Few things in football are as eagerly-anticipated or as reliably unrewarding as the unveiling of a new manager.

The term 'unveiling' rather oddly suggests that said boss has hitherto been kept under a thin sheet, although in the case of Gianfranco Zola (pictured, actual size), you'd probably only need a hankie.

So, what did we learn from Zola's first outing as West Ham gaffer?

Players' diet: "Pie-mash? I'm not afraid of it ... I'll give it a try whenever I can!"

Discipline: "If I have to get tough I will ... I just hope the player opposite me is not too big!"

Tactics: "At my interview I tried

Mario Balotelli: the gift that just keeps on giving. Once again the Italian has displayed his propensity to make headlines after his piece of showboating against LA Galaxy on Sunday night. Judging by the subsequent reaction, Early Doors is currently trying to ascertain how best to obtain tickets for the public flogging.

But what crime against football has provoked this latest controversy, this outpouring of moralising? If you haven't seen it yet, Super Mario chose to try and spin and score with a backheel when through on goal, resulting in his immediate substitution and a hissy fit of epic

For a man who has been universally acclaimed for the way he carefully and deliberately uses the ball, Xavi certainly can be reckless with his mouth.

Hearing a Barcelona player eulogise about Cesc Fabregas is hardly news, after all Pep Guardiola's troops have been singing his praises with all the lung-bursting passion of Pavarotti for well over a year now, but Mr Tiki-Taka himself may just have crossed the line on Tuesday with his well-publicised comments.

A wonderful player he may be, but a diplomat he is not. And Xavi certainly provoked the ire of Arsenal with his latest generous update on

So long, Le Long.

Patrick Vieira has decided to hang up his boots in order to take a cushy upstairs role at Manchester City. Having recently turned 35, the Frenchman's 18-month contract at City had expired. Rather than try and negotiate one final pay day and continue to be trotted out from the bench for another season, the tough-tackling midfield general has instead called time on a glittering 18-year professional career.

The days of those rangy runs from box to box and those long limbs flying in with crunching tackles which drove Arsenal to so much success are gone for good. No more will we

Wasn't this supposed to be the summer that football forgot? A fallow year between the two cash crops of the World Cup and the European Championships?

Not a bit of it on Sunday's evidence, as we were treated to two dramatic and unexpected results, both settled by nerve-shredding and comically incompetent penalty shoot-outs.

The undoubted highlight came in Germany, where Japan provided a fittingly dramatic denouement to the Women's World Cup by upsetting the odds to defeat USA in the final, triumphing 3-1 on penalties after twice coming from behind to draw 2-2 after extra-time.

Even President

At an estimated £15 million Ashley Young's move from Aston Villa to Manchester United does not represent the most expensive signing of what has been a relatively quiet transfer summer, but it is the most significant deal that has been completed thus far.

It's also a bargain.

That might seem a somewhat crazy thing to say, but one of the most underrated factors when signing players these days seems to be proven quality.

Instead there is a prevalent obsession with "potential": everybody seems to be looking to find that rough diamond that they can then chisel in their own image - even if said

Tuesday saw a few notable events in the continuing machinations of the summer transfer window, involving three of the most talked-about players linked with big moves.

Internazionale came out and insisted that Manchester United target Wesley Sneijder is not for sale, while Tottenham turned down an improved £27 million offer from Chelsea for Luka Modric (although Spurs boss Harry Redknapp gave a first hint at how much the Croatian might cost 'if' he were for sale).

But the biggest news was that of Manchester City rejecting a £35m bid from Brazilian league leaders Corinthians for striker Carlos

Arsenal went to the Reebok Stadium on Easter Sunday hoping to resurrect their title hopes, but instead it was Bolton Wanderers who came back from the dead.

After the Trotters' 5-0 mauling by Stoke in their FA Cup semi-final, they responded by showing the ability to kill off opposition which has so deserted the Gunners of late with a dramatic late 2-1 win.

Owen Coyle was delighted with the way his players show the cojones to keep going even after a saved penalty was followed swiftly by an Arsenal equaliser, and when Tamir Cohen celebrated his 90th-minute winner by revealing a t-shirt in tribute