Round about this time of the season, there is always a
wildcard contender poking about the top of the table.

In recent years Liverpool, Aston Villa, Newcastle and even
Leeds have been this livewire, keeping pace with the big boys even though
everybody knows, deep down, they have no chance of winning the thing.

This season City, Tottenham and Arsenal have all fit that
bill. They are at the business end of the table but they have a crucial
weakness that makes them too fragile to go all the way - City are over-reliant
on homesick malcontents for their goals, while Spurs and Arsenal cannot really

If you needed evidence of just how things can change over the course of a season then look no further than Chelsea and Aston Villa.

When the two clubs met in mid-October the goalless stalemate at Villa Park sent Chelsea five points clear at the top of the table while Villa remained eighth.

Now, following Sunday's 3-3 draw in the reverse fixture, the champions are fifth in the table, six points behind leaders Manchester United, while Gerard Houllier's side are still firmly in the bottom half.

To understand Chelsea's plight you need only look at the contrasting emotions in the final few minutes

History suggests you should beware Greeks bearing gifts, but Early Döorß is more concerned about those who bring sod all to the party.

Otto Rehhagel's crashed Austria and Switzerland's bash, without even supplying a courtesy bottle of service station Chardonnay, and immediately raided the fridge for a six-pack of special brew.

Early Döorß would rather spend the rest of its life trapped inside a wooden horse than watch another 90 minutes of Dellas passing to Antzas, Antzas passing to Kyriakos, Kyriakos passing to Seitaridis, and Seitaridis passing back to Dellas.

After 66 minutes of wondering

Blimey. Didn't see that one coming. No, it wasn't a game in which both teams scored. But it was the first genuinely exciting game of Euro 2008 and a result that Early Döorß would not have predicted even with 15 shots of Jägermeister inside it.

So, in a brief hiatus from taking the piss, Early Döorß takes to its tactics truck, gives a playful parp on its air horn, and continues to make a living out of being wise after the event.

The same qualities that helped Italy to win the World Cup are now seen as contributing to an inevitable and embarrassing defeat against Holland.

Where two years ago

Early Döorß presents its players to watch for Euro 2008. Not for anything good, you understand, but because they might do something a bit naughty.

Austria - Emanuel Pogatetz 

Mad Pog was banned for six months after breaking Yaroslav Kharitoniskiy's leg in two places while on loan at Spartak Moscow in 2005. Possible karmic realignment occurred the following season when he broke his nose, jaw and cheekbone in a clash of heads with a Basel player. Has recently returned to the Austrian fold after publicly criticising his national team coach and captain.

Croatia - Josip Simunic

The ultimate

Early Döorß has always struggled to understand the British tabloid press.

They seem to be in love with Manchester United and England striker Wayne Rooney and even more so with his fraulein Coleen McLoughlin, with photographs of her wearing the same outfit she wore two years ago worthy of being printed and commented upon.

So it is now confusing to see the thinly-veiled glee with which it is reported that it rained on their wedding day in the picturesque Italian town of Santa Margerita.

The Sun, which has a turbulent relationship with the couple to say the least, led the snide sneering by

Petr Cech's incredible howler against Turkey last night added further mental scarring to an already shell-shocked Chelsea squad.

The last month has seen John Terry's Week of Tears^TM and strong rumours that Cheryl Cole has finally decided to ditch 'love rat' Ashley, before Cech's nightmare last night.

Early Döorß shudders to think what terrible fate awaits Michael Ballack tonight against Austria (a 10-5 hammering if the story below holds any water).

All of this psychological damage threatens to make the dressing room at Stamford Bridge more like the clinic in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest,

The clock showed 67:16 in the frankly bonkers match between Switzerland and Turkey when news broke that Big Phil Scolari will be Chelsea's next manager from July 1.

Early Döorß only wishes that it had happened during Portugal's match against the Czech Republic earlier that evening, just to see the reaction of the Portuguese fans.

The statement from Chelsea that revealed their new appointment included the line "He gets the best out of a talented squad of players." Like losing to Greece twice within a month, eh?

But cynicism aside kids, despite the fact that the Portugal job is his first in