ED had a moment or two on its hands yesterday, so on a whim, it decided to do an internet search for 'goal machine'. The computer fired back an interesting range of answers.
First up was something called a 'goal machine calculator', a clever bit of kit from New Zealand that can help you work out how much you will need to save regularly to reach a specific financial goal.
No help to misfiring strikers there then, but as expected, a brief musical reference aside, the remainder of the search engine's top answers related to football, and more specifically, the holy union of onion bag and ball.
Unsurprisingly, serial scorer and exaggerator extraordinaire Romario came out second on the list, (although according to his method of calculation, even ED would be running close to a thousand career strikes, such was its deadly eye for goal in the school yard). Liverpool striker Fernando Torres also made an appearance on the first page of answers - and for good reason too - as did Redbridge FC ace Jeff Hammond.
But a glance further down the list revealed some names less often associated with the beautiful art of scoring.
West Ham's Dean Ashton (eight goals in 30 appearance this season) and Nicky Southall (none in 31 for Gillingham), both featured high up, while even more bizarrely, Afonso Alves appeared - although closer inspection reveals the title of the article was 'Afonso: I'm a goal machine', rather than any objective reference to his scoring capabilities.
Most strangely though, was the glaring absence of the name of the one man who seemingly cannot stop scoring this season - Cristiano Ronaldo.
Clichés aside, the Manchester United winger seems to be scoring for fun this campaign, and with at least eight games left to play (with a possible further three, should United progress to the final of the Champions League), the Portuguese could conceivably reach Dennis Law's record of 46, set back in the 1963-64 season.
More realistically, he'll probably just break the 40-mark, and become only the third United player to do so, along with Law and Ruud van Nistelrooy.
So, continuing in the spirit of last Friday's crystal ball extravaganza, ED is willing to lay its reputation on the line and predict Ronaldo will start edging closer towards that target tonight, against Roma, before netting another against Boro at the weekend. Goals against Blackburn and West Ham will then follow before he reaches the 40-mark against Wigan on the last day of the season.
No goals against Arsenal or Chelsea, you say? Who says he's not a big game player? ED reckons he'll bag the winner in the Champions League final for good measure.
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The fifth United-Roma game in 12 months has given SKY a great excuse to rehash last year's violent images on the terraces of the Stadio Olimpico in their full gory details.
Everybody knows that big kick-offs (of the violent type) make essential viewing - just look at the number of Police, Camera, Action, Drink, Fight shows on telly at the moment - but those who have themselves been subjected to the violence are unlikely be enjoying reliving the moment ad nauseum.
ED can only assume that visiting the emergency room after having been stabbed in the arse or receiving a bop on the head from a baton is not the nicest way to spend a Tuesday evening in the Eternal City, but yet again that is the threat facing United fans in Rome tonight.
Of course, as usual UEFA have made all the right noises and assured the world that if those terrible scenes are repeated, the Stadio Olimpico stands to lose the 2009 Champions League final. The horror!
And hey presto, start talking about losing the right to host a major final - and the cash and kudos that brings - and all of a sudden, Roman officials are bending over backwards to ensure the safety of those lovely English fans who will be invading their city. Benvenuto a Roma, and all that.
But it smacks of too little, too late, and for the wrong reasons. It seems as though a price has been put on the safety of fans - and that leaves a distinctly sour taste in the mouth.
Anyway, why did Rome get chosen to host the final of Europe's most prestigious competition in the first place? Stabbings outside the Olimpico and heavy handed policing inside the ground are nothing new and it's not just United fans that have suffered over the years.
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United head into the tie as huge favourites to progress into the last four, but ED will issue a warning to all those who think it will be a walkover.
The freakish 7-1 win (8-3 on aggregate) apart, United have not proved they are that much better than Roma during their three other meetings over the past year.
It is conveniently forgotten that United lost 2-1 in the first leg of last season's quarter-finals, while they drew 1-1 at the Olimpico in the group stage earlier this season, followed by a narrow 1-0 win at Old Trafford.
Take into account that Roma have improved since that latest meeting and are currently running Internazionale close in Serie A, and there could be problems ahead for United.
At least Darren "Big Game" Fletcher has already been ruled out through injury, forcing Fergie's hand somewhat into actually fielding his best side.
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HEADLINE OF THE DAY: "We're going to party like it's 1999" - Not the most inspired headline ever seen in The Sun, but it's the photo that goes with it that raised a smile. How on earth did 'Champions League winner David May' manage to feature so prominently in all of those victory celebrations in Barcelona?
FOREIGN VIEW: A South Korean league fixture had to be postponed after the majority of the Gwangju Sangmu side was taken ill with food poisoning following a club dinner. The illness came from a tainted raw beef and rice dish at one of the city's swankiest restaurants. "This is the first time an incident like this has caused a delay in games," a K-League official said. Spurs fans and players will be able to sympathise.
TALKING POINT: Freak sporting injuries were the name of the game yesterday - kevmun82 takes the gong for the most believable gut-churning tale of the day: "The goalie got up to it and palmed it over the bar, only, on his way down, the brand new ring he was wearing got caught in the hook for the nets which resulted in his finger being, ahem, "De-Gloved". I think most of you will understand the meaning of that, and for those who don't know what it means, trust me, you don't want to now."
For today, let's have your predictions for tonight's games.
COMING UP: You can follow live text commentary on the big game at the Olimpico from 19:45 BST, as well as Schalke's clash with Barcelona in Gelsenkirchen. Join us then. Join us.
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