David Beckham will bring down the curtain on his 21-year career as a professional footballer when the French champions Paris Saint-Germain visit Lorient in their final Ligue 1 match of the season on May 26.
Still only 38, somehow we can't see Becks fishing, playing golf or meandering down the local bowling club when he hangs up his boots. Not with his obvious good looks and charm. So what will Becks, worth an estimated £165 million smackers, do with the next chapter of his career? An emotional Early Doors is in mourning this morning, but has picked itself up off the floor to come up with a few ideas for 'Goldenballs'.
Become a Hollywood film star
Why not? He is mates with Tom Cruise and Will Smith, who can surely land him a few auditions. You don't need to be able to act to become a movie star. Ask Keanu Reeves or Vinnie Jones. He is so very handsome and smells nice. And would be an instant winner with the ladies. First movie could be a lead role in Bend it like Beckham 2: Cruise Control.
Become King of England
Arise, Sir David? He is already getting tipped for a knighthood this year. Lizzie could give him a few tips on what to do when the time comes for a fresh face on the throne. Who needs Charles? King David and Queen Posh would certainly be popular. He is handsome and smells nice. So does she. They could also get a decent reality television show out of it. Or at least a fitness video from inside Buck House. Those school fees need paying.
Become a tattooist
Becks could make his hobby a worthwhile pastime. Not for Early Doors this one here, but whatever gets you up in the morning. He is so handsome and smells nice so wouldn't take much to get some sort of parlour on the go. There is money to be made. Why are tattoo shops called parlours? Anyway, whatever happened to the good old days of a skull and snake wrapped around a dagger with mum on it.
Have a go at hairdressing
Becks has had more chops than trophies. Or hot dinners. Or Spice Girls records. Skinheads, mohicans, tramlines..he has had them all during his playing days. Here is one we made earlier when LA was his lady. Such a handsome dude.
Become President of the United States
He has lived the American dream in LA, and has a touch of the Abe Lincolns with that beard. What is wrong with Becks becoming Obama's running partner at the next presidential elections? What do you mean, he is not American? The current bloke only gets eight years? It never stopped Arnie in Cali, and he is ze German, right?...(we know he actually is Australian. Or somewhere that sounds similar.) Becks has it all going on being so good-looking and masculine.
Replace Gary Lineker as host of Match of the Day
Alan Hansen is on the way out so why should Gary Lineker not join him? Early Doors is no fans of lazy football pundits. And MOTD is full of them. Get Lawro and Big Ears out the door. All too cliquish. We want Becks on the sofa with Zinedine Zidane, Dean Windass and Paul Jewell. True world class competitors. Plus Beckham's good looks would just the sell the show. Sexy football.
Become the next James Bond
Daniel Craig can't go on forever. Becks is timing his run nicely for the role. He has the looks and the wardrobe for it. We can just imagine Q coming up with a secret weapon for him to use out in the field confronting the baddies. A pair of Adidas Predators that slice open the neck of his enemies when he throws it at them like a boomerang. Sir Alex Ferguson already tried it on Becks many moons ago. Oddjob beware.
Get back into football as manager of England
Once he becomes King of England, nothing is going to stop the man. Not with his natural good looks and charisma. And nice clothes. He can combine his role as King of all he surveys with a hands on role running the football team. Well, it works for other dictatorships? First thing to do is get Our Woy out of the door. Becks can come in with Sir Elton John as his assistant manager. And Glenn Hoddle can talk to the team about Karma. Good way to build team morale. James Cordon can also help out with training and doing his hilarious Smithy act from Gavin and Stacey. Plus Elton will enjoy the smell of those dressing rooms. Anyone for some heat rub?
Stage a military coup and become British PM
Who needs Tories, Labour, the Libs or UKIP? Becks has the cash and popularity to bring down this government through his good looks, and hip attitude. More importantly, he has the contacts. A bit like Tonee Blair. Once inside Number 10, he can start assembling his cabinet. Gareth Southgate will be home secretary with David Seaman catapulted in as Chancellor of the Exchequer. Sven-Goran Eriksson would be a good minister for women. Just don't send Foreign Secretary Nigel Farage to Scotland.
Join the Celebrity Big Brother House or I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here
Becks would make a fortune out of this. And it wouldn't half boost the viewing figures due to his good looks, and nice dress sense. A few others are already keen on the idea. Here is the line up for next year's Celebrity Big Brother below. Call Me Dave is already in there as the first sitting British PM to join the programme because he heard of Becks's intentions. What a guy. Just don't mention Rebecca Loos to Posh when she is in the house.
Form a pop duo called The Beckhams
We want to see Miss Victoria Spice back in the pop charts. Her appearance with the Spice Girls - Spice Mothers these days - at last year's London Olympics suggests there would be room for a husband and wife duo to churn out a few records. A bit like Sonny and Cher, or Ike and Tina Turner. Relationships that stood the test of time. First record they could release would be a moody remake of Frank Skinner and David Baddiel's Three Lions. Romantic bliss with David and Victoria's natural good looks. And what a wardrobe, sister.
Form a new religion called Beckhamtology
Who needs Scientology? Beckham can form a new cult religion where all its followers must wear his Adidas gear and underpants from H and M. Guy Ritchie can make a video espousing the benefits of joining the Church of Beckham where worshippers must recite the Our Beckham. Which includes lines from his resignation speech as England captain. Groups meet on a Saturday to discuss how best to muddle by with over £100m in the bank. Beckham is the almighty. He is handsome and he smells nice. Members of the church should also be concerned about the tax threshold in their country of origin. Especially if they wind up in France. A lottery is held every month where lucky winners get to hear the right rev Tom Cruise discuss the deeper meaning to be taken out of his kitchen sink drama Days of Thunder.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“He grabbed my arm and pushed me yelling 'What is wrong with you?’ He was totally freaked out and for me he had a strong smell of alcohol on his breath. I complained to the airline saying that they should have more control over alcoholic drinks, it was totally out of order." - Onlooker and fellow passenger Nicolas Infantidis suggests Diego Maradona was drunk at Buenos Aires Airport. Maybe had something to do with Nicolas getting a steward to hand Maradona some free dietary supplements during a flight from Dubai. He claimed it was a "joke" to wind Maradona up over his weight. Strange, we know.
Jim White will be along to offer his latest musings ahead of the final weekend of the Premier League season. While we will also be studying the European match of the weekend plus we have our regular Bundesliga blog. Which should have dropped yesterday, but will hit the news stalls straight from Germany today as the build-up towards the all-German Champions League final continues.