It would seem Early Doors caused rather a stink yesterday by ribbing the African Cup of Nations, and received a number of reader reactions calling it a "moron" with a "KKK laptop" (who knew the Klan made computing equipment)?
So just to make a few things clear: Early Doors is a curmudgeon who criticises everything as mercilessly as an ungrateful Frenchman; it loves African football but wishes the organisation were as good as the players; and, yes, it would rather eat a pig's snout or deep-fried fish head than what passes for a 'meat' pie at most British grounds.
What is more racist - to point out (and mock) the tournament's failings; or to say "oh well, it's only Africa, we shouldn't expect any better"?
If you're going to slag off the frequently terrible playing surface at Wembley, shouldn't you do the same at a major event like the African Cup of Nations?
Sepp Blatter sat smugly in the posh seats while the opening game was played out on a cabbage patch.
It was just a shame he was not on hand to witness the floodlight failure in Sekondi before the Mali-Benin game.
Blatter claims to be a friend of African football, so why doesn't he ensure the organisers have enough resources to avoid such mishaps, and move the tournament to summer when clubs might see it as more than an unwelcome distraction?
Don't worry about going head-to-head with Euro 2008 - it would certainly win viewing figures from England, whose citizens are too busy consuming processed foods and Special Brew to bother qualifying for big competitions.
Who would you rather watch - Switzerland, Austria, Greece and Russia; or Ivory Coast, Ghana, Cameroon and Nigeria?
Nicknames are another factor weighing heavily in Africa's favour.
When it comes to naming their national teams, Europeans have all the imagination of... well judge for yourself based on this selection:
France - 'Les Bleus' (the Blues); Italy - 'Gli Azzurri' (the Blues); Serbia - 'Plavi' (the Blues).
Africa, meanwhile, serves up such gems as the Indomitable Lions (Cameroon), the Copper Bullets (Zambia), the Desert Hawks (Sudan) and Early Doors' all-time favourite nickname - The Squirrels of Benin.
So, no hard feelings, Africa. We're cool, right? Actually, don't answer that...
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It is said the definition of insanity is an inability to learn from your mistakes, so - at the risk of bringing upon itself another torrent of abuse - Early Doors cannot help but wonder about the mental state of the Liverpool fans who held up a banner last night declaring 'Yanks out, Dubai in'.
So... the best way for the club to rid itself of foreign owners who don't understand Liverpool's history and only care about the bottom line is to get linked up with a Middle East consortium?
Another anti-George Gillett and Tom Hicks banner showed the proper sense of perspective by comparing Liverpool situation with two wars that between them claimed millions of lives:
"U messed up Vietnam, u messed up Iraq! Don't mess with scousers by giving Rafa the sack!!!"
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Reasons why there is no point having a winter break, no. 238.
Football is just too darned lucrative for teams to stop playing for any length of time.
For 'winter break', read instead 'money-spinning tour featuring long-haul flights and four matches a week'.
You might have thought Manchester United would be grateful for the eight-day hiatus between their matches against Reading and Tottenham.
But rather than put their feet up, United decided to shoehorn in a trip to Saudi Arabia, where they fielded a virtually full-strength side against Al Hilal with Ronaldo, Rooney, Tevez and company all featuring.
So forgive Early Doors if it lacks sympathy come squeaky bum time in the Premier League title race when Fergie complains that his players are tired.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "It's not just this week, it's been going on for some time and it's certainly not helping the players. I've got to be careful what I say about the situation but it's certainly not helping the team." Steven Gerrard narrowly avoids jumping on Liverpool's anti-American bandwagon.
RUMOUR OF THE DAY: It had to happen - Newcastle United are looking to make David Beckham their first major signing of the Kevin Keegan era.
FOREIGN VIEW: Claudio Ranieri says it is official: Mohamed Sissoko is going to Juventus. (Corriere dello Sport)
COMING UP: Loads of live football today, including Tottenham v Arsenal in the Carling Cup, three FA Cup replays, and African Cup of Nations action kicking off with Egypt v Cameroon at 5pm.