The FA Cup (Budweiser not pictured)Last night, as its Twitter feed filled with the names of soap flops, risible X-Factor 'bad boys' and some woman called Giggs - all accompanied by the dreaded #CBB hashtag - Early Doors remembered: this is what happens on days with no top-flight football.
It is now over a week since the last day with no Premier League action. Thursday, December 29 - a date about which ED remembers nothing since it was still deep in a figgy pudding and eggnog-induced coma.
As living, breathing self-parody Andrew Stone entered the house (or as ED knows him, 'the other dunderhead from Pineapple Dance Studios'), it all got too much for the electricity grid round ED's way - and a massive power cut plunged thousands of people into Big Brother-free darkness for five hours.
As acts of God go, it was rather good of the powers-that-be to cut the juice on the first football-free night this year.
Nevertheless, it proved that contrary to the standard whinge that there is too much football, in truth there is nowhere near enough. ED fancies a baseball-style 162-game regular season, plus a month of play-offs.
Anyway, Early Doors is considering investing in an emergency generator because for the next four days the FA Cup rolls into town, sporting a new name - 'The FA Cup with Budweiser'.
What with the other cup competition bearing the name of - appropriately enough - some second-rate domestic lager, English football's cosy promotion of alcohol could be accused of compromising its efforts to attract youngsters to the game.
But, as beer snobs everywhere will tell you, watery fizz Budweiser and Carling barely even qualifies as booze.
And, ever the paragon of corporate responsibility, you can't even gain access to the Carling Cup website unless you have the mental faculties to name any date more than 18 years ago.
But Early Doors digresses (another consequence of a football-free day).
The point is football's back, and Early Doors has never been more excited about following a live text commentary of an FA Cup mismatch between Liverpool and Oldham.
Other third round highlights include Everton v Tamworth, whose manager Marcus Law reckons his side have a 99.9999% chance of losing.
Well, as long as there's that 0.00001% chance, there is still hope.
Squares based on Chelsea's high linePEDANTRY CORNER: Presumably you will have seen the story about the new 50p piece that explains the offside law. If not - read about it here.
Given the obvious space constraints of a coin, it offers a simple graphical representation of a player who is in an offside position, and one who is onside.
But referees have got themselves in a lather over what they claim is an incorrect representation of the law - since 1995 the 'offside' player does not have to be penalised unless he is interfering with play, so the coin is wrong.
Here's Referees' Association member Mal Davies talking to the Guardian: "The public will assume this has been thoroughly checked, but sadly it's totally out of date. And on parks pitches it will just encourage players to keep pressurising officials to blow the whistle immediately any time a player is in an offside position - and to abuse them when they don't."
And designer Neil Wolfson hit back, defending the factual integrity of the diagram: "With all due respect, I reject Mal Davies's interpretation of the coin (rather than his interpretation of the offside law).
"Nowhere on the coin does it say that the 'offside' player is committing an offence — that is a supposition entirely of Mal's creation.
"The coin simply states that the player is 'offside' — which is true, irrespective of whether or not an 'offside offence' results from this scenario."
When all's said and done, it's a bit of money, not a FIFA manual. ED rather likes it, and fears its artistic integrity would be compromised by a note stating: "*Offside player must be interfering with play, or interfering with an opponent, or gaining an advantage by being in that position."
Maybe they could run that text round the edge like they do on pound coins. What the hell does 'Decus et tutamen' mean anyway?
Or possibly we should follow the advice of one web user called Richard, who commented on our story: "Let's use (the coin) to describe the correct CPR procedure."
FOREIGN VIEW: Now, ED knows you would never dream of leaving this website, but just this once you're allowed.
The reason? Steve McClaren's presentation as FC Twente manager is being streamed live on the club's YouTube channel at 12:25 UK time.
ED will be watching, if only for more of this.
Silly schmoke-and-a-pancake voice or not, you can't knock Schteeve's record with the Dutch club, having led them to their only league title in 2010.
He has signed a two-and-a-half year deal to replace Co Adriaanse, whom ED reckons was a tad unlucky to get the boot, with the club third in the Eredivisie table, five points off the top.