Ach du Liebe! No sooner does Early Doors move its seat-back into the upright position and jet off on its holidays (Megabus to Cleethorpes, actually) than some news happens.
Which is bad news for your Alpine exchange student, Early Döorß, who is unable to make its debut talking about its specialist subjects of third-choice Romanian goalkeepers and the intricacies of Greek tactics (bore the pants off everyone).
No, instead it has to hold forth about Sven and Jose when the extent of its football knowledge extends no further than the Austrian second division. Such ignorance should ensure it fits in nicely, then.
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Sven-Goran Eriksson's exit from Manchester City shows Thaksin Shinawatra's idea of "mutual consent" is probably on a par with Mike Tyson's.
Which tasteless humour brings Early Döorß to a day-old aside about Iron Mike, whose 'previous' proved no deterrent for fame-hungry Big Brother loser Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace.
The pair were seen 'canoodling' over Cristal in London club Chinawhite (could they BE any more turn-of-the-millennium?), with a sickened onlooker telling the Currant Bun: "Mike had two enormous bouncers flanking the table and proceeded to snog Aisleyne's ear, neck and mouth."
Aisleyne, unburdened by either fear or shame, later bundled into a cab with Tyson, with the former heavyweight champ presenting her with a rose whose children he had presumably eaten moments earlier.
Anyway, back to Sven, whose departure provoked disgust from City fans, who deluged call-ins and message boards to declare themselves "shocked" and "gobsmacked".
Well, then they obviously weren't paying much attention, were they? David Blunkett could have seen this coming.
It is claimed (although not by Early Döorß, obviously) that Thaksin knows a thing or two about torture, and that certainly showed as he put Sven through the indignity of a Far East tour before showing him the door.
But if we know one thing about the Swede, it is that he simply refuses to let self-respect get in the way of a bumper payday, and although ED obviously has no details of the payoff, Eriksson probably earned himself an extra million quid or so by sitting through all those painful photo shoots with the man who was about to fire him.
City fans are also up in arms about the imminent appointment of Mark Hughes, on the basis that he used to wind people up and score the occasional goal across town at United.
Hughes has proved himself to be Wrexham's answer to Arsene Wenger, picking up the likes of David Bentley, Roque Santa Cruz and Chris Samba for a pittance.
Additionally, his side, like Wenger's, are notorious for keeping referees busy (although in Arsenal's case it is fair to say the frantic pace of red card accumulation has slowed somewhat since Patrick Vieira took his two-footed lunges to Serie A).
City qualified for the UEFA Cup through the Fair Play league under Sven. Meanwhile Blackburn finished dead last, scoring particularly badly in the 'Respect to Referee' and 'Behaviour of Officials' categories.
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Far be it from a snivelling mortal such as ED to question the Special One, but isn't Jose Mourinho's move to Inter Milan a bit weird?
The winding up Roman Abramovich aside, Mourinho was sacked by Chelsea basically because he couldn't win the Champions League - despite massive domestic success.
So why would he move to a team who have just sacked their coach because he couldn't win the Champions League?
Inter have won Serie A three times in a row, basically because of AC Milan and Juventus's punishments for (ineptly) attempting to influence referees. Even with Mourinho on board, Inter aren't going to win the next three.
And what is Jose's blueprint for success? Bringing in a load of ageing players who couldn't do the business in Europe when they were at Chelsea.
Early Doors particularly looks forward to seeing the Stroppy and Unhinged double act up front as Didier Drogba and Zlatan Ibrahimovic team up. And Frank Lampard should ask Paul Ince how 'honest' English midfielders usually fare in Serie A.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Gary Lineker, a bright boy from the BBC, says I'm childish. Well he should know about that stuff himself ... He'll understand what childishness means because he is childish. I don't think I'm childish at all." Nothing childish about that extract from Fergie's interview with Sir David Frost.
FOREIGN VIEW/RONALDO CORNER: "Cristiano will decide today" - Not Marca this time, but similarly scurrilous Madrid rag AS. They claim Ronaldo is annoyed that Fergie keeps saying he won't move, and will join Real Madrid just to spite him. Or something. Marca, meanwhile have given up the ghost, and suggest that Real have decided to bother Lyon and Atletico Madrid for Karim Benzema and Sergio Aguero instead.
TALKING POINT: Yesterday ED garnered the lowest amount of feedback for 10 weeks - a miserable 27 comments. Part of it is pleased to have scared off some of the crazier elements on the message board. Yet at the same time it can't help but feel nostalgic for the pointless slanging matches and personal insults.
nick.goodwin summed up the malaise thus: "Early Doors be damned. Bring back Diana Dors." If ED could, it would Nick. But she's got an exclusive blog deal with the BBC. Either that or she's been dead 20 years.
Today - In a shameless attempt to provoke some of those bill-paying arguments, ED would like to know which message board poster you dislike the most, and why?
COMING UP: No live football until Saturday, but our Euro 2008 previews continue apace with a team profile on Spain, plus we don our John Jensen afro wigs and a look back at Euro '92. All the Euro coverage you have ever dreamed of is right here.