Early Doors has harped on about the genius of Jimmy Bullard
before, and it was with a measure of disbelief and amusement that it discovered
he is set to move from Fulham to Hull.
Despite being one of the half-dozen best midfielders in the
Premier League, Bullard seems determined to do a complete tour of the division's least glamorous clubs.
Having started his top-flight career at Wigan, he then joined
a side that play their home games at a Cottage, before deciding the bright
lights of leafy South-West London were a bit too much.
A move to Bolton fell
through, and he is now set to link up with a team that five years ago were in
the fourth tier of domestic football.
Everybody rates Bullard, even Fabio Capello, so why isn't anyone better interested in him and his unique
brand of shaggy-haired, trout-fishing, mandolin-playing brilliance?
Several years ago Sam Allardyce claimed that his Bolton side's brand of
unwatchable long-ball tripe would get more respect if his surname were
Allardici, and Bullard suffers from the same problem - he is just too old
school and English.
ED urges him to change his name to Jaime Bullardo and watch
offers from the Big Four come rolling in.
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Robinho has said he is very sorry for walking out on Manchester
City, although he didn't see fit to express that remorse in person, sticking
with his plan to fly back from Brazil
at some point over the weekend.
While 'a personal
matter' is given as the official
explanation for Robinho going AWOL, a friend let slip that he is on the
less-than-urgent business of sorting out his daughter's
Mark Hughes has been given little option but to take a big
stick to his little striker, and will fine him a fortnight's salary - £320,000.
It is fashionable to say that footballers are so rich they
do not even notice their fines, but Early Doors is fairly sure Robinho will
wince when he sees just how much he has paid for his trip to the passport
Here's what he
could have bought with his two weeks'
Three Bentley Continentals
533 Mulberry handbags
100,000 litres of Brahma beer
A five-bedroom house in Manchester
A 10-carat diamond
3,556 complete DVD box set of The Wire
Two Ulrika Jonssons on Celebrity Big Brother
993kg of foie gras with truffles from Fortnum and Mason
76.8 tonnes of Kellogg's
Food, vaccinations and medications for 646 orphaned
orangutans for a year
day bus passes
- - -
Vinnie Jones really is a rough diamond with a heart of gold. He could be
focusing on his film career, but instead he has resolved to administer rehab to
his old sparring partner Paul Gascoigne.
In 1987, Gazza ran Wimbledon so ragged that Jones
decided the only way to stop him was to grab him by the cream crackers.
But Jones has been so affected by Gascoigne's sad descent into alcoholism and depression he
wants to help.
Jones has had a few problems of his own, having recently
been involved in an epic bar fight in the US.
So he is in a good position to decide that what Gazza needs
is to get away from it all, and plans to take him to a Central American island
Activities will include hunting, fishing and 'man's work' as Vinnie attempts to use the allure
of the great outdoors to get Gazza off the booze.
Oh, and there will be TV cameras filming the whole thing.
Yes indeed. It is not really a one-man crusade to save Gazza
from himself, but a deeply cynical exploitation of a man who, by is own
admission, is close to death.
According to an 'insider', the pair's
antics will form the basis of a show described as "a cross between
Castaway and Lost", which presumably means it will be both confusing and
"Vinnie thinks it's terrible what
Gazza has been going through and is convinced some tough love is needed.
"Vinnie loves hunting and fishing and
reckons it does more to aid the soul than things like rehab.
"Gazza is a man's man so it should be
up his street."
ED has no doubt the proposal was motivated purely by Jones's towering humanitarianism, and not by his recent
complaint that he was being typecast in hard man roles and wanted to be
considered a serious actor.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: If you thought Victoria Beckham's
revelation that David occasionally wears women's
underwear was embarrassing, spare a thought for Dinamo Zagreb and Croatia
midfielder Dino Drpic.
27-year-old has been transfer listed after his Playboy model girlfriend Nives
Celzijus revealed the pair had sex under floodlights at Dinamo's Maksimir Stadium.
told a Serbian chat show: "Dino had arranged that people should turn on
the stadium lights for us and he finally fulfilled his dream of having sex in
the middle of a football pitch.
was very naughty."
The Maksimir Stadium hosted England's 2-0 Euro 2008 qualifying defeat to Croatia, which featured Paul Robinson's infamous 'airshot' attempted clearance. Robbo should be relieved to learn his was not the only cock-up at the ground.
VIEW: If a picture can say 1,000 words, Marca's
front page, featuring Ramon Calderon with Pinocchio's
nose, would appear to say "lying toad" 500 times.
UP: Hold on to your hats, East Midlanders, it's
Derby County v Nottingham Forest in the FA Cup fourth round! We've got full live coverage from 19:45 UK time.