As befitting a side apparently struggling with their sense of identity, Arsenal's performance was a touch schizophrenic when defeating Olympiacos 2-1 on Wednesday night. As hope sprouted forth in the performance of 18-year-old Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, simple defensive errors once again underlined that this incarnation of Arsene Wenger's Arsenal are very much a work in progress.

The French boss celebrates his 15^th anniversary in charge of the club on Friday - Early Doors imagines by cracking out a bottle of coke, opening some plain Pringles and sticking on Uruguayan second division highlights

Amid the sanctimonious condemnation of Carlos Tevez there
seems to be a clear consensus: anyone who refuses to do their job, even for a
few minutes, should be sacked instantly.

Now, ED realises Tevez is paid a colossal sum of money to do
many people's dream job, and he was being asked to play against Bayern Munich
in the Champions League.

His behaviour was, to put it mildly, not good. And that's
why it's right that he should be punished.

But sacked? ED thinks not.

It is another case of holding footballers to standards we
cannot live up to ourselves.

Early Doors knows this is true because

Yesterday saw European courts and law reported and discussed all across the British media.

Channel Five's morning chat show The Wright Stuff - a phone-in programme which works as a kind of tabloid 606 - had a discussion item at the top of the show entitled "Foxy Knoxy: Would ya?" The Pulitzer Prize is surely in the post.

Home Secretary Theresa May's speech about the absurdities of the European Human Rights Act at the Conservative Party conference has made Maya the cat a source of division between her and Justice Secretary Ken Clarke and given everyone else a glut of feline puns.

And then there

Picture the scene: we are in a Tokyo hotel room, reclining on a bed. The camera lingers, perhaps too long, on a shapely rear hugged by semi-see-through pink knickers. The contours of the bottom seem somewhat hypnotic as light music begins to play in the background and the screen gently fades to black.

As the camera whirrs back into action, though, it is not the face of Hollywood darling Scarlett Johansson we see, but that of Manchester City rebel Carlos Tevez. A frightening prospect, is it not?

But that is the traumatic mental image Early Doors has been unable to expel from its mind ever

Like Halley's Comet and Rip van Winkle, weekends when
football takes a back seat to rugby do not come round very often.

But one such occasion is upon us, as the last knockings of a
Euro 2012 qualifying campaign are overshadowed by the Rugby World Cup
quarter-finals.

True, the football is not without interest. Unless you're
Welsh. Ireland and Scotland (just) remain in the qualification hunt, while
England could still stuff it up if they lose in Montenegro tonight.

But, after an interminable group stage that Ken Bates would
probably describe as "slow arousal", the men with the egg-shaped
balls

This weekend was not the best to be an English sporting fan, it's fair to say.

The nation's footballers may have secured their place at next year's European Championships on Friday night, but they did so after surrendering a two-goal lead in their 2-2 draw away to Montenegro.

Little more than 12 hours later, England's rugby players were dumped out of the World Cup in New Zealand by a France team that (unlike Les Rosbifs) woke up to the realisation that they were in the knockout stage in spite of their poor group-stage showing, not because of it.

While most of the fallout as far as the

Life without Robin van Persie. It is a worst-case scenario that haunts Arsenal fans, whether due to the ever-present spectre of possible injury or the long-term instability generated by his as yet unresolved contract issues.

In a team stripped of Cesc Fabregas and Samir Nasri, the Dutchman is arguably the one remaining world-class talent and has proven as much during this prolific season, culminating in a triumphant hat-trick against Chelsea last weekend. 

The trouble is, Arsenal don't have anything like an adequate replacement for their star player at present. Look at Chelsea's options:

Just when the Geordies' anger towards Mike Ashley and his cronies was starting to wane.

Just when their hand-picked manager Alan Pardew was taking the club to an 11-game unbeaten run.

Just when the club hit the unimagined heights of third place, and the fans were starting to dream again.

Newcastle's owners have gone and renamed St James' Park the Sports Direct Arena, after Ashley's tracksuit company, with a view to selling naming rights to an external party.

Either it was the best possible timing, cushioning the blow with a stratospherically high league position, or it has wrecked any chance