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    Early Doors

    Gunners to get Kroenked!

    American sports mogul Stan Kroenke has taken another riveting pigeon step towards a takeover of Arsenal.

    The tycoon, who owns the Denver Nuggets, Colorado Rapids, St Louis Rams, Winnipesaukee Woo-Yeahs and Jacksonville Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!s has acquired another handful of shares, taking his stake in the club up to 29.9 per cent. That means he is a tantalising 0.1 per cent away from triggering a compulsory takeover bid.

    Well, when ED says tantalising, it means snooze-inducing, but at least it looks as though this tedious affair could soon be resolved one way or the other.

    Not for Kroenke a Sheikh-style overnight acquisition, or landing on the Emirates pitch in a helicopter armed with a suitcases full of cash a la Allen Stanford, oh no. The real estate magnate is going about his affairs like a proper businessman, which just won't do for football.

    If Koneke does take over the Gunners, they will join Manchester United, Liverpool, Aston Villa and Sunderland as Premier League clubs under American ownership. Suddenly those adverts joking about 'Soccertainment' and 'Match Multi-ball', from a certain US beverage that passes for beer these days, don't seem so funny.

    Arsene Wenger, doing his best King Cnut impression (that's C-N-U-T. Grow up), is doing his best to try and hold back the tide.

    "No, it is not inevitable, certainly not, 29.9 per cent I have heard he has now," Wenger said from his throne on the beach. "He is not in a position to make a bid so the position does not change at the club."

    Should the takeover happen, Arsenal fans beware. Kroenke is married to an heir to the Wal-Mart empire. Given Arsenal's previous issuing of naming rights, and the recent watershed moment of Newcastle renaming their ground the www.webuyanycar.com@StJamesPark.html/ Stadium, don't be surprised if the Emirates is renamed the Asda Arena in the future.

    - - -

    On a slow news day, in which a rich American buying a few shares counts as a story, a Sky Sports News rant-off involving Jason Cundy is a gift.

    The channel has taken to staging these Fox News-style rows on several occasions before big matches, and they decided to hype up Sunday's clash between Chelsea and Manchester United by getting Cundy into the studio to have a set-to with Lou Macari via satellite link.

    As the publicity surrounding the Haye-Valuev fight is also increasing by the hour, there were plenty of boxing puns thrown for good measure by the presenters.

    There was no attempt to cast either pundit as one of the fighters, however, as Cundy fits the profile of both. Like Haye, he is a cocksure, mouthy Londoner, while like Valuev he has a head the size of the average man's torso.

    Anyway, the squabble proved to be something of a let down, with Macari cheekily dousing Cundy's ire by admitting United would be happy with a point and reminding his opponent that he once loved to call Nicolas Anelka Le Sulk. Expect a more heated re-match before Sunday's kick-off at The Bridge, and then turn over and watch Eggheads instead.

    - - -

    QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I have faced and continue to face all kinds of indignities from all manner of persons. But when these insults touch my wife, it represents an all-time low. This malaise of my wife and I has been allowed to fester for too long much to our embarrassment and the embarrassment of the institutions which I represent. In this regard, therefore there is only one recourse: a return of this gift, which has become a symbol of derision, betrayal and embarrassment for me and my family" - What, pray tell, has got under FIFA vice-president Jack Warner's skin so? Why, a handbag of course, given to him by the FA as a misguided sweetener as part of their 2018 World Cup bid.

    FOREIGN VIEW: If all you have to show for your years of playing youth football are a couple of plastic medals and a gammy knee (No, ED is not bitter), then envy this bunch of pipsqueaks.

    The Ghana team that became the first African nation to win the world under-20 championship in Egypt last month are to be rewarded with a $750,000 package.

    The "Black Satellites" beat pre-tournament favourites and four-times winners Brazil 4-3 on penalties after a goalless draw after extra time.

    The package includes a Toyota saloon car to each player, squad member and coaching personnel. In addition to the cars, the team will receive cash rewards, from the government and also from private donors.

    The cash reward includes $6,900 each in Ghana's 10-15 year bonds - in itself over twice the average annual salary of a Ghanaian public sector worker.

    COMING UP: Tonight it's the Europa League, the competition where the groups go all the way up to L! You can follow Celtic's tough trip to Bundesliga high-flyers Hamburg and Fulham's fairytale trip to Roma at 18:00. Then at 20:05, Everton host Benfica.

    Early Doors

    Early Doors began life as a daily vehicle for mocking Rafa Benitez - and as such represented something a prototype for the modern internet. It has now evolved into a must-read morning feature from our team of football writers. Serious or silly, penetrating or puerile, Early Doors has always got something to say on the big issues. And there's still a fair amount of Rafa mockery.

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