No organisation manages to credit itself with solving a problem entirely of their own making in more comical or bizarre fashion than UEFA. Well, apart from FIFA, of course.

Resembling an Easyjet-style selection of 'suggested destinations', stars were scattered over maps of Europe to demonstrate UEFA's apparent conclusion that a party with just a single host is now, frankly, rubbish.

Yes, there must be radical change, because the previous system of having a paltry 16 teams playing in just a pathetic one or two countries was only satisfactory for the contented majority - those not on the

There's one image Early Doors can't get out of its head - this one.

It's Neil Lennon in the Celtic dugout, unable to watch Kris Commons's penalty against Spartak Moscow.

Lennon is certainly a strange man, but he is also a strong one, given the terrible abuse and threats he has endured.

So what on earth is he doing not watching his own team take a penalty? For god's sake, man, grow a pair.

As the SPL's TV viewing figures dwindle, now it seems even the Celtic manager can't bring himself to watch Scottish football.

Lennon's off-the-charts passion has brought him an incredible relationship with

Tony Watt makes history

Early Doors rarely speaks to humans, but this time it felt appropriate to break out and consult an individual accustomed to the occasion.

Alan McInally is no stranger to crunch European ties, having played many both with Celtic and Bayern Munich. Times have since changed in Scottish football, heightening the magnitude of tonight's Champions League group match against Spartak Moscow.

The Hoops drew a mini-stinker of a group containing Barcelona, Spartak Moscow and Benfica, but famous wins against the Catalan giants and the Russian side put them in a position where they need to better the

Platini's Champions League tug-of-war

It is appropriate that UEFA's decision to seriously investigate expanding the Champions League to 64 teams should be immediately followed by an evening of final-round group matches that mean absolutely nothing.

ED wishes it was joking. Group A is settled, with Borussia Dortmund and Real Madrid through at the expense of Manchester City and Ajax, while groups B, C and D are nit-picky affairs with draw seedings and the odd Europa League place at stake.

There is almost nothing worth watching, and it is a direct result of the utter tosh that UEFA allows into the group stages, tosh such as Dinamo

The 'In Arsene We Trust' banner has become part of the furniture at the Emirates but it is certainly getting harder for some Arsenal fans to continue subscribing to its message.

Saturday's toothless 2-0 defeat at home to Swansea was met with predictable boos from the home fans as Arsenal slumped to 10th in the table - below the likes of Stoke, West Ham, West Brom and their visitors from Wales.

Football fans often have an inflated opinion about how big their club is, and where their rightful place in the table should be; but even those who have no love for the Gunners must accept that seeing

301012ballonYesterday Lionel Messi was awarded the 2012 FIFA Ballon d'Or. Okay, he wasn't, but we know he will be, just as we knew that the shortlist would comprise Messi, his Barcelona buddy Andres Iniesta and hair gel's Cristiano Ronaldo.

It is testament to the superiority of Barcelona and Real Madrid - and particularly the world's two most prolific players, plus the universally admired Iniesta, of whom no one has a bad word to say - that it has become so predictable, yet it has also become profoundly boring as a result.

Messi and Ronaldo are givens - how could they not be included? - while Iniesta was

At least Chelsea fans waited until the end of the match to boo last night, and by then they were well within their rights to do so.

There was no mass showing of discontent this time when Rafa Benitez made his way to the dugout, none of the personal abuse that marked his first game against Manchester City. Yet Chelsea fans were still pushed to signal their displeasure with the new manager and his team after another wholly unsatisfactory 90 minutes that brought only a 0-0 home draw with Fulham.

The facts - and we know how much Rafa loves facts - make for stark reading. Chelsea have never before

Cast your minds back to February 1. Captain, leader, legend John Terry is still England's brave captain and leader, the world has never heard of South Korean pop chart-botherer Psy and his unutterably terrible 'Gangnam Style', and Darren Bent has just scored in four successive games for Aston Villa. A happier time for all, Early Doors is sure you will agree.

Switch back to last night and it was a rather different story. Aston Villa had to win at home to near relegation certainties Reading but with 10 minutes left it was 0-0 at Villa Park, Paul Lambert on the verge of a borderline disastrous