Guess which newspaper is leading the moral outrage in the wake of the diving furore nobody is calling 'Ngog-gate'? Why, the Mail of course.
The last line of defence between us and a metric Eurocrat hell loves a good campaign, and this morning they have issued a clear warning to the nasty Johnny Foreigners of the Premier League who have brought the scourge of simulation to our game, as well as their 50 per cent tax rates - but we won't talk about that just now.
'DIVERS BEWARE!' screams the back page, along with the news that the FA are now considering introducing retrospective punishments for players caught conning referees.
It's all illustrated in highly original manner by a swimming pool 'No diving' sign. You won't find such an obvious and hackneyed device round these parts, naturally.
Currently the FA's policy is in line with that of FIFA, meaning that no action can be taken even if officials fail to see an incident.
But the precedent set by UEFA's attempt to ban Arsenal striker Eduardo for his dive against Celtic means that the bigwigs at Soho Square could soon rebel against their Zurich overlords and set up a diving panel to review such matters.
Of course, banning Eduardo wasn't the only precedent set, as UEFA overturned that ban after the Gunners appealed.
Call ED an old cynic, but the drafting and implementing of such a significant law change sounds like a big ask for the FA to get right.
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Don't call it a comeback! Because it wasn't.
Real Madrid failed to overturn their 4-0 first-leg deficit in the Copa del Rey against third tier Alcorcon, a suburb of the Spanish capital that could be likened to a less salubrious Croydon.
The Bernabeu was almost full - though not quite as full as it was when Cristiano Ronaldo arrived to do a few dodgy keep-ups - but Real could only manage a 1-0 win on the night despite fielding this starting XI: Dudek; L Diarra, Pepe, Raul Albiol, Arbeloa; M Diarra, Gago, Kaká; Raul, Higuaín, Van Nistelrooy.
By the time substitute Rafael van der Vaart scored with 10 minutes to go, most of that crowd were already on their way out.
Never one to over-react, Madrid-supporting rag Marca screamed "The Bernabeu is shamed - A Madrid without spirit did not at any moment give the feeling that they would overcome their opponents", while likening president Florentino Perez to a Roman emperor on the verge of giving the thumbs down and seeing Manuel Pellegrini's head roll.
Despite the cup being treated with near contempt at this stage of the season, the fact that Barcelona, Sevilla and even comedy neighbours Atletico Madrid each scored a hatful as they cruised through increases big-spending Real's embarrassment tenfold. Which, let's face it, is no bad thing.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I'm human at the end of the day, and it is difficult keeping your head down when you are 6ft 7in... Harry said 'You're an idiot, move on'. That's all we needed to say about it. I've not covered myself in glory, but I haven't killed anyone" - Peter Crouch reveals Harry Redknapp's reaction to that picture of him and Jonathan Woodgate cutting shapes in a night club dance floor. He's right, he didn't kill anyone, but you wouldn't want to be in the way of those flailing limbs mid-robot.
FOREIGN VIEW: Kawasaki Frontale have been told to keep the $5.5m prize money the Japanese club offered to return after its players were given a public dressing down for unsporting behaviour following their J-League Cup final defeat.
Japan FA president Saburo Kawabuchi was among those who slammed Kawasaki for being "bad losers" after their 2-0 defeat by FC Tokyo last week.
Some Frontale players chewed gum as they went up the steps to receive their loser's medals with several quickly taking them off on the way down after refusing to shake hands with dignitaries.
The team suspended defender Yusuke Mori for at least one game for chewing gum, while Kawasaki president Shimpei Takeda took a 10 per cent pay cut for three months.
However, J-League chairman Kenji Onitake refused to conduct a witch hunt and insisted there would be no formal punishment handed to the team other than a severe reprimand.
Onitake said the J-League would not accept Kawasaki's offer to return their prize money but ordered them to use it to promote football in the community and better educate their players.
Frontale have been asked to submit a formal report to the J-League on how the money is used.
COMING UP: More Copa del Rey action this evening, though sadly none of the four matches promise another dose of schadenfreude to match Real's exploits. LIVE scoring of tonight's four games kicks off with Espanyol v Getafe at 19:00.