(Note: That's a picture of Roy Keane on the right. Honestly.)
Why should anyone be surprised that great players rarely
make great managers? The two jobs require a totally different set of skills.
Expecting somebody to go directly from one to the other is like
getting a top-class roofer and telling him to design a cathedral.
There is not much crossover between the qualities that make
a great player and those that make a great manager.
You might find the occasional exception who is good at both,
like Johan Cruyff, or indeed good at neither, like Carlton Palmer.
In Roy Keane's case, it was his psychotic intensity that allowed
him to overcome physical and technical limitations to become one of the best
midfielders in the world.
But put the man with the wild eyes, sarcastic put-downs and
complete intolerance of those less dedicated than himself (i.e. everybody) in
charge of the dressing room and it is going to be just plain scary. Especially
with that beard.
The Sun 'exclusively reveals' what went on behind the scenes
during Keane's reign in an entertaining but entirely unsurprising piece.
Basically, it turns out that Keano has got a bit of a temper
on him.
It will shock nobody to learn that he "hurled
foul-mouthed tirades at both senior and junior players", or indeed that he
launched a "bizarre kung-fu attack" on a tactics board.
More shocking is that he informed Niall Quinn of his
resignation via text. Early Doors struggles to imagine Keane plugging away at his
keypad, swearing when the predictive text function gives him 'of' instead of
'me'.
Keane has always seemed like the kind of man who thought
that if anything is worth saying, it should be said face-to-face.
ED has always assumed that he viewed mobiles as no better
than prawn sandwiches or Rolex watches - the kind of frippery that represents
everything artificial and empty about the modern world.
But now we find out that he was probably bombarding Mick
McCarthy with angry texts as he stormed out of Saipan
in 2002.
"stik it up ur
bolix" lacks the panache of the original version, and might not boast
the zen philosophy of seagulls and trawlers, but it certainly makes you think. Mainly,
how?
THE BEST OF ROY KEANE
"Aggression
is what I do. I go to war. You don't contest football matches in a reasonable
state of mind"
"Mick,
you're a liar...you're a f***ing w***er. I didn't rate you as a player, I don't
rate you as a manager, and I don't rate you as a person. You're a f***ing w***er
and you can stick your World Cup up your a***. The only reason I have any
dealings with you is that somehow you are the manager of my country. You can
stick it up your b******s." How Niall Quinn remembers Keane's legendary
rant at Mick McCarthy before the 2002 World Cup.
"That man can rot in hell
for all I care." - Keane delivers a more considered verdict on McCarthy.
"Nobody
would play for me but we'd have great facilities." - On one day becoming Ireland
manager.
"Some people come to Old
Trafford and can't spell football, let alone understand it. They have a few
drinks and a prawn sandwich but don't realise what's happening on the
pitch"
"Rolex watches, garages full
of flash cars, mansions, set up for life. Forgot the game, lost the hunger that
got you the watches, cars and mansions."
"Just because you're paid
£120,000 a week and play well for 20 minutes against Tottenham, you think
you're a superstar." - On the next captain of Manchester United, Rio
Ferdinand.
"Maybe we should have had an open-top bus last weekend
because everyone was getting carried away by three victories. Arsenal went 50
games unbeaten at one stage, remember. People took their eye off the ball this
week - everybody at the club." - After a home defeat to Manchester City,
April 2008. Keane refused an open-top bus tour after Sunderland's
promotion the previous year.
"Before the game there was
all this stuff about anti-racism and anti-bullying. It would be a good idea to
start wearing wristbands for anti-diving."
"I'll f***ing
see you out there. I'll see you out there. Shut your mouth up, you. Every week
you pretend you're a nice guy. (To referee Graham Poll) He can shut his f***ing
mouth." - A classic tunnel bust-up with Patrick Vieira in 2005. Goodness
only knows what the mascots were thinking. Remarkably, Vieira was one of the
people Keane actually respected.
"Patrick
Vieira is 6 foot 4, and he starts having a go at Gary Neville, so I said 'come
on have a go at me,' that's it." - Reflecting on the Vieira incident.
"Maybe
Gary deserves
to be chased up a tunnel every now and then - there would be a queue for him,
probably. But you have to draw a line eventually." - And again.
"I'd waited long enough. I f***ing
hit him hard. The ball was there (I think). Take that you c***. And don't ever
stand over me sneering about fake injuries." - On his infamous Alf-Inge
Haaland tackle.
- - -
RELIEVED MAN OF THE DAY: David James, whose incredible clanger against Wolfsburg is buried
beneath the Keane post-mortems in today's papers. And Early Doors.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"I have every faith in him and love him to bits." Tony Adams
on James.
FOREIGN VIEW: 'More home-grown and less foreigners!' - Chanting
Real Madrid fans
made their displeasure plain at the presentation of new signing Klaas-Jan
Huntelaar. It rhymes in Spanish ("¡Mas cantera y menos de fuera!")
Meanwhile,
the front page of Gazzetta dello Sport pictures Gennaro Gattuso with an All
Black in a headlock.
COMING
UP: Exhaustive Premier League previews, plus the worst of Calamity James, Jim
White on Roy Keane and fantasy picks for the weekend.