After 47 agonising days, Big Football came back! And then it went off again!

Meaningless warm-up matches against Danish part-timers and uninteresting European qualifiers against Danish part-timers notwithstanding, Saturday's big kick-off in the Premier League saw the return of top class action after what has felt a hell of a lot longer than a month-and-a-half.

But now, just as the ball has got rolling, half of the players have decamped from their clubs to their international squads for the annual round of badly-timed friendlies.

There is an almost full programme next weekend, but the weekend's

When a player makes his debut, all he wants to do is stamp his authority on the game and show his new club what he is all about.

That is precisely what Justin Hoyte did when he came off the bench for Middlesbrough against Liverpool on Saturday.

Hoyte is most famous for having the mickey taken out of him repeatedly by Cristiano Ronaldo, who treats the full-back as a sort of mobile plastic cone.

Now a Smoggie, Hoyte made a 15-minute cameo at Anfield that told the Boro fans all they needed to know.

He came on to shore up the back line with Boro leading 1-0. A quarter of an hour later Liverpool

Ah, UEFA Cup, we've had some good times. But now your number is up.

Whether it be the sight of Rangers' 12-hour boozeathon around the streets of Manchester ending in comprehensive defeat, or the frankly ludicrous 5-4 final between Liverpool and Alaves, you've given us some good times.

You've always been the competition that gave the little guy - Videoton, IFK Gothenburg, Celtic - a chance.

There have been times when the bridesmaid of European football has provided more thrills than its more salubrious counterpart, the Champions League (there, it's been said). With inferior defences and players

International week is over, leaving us free to get back to the serious business of the Premier League, right?

Wrong. With the likes of Robinho, Cesc Fabregas and Martin Petrov all returning home with injuries, there is plenty for their club bosses to moan about following the latest round of World Cup qualifiers.

Liverpool manager Rafael Benitez has appointed himself chief whinger on the subject.

If you need another reason to avoid the 'Grand Slam' clash between Chelsea and Liverpool a week on Sunday, it's the news that Fernando Torres will not be playing after picking up a thigh injury early

In his 12 years in English football, Arsene Wenger has become everyone's favourite hate figure.

The greatest one-eyed windbag since Ry Cooder, Wenger's "I did not zee it" reaction to any Gooner infringement and the way he cocks his pomposity pistol to full bore as soon as an opponent gets within two feet of one of his man-toddler Gooners, pretty much gets on every fan's wick.

So Wenger's latest moan on the back of Arsenal's defeat to Stoke largely would have fallen on deaf ears.

"If Andy Griffin goes without a yellow card today and Van Persie ends with a red, I'll have to review my

Early Doors neglected the take the mickey out of Nicklas Bendtner on Monday for turning out against Manchester City wearing pink boots.

It was too busy banging on about the new, rough-house Tottenham, and for that it can only apologise. As such, it had plenty of quality pink-related gags stored up that were just waiting to be unleashed on the world.

'Bendtner was shocking', 'The striker is playing for his fuschia at the club', 'In those boots he expected plenty of a-puce', etc. You see? Real quality stuff.

However, the Dane went and ruined it all by rifling home the winner for Arsenal against

Alan Shearer, Newcastle
manager - it was only a question of when, and now we have the answer; at the
worst possible moment.

The Geordie Messiah MK II has no coaching experience
whatsoever and has only ever voiced his tactical blueprint from the comfort of
a well-lit studio. Now he has eight games to keep Newcastle in the Premier League.

Owner Mike Ashley has made life even harder by waiting until
three days before the end of a two-week break to make the switch, giving
Shearer just enough time to introduce himself to his players before picking the team to play
Chelsea on Saturday.

At least he

This all-English business is already starting to get a bit tiresome.

Rather than strutting around, pigeon-chested with pride, ED feels as though it has been robbed of a European semi-final.

St George's Day may have passed almost unnoticed by most last week, so the managerial duel between a Frenchman and a Scot was as close as it got to a celebration of Englishness in April. One of the stars of the show was a Spanish goalkeeper who may well be sporting the Three Lions in the future.

This period may be looked back upon as a golden era for the Premier League in years to come when the cycle turns