is the
kind of signing that must make Arsene Wenger pound his fists in that ineffective way of his. The Arsenal boss and his scouts
comb the world for

A report yesterday said the housing crash was even worse
than thought - with prices falling 12.2 per cent this year and 4.6 per cent
next.

Almost simultaneously came yet more evidence that footballers
live, to use parlance Jamie Redknapp might understand, in a different stratosphere.

The Sun claims that Emmanuel Adebayor has bought Cristiano
Ronaldo's home in Cheshire's home of the stars, Alderley Edge, where the
streets are literally paved with gold.

The local housing market has been blown sky high by the
arrival of Manchester
City's new army of recruits, many of whom were in the
running

England
launched their World Cup bid yesterday in uninspiring fashion.

First of all, they couldn't
seem to decide which tournament they want to host, hedging their bets with a
logo proclaiming England's desire to see football come home in both 2018 and
2022, which seems a little unrealistic.

And what better way to woo the world than with a giant
football,
some kids with flags painted on their faces
and a Prime Minister with all the charisma of a cereal box?

Gordon Brown was on the scene to chat with David Beckham and
Wayne Rooney amid much forced joviality,
although goodness only knows what

The world has seen the ugly side of women's football now that video footage of Elizabeth Lambert's savage display has become an online sensation.

The violent femme's performance certainly puts the furore surrounding Liverpool striker David Ngog's dive into perspective. To paraphrase Spinal Tap's David St Hubbins, perhaps too much perspective.

Lambert has been suspended indefinitely by New Mexico University's team, the Lobos, after she brutally kicked, punched and pulled hair during the 1-0 defeat to Brigham Young University in the Mountain West Conference semi-final last week.

Spurs manager Harry Redknapp is no stranger to money-spinning ideas that get people's backs up, and he has waded into that most interminable of debates: should Celtic and Rangers join the Premier League.

Bolton chief Phil Gartside's ridiculous plan to add the Old Firm to a new two-tiered top flight has been endorsed by David Moyes and Martin O'Neill, but Redknapp is the first boss with no links to the Scottish game to come out and support the idea.

Redknapp, aiming to endear himself to fans north of the border by name-checking an obscure 1990s Scottish sketch show, said: "Absolutely, I would

Early Doors knows how it feels to be undermined by its superiors. For example, it has recent first-hand experience of being made to work on a bank holiday getting assurances that it would not have to.

So it can sympathise with Lee Probert, the fourth official at Old Trafford who sent Arsene Wenger to the stands on Saturday.

Wenger was told to leave the dugout after kicking a water bottle down the touchline as Robin van Persie's late goal was disallowed.

The move brought on the first enduring image of the season. Expect to see the clip of Wenger surrounded by grinning United fans who could

Alex Ferguson kept up his campaign to become poster boy for the Respect campaign following Manchester United's 1-0 defeat at Chelsea.

A month after questioning Alan Wiley's physical fitness, a criticism which landed Fergie with an FA charge, he could be in hot water again for his rant against official Martin Atkinson's performance at Stamford Bridge.

After United had been the better side for 75 minutes, Darren Fletcher was harshly penalised for a foul and Chelsea scored from the resulting free-kick. Ferguson also took issue with the fact that Wes Brown was on his backside as the ball came in,

When news broke that a huge match-fixing ring had tried to
influence 200 matches around Europe -
including three Champions League games - it was clear what everyone would be
talking about this afternoon.

Thierry Henry, obviously.

After a solid two-day diet of moralistic platitudes, Early
Doors needed a good blast of Roy Keane shake it out of its guff-induced coma.

Asked for his view on Wednesday's
World Cup robbery, Keane showed all the bonhomie that made him a favourite in
the Irish dressing room during his playing days.

In between bouts of haranguing a reporter whose mobile kept
ringing, he